“Signs of a Bad Friend”

 

Friends are an important part of life — they make your life better by providing social and emotional support, providing companionship, and lifting your mood. Over your lifetime, maintaining positive friendships can lead to improved health and well-being — and even lengthen your life. However, not all friendships are beneficial. Some are toxic and stressful. A bad friend can be many things, but, typically, they lead to mental and emotional fatigue or a lack of general well-being. Research shows that negative or overly-aggressive social interactions can lead to increased inflammation within the body.

WHAT IS A BAD FRIEND? In short, a bad friend is someone who is stressful or exhausting to be around. They may be:

• Overly competitive with you
• Likely to encourage bad behaviors 
• Unreliable
• Combative (like to start fights)
• Rude
• Mean or degrading (make you feel bad)
• Prone to gossip
• Likely to bully you or others

Humans aren’t perfect, and this extends to friendships. However, when interactions with a friend are overwhelmingly negative, you may be dealing with a bad friend. While admitting you have a bad friend can be disappointing, there are steps you can take to move forward. Recognizing the types of bad friends and the signs of a toxic friendship, as well as moving on from the relationship, will lead to your improved health and well-being. 

TYPES OF BAD FRIENDS: While bad friendships always include negative interactions and damage to your emotional well-being, there is a broad range of the types of toxic friendships you may experience. Some examples include:

THE SELFISH FRIEND: This friend may only make plans when it is beneficial to them — or only when they are feeling lonely and bored. They may also seek constant attention or ask for unreasonable favors. Otherwise, they are unavailable or unreliable when you need them most. This friendship may feel largely one-sided or disappointing. 

THE OVERLY CRITICAL FRIEND: This friend may degrade you intentionally or unintentionally. If they share your personal stories or make derogatory comments (such as put downs) behind your back, you may have an overly critical friend who lacks a healthy filter. 

THE OVERSTEPPING FRIEND: This friend may have good intentions but lacks boundaries. An overstepping friend may insert themselves into conversations or issues with you and your partner, family, or other friends without being asked or initially included.

THE COMPETITIVE FRIEND: Competition can be healthy, but if you find that your friend is passive-aggressive when you find success, you may be dealing with an overly competitive friend who is unable to be happy for you. 

THE VICTIM: A common form of bad friend is the victim. While friends will need help from time to time, this person may have an unhealthy need for attention or sympathy from others. They may drain your capacity for compassion. 

SIGNS OF A BAD FRIEND: Every friendship has its problems, but a truly bad friend will follow a consistent pattern of toxic behavior. Several signs, however, can indicate that your friendship is damaging to you or your other relationships. Here are some of the signs to watch out for.

DISTRUST: If you find yourself with a genuine lack of trust toward a friend, it may be time to part ways. Another sign of a bad friend is a growing feeling of unease or dislike toward them. 

ABUSE: While it may seem obvious, it can be difficult to recognize abusive behavior in people you love or trust. Any form of abuse — physical, mental, emotional, or otherwise — is an occasion for ending the friendship and including professional help from law enforcement or other resources if needed. Abuse may not always seem obvious. Listen to your intuition (gut feeling). If you’re feeling degraded or mistreated by your friend, you are in a negative relationship that can damage your self-esteem and mental health. 

MALICIOUS BEHAVIOR: If your friend speaks to you or calls you names with the intent to hurt your feelings, you are experiencing a bad friendship. Malicious (hurtful) behavior can appear in the form of rudeness, the cold shoulder, or overt meanness. 

BAD INFLUENCE: One of the clearest signs of a bad friend is that your friend encourages criminal or dangerous behavior. 

DEALING WITH A BAD FRIEND: It’s not uncommon to feel stuck in a bad friendship. If you’re starting to feel as though your friendship is becoming negative or is damaging your mental health, you should:

END THE FRIENDSHIP IMMEDIATELY: It can be challenging to decide to end a friendship. If you’re feeling unsure about the nature of your relationship, you may ask yourself:

• Does this friendship make me feel valued?
• Do I feel encouraged by my friend?
• Do I feel happy when I’m with my friend?

If you cannot answer any of these questions positively, it is time to end your friendship and move on.

