“Then Jonathan said to David…You will be
missed because your seat will be empty.” (1 Samuel 20:18 NLV)
When you lose a loved
one, you realize that Relationships
are much more important than Possessions.
But we often forget that in our scramble to the top of the heap of what this
world considers Success. In fact, we’ve
become so busy with climbing the ladder of success, that many of us haven’t
even noticed that our families have fallen down, while we were climbing up.
However, I’ve come to
discover that True Valuables are not
found in cars, houses, land, businesses, money, vacations or success. But True Valuables are driving in that car
with your family to a restaurant for dinner and laughing the whole way there;
walking into the rooms of your home to see your family has a roof over their
head, food in the fridge, clothes in the closets, shoes for their feet, running
hot and cold water, air in a hot season; and heat in a cold season; going out
into your backyard to see children running around, happy, healthy and at play;
being about your Father’s business and not your own personal, selfish agenda;
having enough money to give away especially to those in their time of need;
sending your parents away on vacation; and ultimately having the real success of
knowing how to Treasure all these True Valuables!
Which reminds me of when the Apostle Paul said, “But we have this TREASURE in earthen vessels, that the
excellency of the power may be of God, and not of us.” (2 Corinthians 4:7). When I think of that Scripture I
learned to also personalize it, meaning my life may not be all I desire it to
be, I may not have a fancy car, big house, prominent career and all the money
in the world, which is equivalent to an unattractive “earthen
vessel” that’s misshaped and cracked. However, I still have Treasure!
And my Treasure is not found in Things, but it’s found in the People in my life
that make me Wealthy! In other words, my Wealth is not in my wallet, purse,
stocks, bonds, paycheck, 401K, checking or savings accounts. But my Wealth is
found in my husband, children, family and friends; my peace, joy, contentment,
happiness, wholeness and health. That is what I consider my Greatest of Assets!
And what is an “asset”? It’s defined as “a useful or valuable thing or person”. And I for
one can indeed admit that my Loved Ones are both Useful and Valuable!
Do you make sure that your loved ones feel the
same way…Treasured…Valuable?
Look at it like this:
Being told you’ve only a short time to live puts you into shock, and then
re-orders your priorities. All of a sudden you realize that what mattered
yesterday, should’ve never mattered at
all. Anger seems useless, bitterness no longer dwells in your thoughts, and
unforgiveness no longer has room to hide in your heart. Revenge becomes of no
interest, and malicious words no longer proceed from your lips. And all because you realize you have no time
to waste! Which brings to mind Moses’ words, “So teach us to number our days, that we may
apply our hearts unto wisdom.” (Psalm 90:12). The Contemporary English Version states
it like this, “Teach
us to use wisely all the time we have.” (CEV). And why should we do this? Because you have no idea how much time you
have! That’s
why you make the most of it, with those who matter most!
Knowing you only have
an allotted amount of time left, of which you do not know how much, should make you want to fill each precious moment
with the words you’ve left unsaid and the things you’ve neglected to do. Think
about it, how many more times can you possibly say that you’re going back to school,
that you’re going to spend more time with your family, that you’re going to eat
right and exercise, that you’re going to lose weight, that you’re going to
forgive and forget? Saying it and doing it are two very different things. And when you don’t have
a concrete timetable of how much time you have remaining, it ought to motivate
you to stop saying and start doing before there’s no more time left to
procrastinate with.
Also, make sure you don’t
allow self-centeredness, masquerading as ambition (or religious zeal), to keep you from
showing love to those who need it. Nobody is that deep, spiritual, gifted, anointed or BUSY to
do and say what matters most, to those who matter most! In other words, stop making excuses and go ahead and
make that phone call. Send that email. Buy those flowers. Take that trip. Visit
more often. Say, “I love you.” In other words, “be there” while you’re “still there”.
Do and say what
you can, while you can, because the moment will come when you have no breath or
time left to do or say either!
And if you are a leader, you’re particularly at
risk for neglect! Meaning, don’t you dare sacrifice your family on the altar of your
career, ministry, church, schedules, assignments and appointments, because if you do, you’ll end up with regrets
you can’t resolve. This is a good portion of the reason why we have so many
people in counseling. Because so much that should’ve been said and done, was
not, and the moment was missed, and now the person is gone, and there’s no way
to reconcile. Or on the flip side of that coin, words were said, and actions
made that should not have been, but once said or done, can’t be reversed or
forgotten and so we spend a lifetime of regrets and anger. But remember what the Bible admonishes: you are to “… use wisely all
the time [you] have.” The key word is “wisely”. Can you imagine how many
mistakes and bad choices would never be made if only we used Wisdom?!
