“18 Habits of the Happiest – Healthiest Families”

 

 

GET HAPPY! Sometimes it may seem like every member of your family is heading in a different direction: kids have school, sports, and extracurricular's, not to mention it's increasingly tough to tear them away from their smartphones. And if you're like 59% of two-parent American families, then both you and your partner have jobs outside the home. But even if you often find yourselves embarking on separate paths, the most important relationships you can foster are those right at home—they make us who we are, after all. We asked top experts what the happiest families do to successfully come together and grow as a unit. Try bringing these 18 easy-to-adopt habits into your own home.

THEY CREATE A FAMILY MISSION STATEMENT: Organizations and companies create mission statements as a way to articulate goals. Families can do it for the same reasons: to teach kids values and bring the family unit closer. Kids can even contribute to the process, although "the level of involvement would need to be adjusted based on the age," says Simon Rego, PsyD, director of psychology training at Montefiore Medical Center in New York City. "Younger children would likely benefit from being informed about the family's mission statement then held to it, while older children may be invited to shape it." In any case, you're all partners.

THEY TAKE FAMILY HISTORY TRIPS: If you can afford to visit the haunts of your forefathers and mothers in Italy or Ireland, then great—but it doesn't have to be that complicated or expensive. You could even take your kids to the spot where you and your partner met, or the town where you or another relative grew up. "Making that family history come alive builds relationships," says AARP family expert Amy Goyer. Even better, invite grandma and grandpa along on the trip. They are, after all, the ultimate family historians.

THEY TELL STORIES: Take a trip without ever leaving the house by sharing stories with your kids from your past, and by inviting your parents and grandparents to join in. "Sharing family stories with grandchildren passes on the family's culture and traditions and provides a sense of connection across the generations," says Carroll Tingle, chair of human development and family studies at the University of Alabama. One way to do this is to let the children interview their grandparents. "They might ask what the grandparent remembers about the day the grandchild was born," Tingle says. "Truth is, most children love best those stories where they are the main character."

THE KIDS ARE CLOSE WITH THEIR GRANDPARENTS: Be sure the two generations have plenty of time to visit or at least talk. Grandparents can be a stabilizing influence: a study in the Journal of Family Psychology found that adolescents who had more grandparent involvement in their lives had fewer emotional problems and were more social than those who had less grandparent involvement. This was especially true in single-parent households and step-families. “Connections between the generations have long-term benefits for grandparents, parents and children," confirms Tingle.

THEY HAVE FAMILY MEETINGS: If you're old enough to remember The Brady Bunch, you'll also remember the official family meeting. It's an idea worth borrowing, says Marcia Slattery, MD, professor of psychiatry at the University of Wisconsin School of Medicine and Public Health. "It's designated time. Everybody has input and looks forward to it. It's sacred time you keep together." You can incorporate the family meeting into regularly scheduled programming such as Sunday dinner or make it a separate piece of the weekly schedule. "Agenda" items could include reviewing the past week, the upcoming week's schedule, new activities or problems at school.

THEY HAVE FAMILY RITUALS: Establish a routine where all members of the family know that you're doing something together on certain days of the week—think watching movies together on Friday evenings, going to the farmers market with grandma on Saturday mornings, or making a new type of pizza every Tuesday. Or you could be more creative together, making old-fashioned photo books and adding captions to the pictures. "It's like an investment," says Rego. "You create structured time as a family and treat it as a commodity."

THEY THANK EACH OTHER OFTEN: Encourage your kids and spouse to keep secret journals where they record all the times they find family members doing something good like when a child clears the dinner table without being asked, goes to bed without an argument, or when Dad picks up the dry cleaning for Mom. At the weekly family meeting, everyone can take turns acknowledging someone else. "They consciously and deliberately thank each other for the good things they've noticed them doing," says Rego. It doesn't have to end here: One study found that kids who wrote gratitude letters were happier. Other studies have shown that being grateful in general can make us not only happier, but healthier too.

THEY VOLUNTEER TOGETHER: Volunteering is gratitude-in-action, a time to express thanks by doing something positive for the community. Time spent in service teaches kids values and empathy and gives them new places to learn. It could be as simple as donating to a food bank, picking up garbage, or helping out at a homeless shelter. It could even be a way to exercise together: you could train for a Bike MS ride (a nationwide series of bicycle rides that benefits the National Multiple Sclerosis Society), or create a Relay for Life team (overnight walk-runs benefiting the American Cancer Society, and also held nationwide). "There are an infinite number of ways we can engage in volunteerism or charity and any one of them help enhance the overall climate of the family," says Rego.