BUILD NEW RELATIONSHIPS: It is important to surround yourself with positive and meaningful relationships. If you’re feeling discouraged, you can meet new people by:

• Attending events 
• Volunteering 
• Extending and accepting invitations to others
• Taking up a new hobby
• Joining a community 
• Taking a walk 

MEDICALLY REVIEWED BY: Dan Brennan, MD, WebMD on November 17, 2020

SOURCES:

Innovation in Aging: “THE UNIQUE ROLE OF FRIENDSHIP FOR HEALTH AND WELL-BEING ACROSS LIFE AND AROUND THE WORLD.”

Mayo Clinic: “Friendships: Enrich your life and improve your health.”

Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences of the United States of America: “Negative and competitive social interactions are related to heightened proinflammatory cytokine activity.”

Psychology Today: “Behind Frenemy Lines: How I’ve identified and dealt with toxic friendships.”

Psychology Today: “How to Spot a Bad Friend.”

“In life we never lose friends, we only learn who the TRUE ones are.” (Author Unknown)

“Some of the most poisonous people come disguised as friends.” (Author Unknown)

“Growing up means realizing a lot of your friends aren’t really your friends.” (Author Unknown)

“The biggest mistake I have made in my life is letting people stay in my life far longer than they deserved to.” (Author Unknown)

“Sometimes friends are like pennies, two-faced and worthless.” (Author Unknown).

“Be very selective when it comes to choosing friends. People nowadays don’t know the true meaning of friendship and loyalty.” (Author Unknown).

“Bad friends will prevent you from having good friends.” (Author Unknown).

“I’m not saying you’re a bad friend…you just aren’t a good one to me.” (Author Unknown).

“If I cut you off, chances are, you handed me the scissors.” (Author Unknown).

“Everybody isn’t your friend. Just because they hang around you and laugh with you doesn’t mean they’re for you. Just because they say they got your back, doesn’t mean they won’t stab you in it. People pretend well. Jealously sometimes doesn’t live far. So, know your circle. At the end of the day, real situations expose fake people, so pay attention.” (Author Unknown).

“Breaking someone’s trust is like crumpling up a perfect piece of paper. You can smooth it over but it’s never going to be the same again.” (Author Unknown).

“A close friend can become a close enemy.” (Author Unknown).

“Fake friends are like shadows. They follow you in the sun but leave you in the dark.” (Author Unknown).

“Don’t fear the ENEMY that ATTACKS you, but the FAKE FRIEND that HUGS you.” (Author Unknown).

“Distance sometimes lets you know who’s worth keeping and who’s worth letting go.” (Author Unknown).

“A true friend is someone who is always there for you, with no agenda other than the friendship itself. We rely on our friends to lift us up in bad times, to keep us grounded in good times, but most importantly, to be there for us when we need nothing at all.” (Tonya Hurley).

“True friends say good things behind your back and bad things to your face.” (Author Unknown).

 

Much Love, Dr.Shermaine, #InformativeRead #PleaseShare #HealthyBodySoulAndSpirit #IWantYou2LiveWell #FeelFree2SignUpAndFollow

The Goal is to Always Make You Aware of What Concerns Your Body, Soul and Spirit, So You Can Have Open, Honest and Frequent Discussions With Your Physicians and Counselors. You Can’t Treat or Cure What You Don’t Know is Sick.
 
"It's Not Selfish to Love Yourself, Take Care of Yourself and to Make Your Happiness a Priority. It's a Necessity." (Mandy Hale)

"Self-Care is Not Selfish. You Cannot Serve From an Empty Vessel." (Eleanor Brown)

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“Do You Smell Like Christ?”