Well, while you still have time, why not use Wisdom today? And what’s a Wise
thing to do? Start
taking advantage of the time you have and stop taking it for granted!
Listen to this: The
son of a well-known missionary stood at his dad’s grave without shedding a tear. He told
someone, “You
never miss what you never had. My dad loved people on the other side of the
world, but I’m not sure he loved me.” I wonder how many people in your life feel like
that about you? Aren’t you curious
yourself? How
many people do you “assume” know how you feel; know that you love them; know
that you care; know that they’re important to you? And how do they know it?
Because you’ve taken out the time to say so and do so and not “assume” they
know so! You do not, under any circumstances, want people to feel as the son
above did, that at the end of your life they’re wondering if they were ever
really a part of your life at all!
I had a dear friend to recently pass away and
to hear everyone speak of her with such wonderful words made me smile, but
didn’t make me happy. And the reason why is because I knew she battled
depression really bad for many years. We had extensive talks about her feeling
unloved, unwanted, and not noticed. And this was a married woman of 25 years
with 3 adult children and a pastor’s wife and overseer of the women’s ministry.
And yet, she always felt lonely, disregarded, and even shunned. But her
home-going celebration was marvelous. However, it makes me wonder if those who
said I love you, at the grave said I love you while she still had breath…I
cannot force this point hard enough, make sure the people you love, KNOW you
love them!
I had another friend recently
pass away from cancer. He was not a believer, did not go to church, and
therefore, even after being put into hospice, still did not want a funeral. The
family tried their hardest to persuade him about a funeral so people could say
their goodbye’s and share their tears, stories and memories. However, I’ll
never forget his words in our last conversation, they summarize in part like
this, “Sis,
I’m almost 50 years old. Meaning I’ve been on this planet for almost 5 decades.
I’ve met a lot of people, and loved a lot of people. And for some reason I
simply feel that those who have known me, and especially those who have loved
me, would have already told me and shown me by now. After all, if they love me,
wouldn’t they want me to hear them say I love you or for me to see their love
for me in their actions? Why would they want to wait until I can’t hear, see or
know what they’re saying or doing on my behalf? Why not now while I’m still
here? That’s why I don’t want a funeral, anyone who loves me, has already told
me or shown me. Nothing else need be done once I’m no longer here.” Some may consider
that depressing, but as for me it made me think…am I wasting time waiting to
say or do things that can and should be said and done now? Will I still have the
opportunity to do so tomorrow? Will others have the opportunity to do so for me
on tomorrow? I reiterate, make sure the people you love, KNOW you love them…and
might I add…do so TODAY for Tomorrow is NOT promised!
Listen: The truth of the matter is simple: The
clock’s ticking and the days have taken up their wings and they’re flying by
rather quickly. Before you know it they’ll be out of diapers, or off to their
first day of school, first day of high school, first day of college. Before you
know it your wedding will have passed and you’ll be wondering how in the world
did we get to 20 years so fast? Before you know it, you’ll be wondering where
did mom and dad get all that grey from, when did they start walking so slow,
are they really retiring already, am I already looking for their nursing home? Before
you know it, they’ll go from a play date to a marriage proposal, wedding and
kids and you’ll be wondering how did I become a grandparent so soon?
In other words, life is moving by more rapid
than you remember from when you were a kid. So, slow down, prioritize what and
who is really important then pour your all into them. Give them your all and
your best. Not just your wallet, but YOU and your time!
And might I add, sometimes life hits you below
the belt! Some parents are heart-broken now because they buried their child, and
surely this is not how this is supposed to go. Someone’s 4 year old has
leukemia, someone’s 21 year old sister had to have a full hysterectomy and she
has no children. Someone’s dad was killed in the line of duty. Someone’s mom
was hit by a drunken driver. Someone’s brother never returned home from school.
Someone’s marriage ended in divorce after just 3 years. Someone’s house
foreclosed. Someone’s business burned down. Life comes with many unexpected,
and therefore unprepared for moments. We assume that we have all the time in
the world, and that my friend is a far cry from the truth. “How do you know
what is going to happen tomorrow? For the length of your lives is as uncertain
as the morning fog – now you see it; soon it is gone.” (James 4:14 TLB).
Even the Bible
calls your life but a morning fog, appears out of nowhere, disappears in the
same manner. So, enjoy your life and your loved ones, before the fog lifts…
Now, I am not telling you to neglect work or
ministry for you must fulfill your God-given assignment in life because in the
end you still have to give God an account. However, this should not be attained
at the cost of losing the people who matter most in your life.