EACH CHILD GETS ONE-ON-ONE TIME: Time spent together as a group is important, but so is spending time with each of your kids individually. "Every child will be unique and needs to feel that parents are interested in them as much as any sibling," says Slattery. You can pick specific days of the week to spend dedicated time with each of your children, either at home or away from home. Or you can make sure you spend a portion of each evening (maybe before bed) with each child separately.

THEY HAVE ESTABLISHED SLEEP ROUTINES: Let's face it: well-rested family members are easier to be around. But science points to other benefits as well. One study found that infants and toddlers who kept to a consistent bedtime routine including a bath, applying lotion, and quiet activities, slept better and woke less often than those who had no routine. And children who go to bed at the same time every night had fewer behavioral problems than those who didn't have a regular bedtime, research shows. Children and adults who get enough sleep are also less likely to be obese.

THEY KEEP AN ACTIVITY CALENDAR: Keep track of gymnastics practice, soccer games, music lessons, and whatever other activities your family is juggling on a whiteboard, wall calendar, or by using an app like Cozi (which is owned by Health's parent company). This facilitates communication and keeps everyone organized, says Slattery. This is useful even when your lives are less hectic, like when the kids are out of school and too much unstructured time creates anxiety. When that's the case, Slattery suggests creating slots for physical exercise, brain exercise (such as reading), social interaction, and playtime each week. "The big areas I emphasize are consistency and routines," she says. "The predictability and stability of what we do and when goes a long way."

THEY WRITE OUT CHORES AND EXPECTATIONS: Along with a mission statement, everyone should know what chores they're expected to do. Involve the kids in making the house rules (at least up to a point) by giving them options for their weekly responsibilities: Would they rather feed the dog, clear the table after dinner, or take out the garbage? "Make it specific and concrete and tangible," says Slattery. Tape the list to the inside of a cupboard door. "That takes away the 'I didn't say that' and 'What are you talking about?'" she adds.

THEY LAUGH TOGETHER: Tell jokes, watch funny movies, and above all else, learn how to laugh at yourselves. "It's very important to integrate humor into the home on a regular basis," says Slattery. Research has shown that laughter can improve mood, boost our immune systems, and improve heart health. Private jokes (as long as they're not cruel or demeaning) can be another way of fostering connections within the family, adds Rego. Nicknames—maybe a teen child is still "Pooh Bear" because that was their favorite stuffed teddy as a child—can also foster connections.

THEY EAT DINNER TOGETHER: Families that eat dinner together are healthier and happier, and family mealtime teaches kids to love good-for-you foods and to control their portions. "Taking the time to sit down and talk and share food is just one of many ways to catch up with each other," says Lynn Barendsen, executive director of the Family Dinner Project, an organization that encourages family meals and family time. Take it to another level by wearing your PJs at the dinner table. The wardrobe change helps set mealtime apart from other sitting times that may seem boring to kids, like school, say the Family Dinner Project experts.

THEY HELP THE KIDS OPEN UP: If your kids tend to clam up during family meals—especially if they're teetering on the teen years—try "table topics." These are slips of paper in a bowl at the center of the table that have conversation starters and questions written on them. Fun, even nonsensical topics can be mixed in with nutrition questions so kids learn tips for a lifetime, says Wesley Delbridge, RD, a spokesperson with the Academy of Nutrition and Dietetics. Some suggestions: "If you could be any superhero, which would you be?" and "What is your favorite fruit and vegetable?" Topics can be tailored for any and all age groups.

THEY COMMUNICATE CONSISTENTLY: Consistency is a good general rule for any household. This holds especially true for communication. "Open communication clearly has been shown to be helpful for kids to learn self-expression and problem solving," says Slattery. Make an effort to communicate at consistent times such as during family meals and at bedtime. And make sure all family members have an opportunity to speak and also practice active listening. "That means respectfully paying attention to what another family member is talking about and asking appropriate follow-up questions or comments to convey you've heard what they've said and are interested," says Slattery. "Don't interrupt and don't just talk about yourself."

THEY UNPLUG ONCE IN AWHILE: You don't want your kids' (or your) main relationship to be with an iPhone. Turn all screens off when it's designated time to talk to each other, like the family meeting or dinnertime, suggests Slattery. "This goes for parents too," says Slattery. "When kids approach parents, they should move away from their computer or phone and be there to respectfully listen." Among other things, this teaches active listening.

THEY USE TECHNOLOGY TO THEIR ADVANTAGE: While you don't want to be immersed in a screen 24/7, there are times when it can be helpful—for keeping in touch with grandparents, for example. Tingle's grandchildren live five hours away but she reads to them "virtually" on a regular basis. "While I narrate, they sit looking at the illustrations (from my computer screen to theirs) just as mesmerized as if they were sitting in my lap," she says. She also sets her laptop on the kitchen counter so they can cook together. "Emails, text messages, and tweets are great ways to share laughs, encouragement, learning experiences and just to let them know you care," she adds. "I've sung lullabies via speaker phone to infant grandchildren who are resisting sleep."