2 Corinthians 2:14-16, “But thanks be to God, who always leads us in victory through Christ. God uses us to spread His knowledge everywhere like a sweet-smelling perfume.  Our offering to God is to be the perfume of Christ that goes out to those who are being saved and to those who are being lost. To those who are being lost, this perfume smells like death, and it brings them death. But to those who are being saved, it has the sweet smell of life, and it brings them life...” (ERV)

Anyone who knows me knows how much I love perfumes! Some of my favorites are: “Flowerbomb” (Viktor & Rolf); “Euphoria” (Calvin Klein); “Daisy” (Marc Jacobs); “Jimmy Choo”; “Light Blue” and "The One" (Dolce & Gabbana); "Black Opium" (Yves Saint Laurent); "Candy" (Prada); "Gucci Bamboo"; "Rogue" (Rihanna); “Cashmere Mist” (Donna Karan); “Fancy” (Jessica Simpson). Just to name a few…in case you so happen to see it and think of me…lol!

But, for many years my absolute favorite scent of choice was “White Diamonds” (Elizabeth Taylor). You didn’t have to ask me what I was wearing, because that was all I wore! In fact, I remember leaving work early one day and coming home. By the time my kids got in from school, they immediately went in their room and turned on the television. I assumed they had no idea I was home early. So I stayed in my room, still quietly reading a novel and relaxing for a while longer. Then, I decided to pick on the kids. I thought I would just randomly open their bedroom door and scream “boo!” I just knew without a shadow of a doubt that they would be scared to death! And so I made my big attempt to scare them. I snatched the door open, jumped in the room and screamed “boo!” However, both of them turned and looked at me as if I had lost my entire mind. My oldest daughter said, “mom, are you okay?” And then my youngest daughter added, “yeah ma, because you look a little crazy”. I asked, “didn’t I scare you?” They both responded “no”. I asked, “why not?” My oldest said, “mom, we already knew you were home.” I said, “how is that possible? I didn’t tell anyone I was coming home early.” My oldest responds yet again? “ma, you don’t have to tell anyone you’re home, we can smell you.” LOL! I thought that was the most comical remark I had ever heard. Even if they didn’t SEE me or HEAR me, they could SMELL me. They knew my SCENT because I was never without it!

That comical memory reminded me of 2 Corinthians 2:14-16 - sort of a perfume verse if you will. It opens with: "But thanks be to God, who always leads us as captives in Christ’s triumphal procession…" (NIV) Now, I don't know what you're going through right now, but that's got to be a great verse for whatever it is! Because no matter what we face from day-to-day, God, "…ALWAYS leads us in triumphant procession in Christ." And one of the favorite words in that text is “…ALWAYS…” Why? Because "...ALWAYS..." is defined as: "On All Occasions; At All Times; Forever; Repeatedly." So, we never have to be concerned about God forgetting about us (no matter how we feel or how bad things become). He will “…ALWAYS…” lead us in triumph (ON ALL OCCASIONS; AT ALL TIMES; FOREVER; REPEATEDLY!) Even if it’s getting the best of us now, it won’t always! Therefore, be encouraged! Victory is not just possible for the believer, it’s Inevitable. And that wonderful word “inevitable” means “certain to happen; unavoidable.” Its Latin Origin “inevitabilis,” from “in” (‘not’) and “evitare” (‘avoid’). In other words, you will not be able to avoid victory! It is certain to happen! Your victory is unavoidable! I reiterate, Be Encouraged! 

But then God goes on to say, "…and uses us to spread the aroma of the knowledge of Him everywhere." (NIV). I'm pretty sure you know someone who is sort of preceded by the aroma of their cologne or their perfume. Much like I was with my kids and my “White Diamonds” perfume. You kind of know they're coming before you see them; because you can smell them. And even after they're gone, the aroma still lingers.

Well, church, the impact of our life here is described as a fragrance, somewhat of a parable (something we, as women, can most certainly relate to in our everyday life). The knowledge of Christ is what we're supposed to leave behind us, no matter where we go, or how long we stay. That means that people are thinking about Jesus even after we’ve long passed them by and left their presence. We in essence, create a Jesus atmosphere around us. Now, modern Christianity measures our influence by our actions - the words we speak, the groups we lead, the good deeds we do, the people we helped, the activities we support. But our greatest influence doesn't come through any of that. Our greatest influence comes through the atmosphere we create while others are in our presence, and more so, once we’ve left.

Everywhere we are we're creating some kind of atmosphere; some kind of aroma; some kind of fragrance; some kind of smell; some kind of scent. But the question is: What kind?