Lastly, take a moment
and think about these words from our opening text: “So Jonathan again made a pledge to David
because he loved David as much as himself. “Tomorrow is the festival of the new
moon,” Jonathan told David. “You will be missed because your seat will be
empty.” (1 Samuel 20:17-18 CEB). As for David, this was not about his death,
just about his presence being noticeably missed when he’s not at the festival,
leaving his seat empty. But I love the way the text reads because of who David
was, what he did and what he meant to the people, if he were not present for
dinner, his empty chair would be noticed by all. Another translation reads, “…your absence will be noticed if you aren’t at
the meal” (GNT). Do those you love know for certain that if they are not
around, their absence is noticed by you? With that said, might I also add this
little tidbit…the Church is supposed to be a family. And personally, neither of
my siblings can be out of communication with me for a day or two and I not know
where they are or how they’re doing. In other words, when you haven’t seen
someone from your church in a while, reach out! Let them know that their
absence is noticeable. Let them know that you miss them, you love them, you
care about them and their well-being. Many of people have left the church and
not returned only because we treated them as a number in a census instead of
the siblings that they are. Don’t let weeks, months and even years pass by.
Life is short and precious. Let your spiritual siblings know as well that their
absence leaves a void that they need to refill.
And a funny thing is
Saul was David’s enemy and yet the Bible says, “Jonathan said to David, “Tomorrow is the New
Moon festival. Your seat will be empty, SO MY FATHER WILL MISS YOU.”
(NCV).
Can you imagine
that even David’s enemies would notice his absence? Now if David’s enemies
noticed his absence, don’t you think I’ll loved ones should KNOW that we notice
theirs? Just a little something to think about…
I shared a testimony on yesterday on my social
media sites about my mom. You see, yesterday (March 15th), was a
full year to the day of the very last time I would hear my mom’s voice. She
would then spend March 16th – April 1st in a coma. And April
1st at 1:46pm she would leave all the machines and pain behind and
go off to Glory. She is now Pain-Free and Peace-Full, but it’s still hard to
know she’s gone. I’ve spent the last 5 years as her caregiver and not a single
day would go by that we wouldn’t chat about something. At her home going
celebration, I thought I would cry, fall apart, fall out, lose it and
everything else. However, surprisingly, I smiled and laughed a lot, even making
jokes with my mom’s only living sister, my Aunt Gerry. We had so many stories
to share even at the celebration of life, and we would sit in the pews and
giggle and laugh. And truthfully, that was only possible because when I looked
back over the last 5 years, the good outweighed the bad and I spent the good
and the bad WITH mom. I didn’t feel remorse or regret. A little lonely that I
lost my best friend, but we have had so much fun in these last few years. And
that’s even with her battling hypertension; diabetes; losing sight in one eye;
an amputated toe; poor circulation in her legs; breast cancer; chemo; breathing
difficulty; oxygen tanks; loss of hair; heart failure; kidney failure;
dialysis; and the millions of pills and doctor appointments. And still none of
that could compete with our good times in the midst of those bad times. In
fact, it’s hard to even find a picture anywhere of my mom NOT smiling and laughing.
Even all the pictures I’ve taken of her over the years in and out of hospitals,
she’s smiling, IN ALL OF THEM! She had the most wonderful personality; kind
hearted; generous to a fault; understanding; helpful; loving; forgiving and her
smile could brighten the darkest day and bring life to dead places. Just an all-around
beautiful woman. She took every lump, bump, bruise, pain, stick, poke, prod,
diagnosis with a smile. I share this today, because today, one year ago, it all
changed. I would never hear her voice again. I would never see her smile again.
I would never hear her laugh again. And still I smile and laugh today just at
the thought of all the memories I have of her.
What I’m saying to you brothers and sisters is
this, you only have this day and this moment, and not even those are promised.
There are no guarantees for tomorrow. So today, while you have life, health,
breath, strength and soundness of mind, reach out to those you love so that
when the last night is the LAST night, you’ll weep, but then you’ll wake up in
the morning with joy, no regrets and no remorse. Take it from someone who
personally knows, it will bless your entire life!
Therefore, today, it
is my prayer that this devotional has charged, challenged and encouraged you to
love your loved ones, better and more! Be verbal, be expressive! For at the end
of your journey, you don’t want to have anything left in you that was supposed
to be given to someone else. Say your I love you’s; give your gifts; go out to
eat; take the trip; watch the movie; make the phone call; send the email; mail
the letter; show up and surprise them. Restore, reconcile, fix, repair,
whatever has been ruined. Get that friendship and relationship back on track.