By: Amanda Gardner, Health

 

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"It's Not Selfish to Love Yourself, Take Care of Yourself and to Make Your Happiness a Priority. It's a Necessity." (Mandy Hale)

"Self-Care is Not Selfish. You Cannot Serve From an Empty Vessel." (Eleanor Brown)

“Alcoholism in Black Women

Facts About Alcohol Abuse:

Alcohol abuse is a serious problem in the United States and in many countries throughout the world. Those afflicted with alcoholism suffer from a variety of problems that negatively impact upon many aspects of their lives. It is estimated that between 9 to 13 million people suffer from alcohol abuse. The statistics are quite frightening. Alcohol is responsible for half the annual deaths due to automobile accidents, and for more than 70% of adolescent suicides (Landy, 1987).

Over time, alcohol abuse leads to a variety of serious health problems. These can include chronic liver disease, decreased sex hormone production, pancreatitis, kidney disease, and brain damage. Psychiatric problems include depression, paranoia, and low self-esteem. It is difficult for individuals with alcohol problems to be productive and many lose jobs or cannot be successful in their area of work. Perhaps the most devastating effects of chronic alcohol problems are the social problems which manifest directly from alcoholism: domestic violence, child abuse, marital conflict, deconstruction of the family and of community cohesion.

Alcoholism Defined:

There is a difference between alcoholism and problem drinking. Alcoholics are both physically and psychologically dependent, while problem drinkers are psychologically dependent.

The physiological dependency can be seen in the high tolerance that drinkers develop - that is, the need to drink more and more to obtain the same effects. Research has shown that over time (with regular alcohol use) the body adjusts to having the chemical in its system. The body then becomes “normal” only with alcohol. The alcohol is required for basic functioning, and many alcoholics need a drink in the morning just to get out of bed.

The physical nature of alcoholism is also seen in compulsive behaviors (the inability to stop drinking once started). This is what is referred to as the “out of control” behaviors of the alcoholic.

One of the psychological aspects of dependency is the obsessive thoughts about drinking. Another is the use of alcohol to relieve tension and anxiety. Typically the heavy drinker has difficulty coping with negative feelings and discovers that alcohol relieves worry and distress. A pattern of drinking to ease daily tension and life problems escalates leading ultimately to physiological dependence. In this way, the problem drinker becomes an alcoholic.

Alcoholism and Black Women:

Those at risk for developing alcohol addiction are individuals who experience a lot of stress in their lives, have difficulty coping, have easy access to alcohol, and are encouraged to drink by their social environment. Alcoholism is especially likely when individuals grow up with one or more alcoholic parents.

White men have among the highest rates of alcoholism in the U.S. Black males experience less alcoholism than White males, but still have rates high enough to be of concern (15% in 1984 and 1995 surveys). Black women have a much lower rate (5% in both surveys) which is equal to White women (Caetano & Clark, 1998).

While the rates of alcoholism are relatively low amongst Black women, they do face the challenge of coping with the alcoholism of their male spouses. It is suggested that they may be affected by “codependency”, the tendency of family members to protect the alcoholic and take on alcoholic-like characteristics, such as denial, blaming, and rationalizing dysfunctional behaviors.

Black women must also be aware of some of the stresses and sources of depression unique to them which contribute to turning to alcohol as a coping mechanism. Causal factors of stress and depression for Black women often cited are racism, sexual exploitation, alienation from traditional African and African American values (such as spirituality and community), and increasingly poor relationships between Black women and men.

Could You Be in Danger of Alcoholism?

If you or someone you know is questioning whether drinking habits are a problem, then it will be worthwhile to complete the test found below. How you answer the questions may give you the answers you seek.

Directions: Please take a few minutes to respond to the following questions by answering “yes” or “no.”

