“10 Signs You Should Dump Your M.D.”

The relationship you have with your doctor is one of the most important in your life. Here's how to know if the one you're seeing is good enough for you.

1. He Doesn't Value Your Time. Waiting is sort of inevitable—on average, patients sit in the reception area for 21 minutes before their name is called—but you shouldn't feel like you might actually waste away before you see a doctor. "If it happens often, it could be a sign that the office is poorly managed or that your M.D. is overbooking himself," says Marni Nicholas, M.D., an internist at Beacon International Medicine in Portsmouth, NH. It's a strategy some use to keep up with the financial realities of running a practice (remember, it is a business). But even so, you deserve an apology when your doctor finally makes it to the exam room, Nicholas says. If you get nada after cooling your heels for a frustratingly long time, it might be time to move on.

2. She Doesn't Call When She Says She Will. It doesn't matter whether your doctor communicates good test results by email and abnormal ones by phone, or if she only reaches out to patients when something's up—as long as she makes her policy clear at the outset and follows through. "A breakdown in communication is one of the main reasons people tell me they switch practices," says Nieca Goldberg, M.D., medical director of the Joan H. Tisch Center for Women's Health at NYU Langone Medical Center in New York City. And when you do receive results, you shouldn't be expected to decipher them on your own. "It's the doctor's responsibility to explain them in a way that you can understand," she says.

3. He Makes You Feel Like You're the Crazy One. "Hysteria" was once a catchall diagnosis handed out to ladies whose symptoms couldn't be explained (horrible!). And, sadly, "there are still doctors out there who will take your complaints less seriously simply because you're a woman," Nicholas says. Don't stand for it: You should be able to talk about anything—fatigue, mood swings, that nagging pain in your side—without being made to feel like your questions are stupid or that your symptoms are all in your head, says Susan Blum, M.D., of Rye Brook, NY, who practices functional medicine, a specialty that focuses on treating the underlying causes of disease.

4. She Doesn't Care If the Sex Is Good For You. Research shows that only 63 percent of ob/gyns routinely ask their patients about what's going on in the bedroom, and far fewer (29 percent) ask if they're satisfied with their sex life. It can be a tough conversation on both sides, but your M.D. should know that it matters. "Pain during sex is a red flag for conditions like fibroids and endometriosis, while low libido may be linked to depression," says study author Stacy Tessler Lindau, M.D., an associate professor of obstetrics/gynecology at the University of Chicago. And anyway, you deserve to have great sex.

5. He Cuts Your Dates Short to See Someone Else. At a standard appointment, you should have your doctor's undivided attention for 20 to 25 minutes before he rushes off to see another patient or take a phone call, Blum says. (No texting, either!) Anything less than that isn't enough time to address all of your concerns and leave room for questions. If you feel constantly shortchanged, see someone who has more time for you.

6. You Have Needs That She Can't Meet. "If you've seen your doctor twice about the same thing and she still doesn't have anything meaningful to offer you, find someone else," Blum says. Yes, it's true that some symptoms, like headaches, dizziness, or a period that's all over the place, are difficult to diagnose since they can be caused by a number of things. But your doctor should be committed to finding a solution, whether that means referring you to a specialist or even considering supplements or other forms of healing, if that interests you. She needs to work at it if you're going to stick around.

7. His Friends are the Worst. Bottom line: A doc's staff is a reflection of him. They should treat you with the same respect you do them. Don't put up with anything less.

8. It Feels Like She Never Listens to You. There's nothing worse than being talked over, and unfortunately, it's a bad habit for many doctors. On average, M.D.'s cut patients off within 23 seconds of asking what brought them in, research shows. And patients are only able to voice all of their concerns about 25 percent of the time. "It can be hard for us to let you finish," Goldberg admits. "We're already thinking about what your symptoms might mean." But you need a doctor who will hear you out, so bring a list of questions next time. "Say that you'd like to cover those first," Blum says, and see what happens.

9. He Always Has to be Right. Guess what? It's your body, and that means you should be able to question any medication or test your doctor recommends (Are there any side effects? What is this test looking for? What does it involve?) without being thrown serious shade. "Explain that you're concerned and you want to be prepared," Goldberg says. And if you think it's worth getting a second opinion? "You should be able to ask for a referral, too, without your doc getting defensive," Blum says.

10. You're Not the Same People Anymore. The doctor you were happy with at 22, when you only needed to be seen for a birth control refill, may be different from the one you want to work with in your 30s. As women age, they often start to think about their health in a broader sense, which might lead them to integrative medicine—a combination of conventional medicine and other therapies, like proper nutrition and acupuncture, Blum says. Others who are done having kids switch from an OB to a gynecologist who's more experienced in peri menopause, menopause, and cancer prevention, she adds. "Your needs change, and that's okay."
 
By Liz Krieger, RedBookMag

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"It's Not Selfish to Love Yourself, Take Care of Yourself and to Make Your Happiness a Priority. It's a Necessity." (Mandy Hale)

"Self-Care is Not Selfish. You Cannot Serve From an Empty Vessel." (Eleanor Brown)