Don’t hesitate, don’t procrastinate, don’t wait for them to make the first
move. Enjoy your spouses, your children, your parents, grandparents,
god-parents, siblings, cousins, nieces and nephews, aunts and uncles, in-laws,
friends, church family, community, coworkers, etc. You’re still alive, so act
like it and LIVE! And not just live, but do so as Jesus said you should: John 10:10, “The
thief comes only in order to steal and kill and destroy. I CAME THAT THEY MAY
HAVE AND ENJOY LIFE, AND HAVE IT IN ABUNDANCE [TO THE FULL, TILL IT OVERFLOWS].”
(AMP)
That’s how you are to LIVE! Enjoying Life
Abundantly, to the Full, Until it Overflows, With Those You Love!
Friends and Family, whatever you do, just make
sure that TODAY you do and say something meaningful to those who mean the most
to you.
In a Nutshell: Sit With Them, Before Their Seat
Is Empty…
“Sometimes you will never know the true
value of a Moment until it becomes a Memory.”
“The most important gifts you can give are
your love, time and attention. Slow down, take time to smile and enjoy loved
ones…life goes by way too fast.” (Carla White)
“We waste so many days waiting for the
weekend. So many nights wanting morning. Our lust for future comfort is the
biggest thief of life.” (Joshua Glenn Clark)
“That breath that you just took…that’s a
Gift.” (Rob Bell)
“Tomorrow isn’t promised to anyone. Live
Today.” (Mark Black)
“I’ve learned that regardless of your
relationship with your parents, you’ll miss them when they’re gone from your
life.” (Dr. Maya Angelou)
“Love your parents and treat them with
loving care. For you will only know their value when you see their empty chair.”
“We’re not promised tomorrow, so don’t
waste a moment living in the past.” (Joel Osteen)
“Say it before you run out of time. Say it
before it’s too late. Say what you’re feeling. Waiting is a mistake.”
“Don’t take your health for granted. Don’t
take your body for granted. Do something today that communicates to your body
that you desire to care for it. Tomorrow is not promised.” (Jada Pinkett Smith)
“We aren’t promised tomorrow. We aren’t
even really promised today, or that next second, or minute that ticks by. We’re
gifted with moments, each one precious, each one different. So take those
moments, and use them. Don’t let them pass by in anger. Don’t let those moments
build up into silence between the two of you, because you never know if they’ll
be taken, and we never know the final number of we’ve been awarded. Let no
moment go unused. Let no moments escape where you could have expressed love for
one another.” (Rachel Van Dyken)
“The greatest weakness of most humans is
their hesitancy to tell others how much they love them while they’re still
alive.”
“Today, why don’t you love a little deeper,
laugh a little louder, hold the ones you love a little tighter. Because
tomorrow is never promised.”
“Tomorrow has not be promised, so Today, I
want all my family and friends to know how Thankful I am for Each and Every one
of you and how Blessed I feel that you are All a part of My Life.” (Truth
Follower)
“Life can change so fast, so unexpectedly.
Love when you can, while you can, as much as you can.” (Mandy Hale)
“Life is a train ride, and at the many
stations along the route, people important to us debark, never to get aboard
again, until by the end of the journey, we sit in a passenger car where most of
the seats are empty.” (Dean Koontz)
“I enjoy nothing more than spending time
with my loved ones, young and old, and at least once a year we get together for
a formal family photograph.” (Elliott Erwitt)
“Enjoy the time you have with your loved
ones. Too many people wish they had spent more time with their loved ones
before they passed away.”
“We don’t know what tomorrow is going to
bring and the only thing we really have is right now. So, don’t stay angry for
too long and learn to forgive. Love your friends and family with all your
heart. Have fun and live your life the way you want to live it. Most of all,
don’t worry about people that don’t like you and enjoy the ones who do.”
(Informative Quotes)
“Cherish every moment and every person in
your life, because you never know when it will be the last time you see
someone.”
“If we remembered every day that we could
lose someone at any moment, we would love them more fiercely and freely, and
without fear – not because there is nothing to lose, but because everything can
always be lost.”
Much Love, Dr.Shermaine #EnjoyTheReaad #BeEncouraged #LoveYourLovedOnes #LoveInAction #AppreciateLife
"It's Not Selfish to Love Yourself, Take Care of Yourself and to Make Your Happiness a Priority. It's a Necessity." (Mandy Hale)
"Self-Care is Not Selfish. You Cannot Serve From an Empty Vessel." (Eleanor Brown)