Yes	No
___	___	1. Do you occasionally drink heavily after a disappointment, a quarrel, or when the boss gives you a hard time?
___	___	2. When you have trouble or feel under pressure, do you always drink more heavily than usual?
___	___	3. Have you noticed that you are able to handle more liquor than you did when you were first drinking?
___	___	4. Did you ever wake up on the “morning after” and discover that you could not remember part of the evening before, even though your friends tell you that you did not “pass out?”
___	___	5. When drinking with other people, do you try to have a few extra drinks when others will not know it?
___	___	6. Are there certain occasions when you feel uncomfortable if alcohol is not available?
___	___	7. Have you recently noticed that when you begin drinking you are in more of a hurry to get the first drink than you used to be?
___	___	8. Do you sometimes feel a little guilty about your drinking?
___	___	9. Are you secretly irritated when your family or friends discuss your drinking?
___	___	10. Have you recently noticed an increase in the frequency of your memory “blackouts?”
___	___	11. Do you often find that you wish to continue drinking after your friends say that they have had enough?
___	___	12. Do you have a reason for the occasions when you drink heavy?
___	___	13. When you are sober, do you often regret things that you have done or said while drinking?
___	___	14. Have you tried switching brands or* following different plans for controlling your drinking?
___	___	15. Have you often failed to keep the promises that you have made to yourself about controlling or cutting down your drinking?
___	___	16. Have you ever tried to control your drinking by making a change in jobs, or moving to a new location?
___	___	17. Do you try to avoid family or close friends while you are drinking?
___	___	18. Are you having an increasing number of financial and work problems?
___	___	19. Do more people seem to be treating you unfairly without good reason?
___	___	20. Do you eat very little or irregularly when you are drinking?
___	___	21. Do you sometimes have the “shakes” in the morning and find that it helps to have a little drink?
___	___	22. Have you recently noticed that you cannot drink as much as you once did?
___	___	23. Do you sometimes stay drunk for several days at a time?
___	___	24. Do you sometimes feel very depressed and wonder whether life is worth living?
___	___	25. Sometimes after periods of drinking, do you see or hear things that are not there?
___	___	26. Do you get terribly frightened after you have been drinking heavily?

Scoring: Those who answer yes to any of these questions may have some symptoms of alcoholism and should seek help. Yet answers to several of the questions indicate these stages of alcoholism:

Questions 1-8: early stage

Questions 9-21: middle stage

Questions 22-26: beginning of the final stage.
 

_________________

Source: From the brochure, What are the Signs of Alcoholism? Published by the National Council of Alcoholism.

Seeking Help:

Treating the alcoholic woman requires an understanding of the complex nature of her problem. For one thing, alcoholics are in need of psychological healing. This includes developing a better self-understanding, increased “emotion regulation” skills, and improved impulse control. Given the obstacles every African American woman must face, adequate coping skills are critical for prevention of alcohol problems. Positive social supports are needed as well.

Because the alcoholic often compromises her principles and morals due to her compulsive behavior, she can feel spiritually empty. The alcoholic drinker experiences feelings of guilt and shame due to her inability to keep promises to herself (and others) not to drink. In addition, because she has used alcohol to escape negative emotions, she may have failed to learn how to be responsible and may be emotionally immature. Most alcoholics tend to be in denial of their problem and blame and manipulate others to maintain their lifestyle and avoid consequences of their drinking.

Treatment:

Treatment must be complex to meet the challenges of healing the alcoholic, including breaking through denial and building a vision of a healthier lifestyle. There are many professional treatments for alcoholism. Individual therapy or inpatient treatments are the typical methods of healing. These make a logical first step because of the benefit of being in a controlled environment safe from temptations to drink. Treatment programs that focus on the unique needs of African Americans do exist (though rare). Alcoholics Anonymous (A.A.), a twelve-step support group, is not professional-based, but has a very good success rate for healing the alcoholic who is motivated to change. One caveat for African American women who participate in A.A. is that its emphasis on “accepting powerlessness” may lack the empowering effect it has for others. For Black women who typically do not feel powerful in U.S. society “Surrendering” to the idea of being an alcoholic may be a more appropriate attitude.

Healing begins with admitting that drinking is out of control and recognizing the destructive consequences of drinking on the self and on others. The next step is to contact A.A. or a substance abuse treatment facility in your community. The road to recovery for African American women often leads not only to the ability to abstain from drinking, but to a new found sense of spirituality and increased self-awareness and self-esteem.

By: George Leary, M.S. 

References

1. Caetano R. & Clark L. (1998). Trends in alcohol-related problems among whites, blacks, and Hispanics: 1984-1995. Alcoholism: Clinical and Experimental Research 22(2): 534-538.
2. Landy, F.J. (1987). Psychology: The science of people (2nd ed.). Englewood Cliffs, NJ: Prentice-Hall

Additional Resources:

1. Alcoholics Anonymous: www.aa.org
2. National Council on Alcoholism and Drug Dependence: www.ncadd.org
3. 24 hour referral line: 1-800-NCA-CALL

Utah Alcoholism Foundation
Salt Lake City, Utah

- See more at: http://www.blackwomenshealth.com/blog/alcohol-addiction-and-abuse/#sthash.wzt0kMhd.dpuf

Much Love, Dr.Shermaine #InformativeRead #PleaseShare #HealthyBodySoulAndSpirit #IWantYou2Live

"It's Not Selfish to Love Yourself, Take Care of Yourself and to Make Your Happiness a Priority. It's a Necessity." (Mandy Hale)

"Self-Care is Not Selfish. You Cannot Serve From an Empty Vessel." (Eleanor Brown)