Think about it: When you walk into your home, do you bring stress with you, or gentleness, affection? Coldness or warmth? Peace or Chaos? Happiness or misery? What kind of atmosphere does your presence, and absence, leave behind? Are people happy to see you come, or happier to see you go? Do you make them smile or frown? Do you make them feel loved or unwanted? What kind of atmosphere accompanies you at work; at school; at church; in the laundromat; in the supermarket; stuck in traffic; at the doctors office; when you're in pain? Do people walk towards you or away from you? 

I guess after all is said and done, people won't remember much that you said or even a lot of what you did. But they'll remember the atmosphere you set when you arrived and when you left. They'll remember how they felt when you were around.

As believers, there are certain characteristics and traits that should daily be our trademark. That word “trademark” is defined as “a symbol, word, or words, legally registered or established by use as representing a company or product; a distinctive characteristic or object.” What then is the believer’s trademark? “But the fruit of the Spirit [the result of His presence within us] is love [unselfish concern for others], joy, [inner] peace, patience [not the ability to wait, but how we act while waiting], kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control. Against such things there is no law.” (Galatians 5:22-23 AMP) This is the sweet smelling fruit people should smell in us when we’re in their presence, and long after we’ve left. They should never smell the rotten odor of a bad attitude. As believers, we are Christ’s representatives, we are the image and likeness of the God-Head; we are billboards of what heaven looks like; we are called by the very name of Christ, therefore, most certainly people look for us to look, act, and sound just like Him. After all, how can He be unconditionally loving, compassionate, patient, forgiving, caring, gentle, and healing…and we, called by His name, be the contrary opposite?  

Matthew 23:3, “so practice and observe everything they tell you, but do not do as they do; for they preach [things], but do not practice them.” (AMP). Do you really want this to be descriptive of you? That you can lead someone in the right way, while you, yourself continues in the wrong? Be used of God to help someone else, while hurting yourself in the same process? We can’t be called by Him, and not conduct ourselves like Him. We have to preach AND practice!

John 13:15, “For I gave you [this as] an example, so that you should do [in turn] as I did for you.” (AMP);

John 14:12, “I assure you and most solemnly say to you, anyone who believes in Me [as Savior] will also do the things that I do; and he will do even greater things than these [in extent and outreach], because I am going to the Father.” (AMP)

This is the expectation Jesus has of us! To do as He did and to do even greater….not less; even better, not worse!

Listen: Maybe your actions - your good actions even - are canceled out by the atmosphere of stress, or criticism, or negativity, or insensitivity that you create while you're doing all of those good things. You see, it's the atmosphere that really makes the difference. For instance, would you want someone who’s always bitter, resentful, angry, jealous, mean-spirited, and malicious, to walk up to you in your hour of need and say to you, “can I pray with you?” How silly does that sound? You would run in the opposite direction as fast as possible, because whatever they have on them you most definitely don’t want transferred to you! Which takes us back to our text: “But thanks be to God, who always leads us in victory through Christ. God uses us to spread His knowledge everywhere like a sweet-smelling perfume.  Our offering to God is to be the perfume of Christ that goes out to those who are being saved and to those who are being lost. To those who are being lost, this perfume smells like death, and it brings them death. But to those who are being saved, it has the sweet smell of life, and it brings them life...” (ERV)

For one, “…GOD USES US TO SPREAD HIS KNOWLEDGE EVERYWHERE…” That means in church, in our homes, on our jobs, at the gas station, in the library, in traffic, in the presence of friends, family and foes…EVERYWHERE! The word “everywhere” is simply defined as “in or to all places.” Meaning, we as Christians, are never off-duty! Our scent should never fade! We should smell like Christ even when they cut us off or curse us out; even when our hair and nails didn’t come out like we asked and paid for them to; even when we’re being deliberately provoked; even when we’re talked and gossiped about; even when the rumors are threatening to destroy our reputation; even when we’re not supported and encouraged. Our aroma should never be altered because of someone else’s funky attitude! Everywhere we go we are to smell like the Fruit of the Spirit, not like Rotting Flesh! Remember the Scripture: “…God uses us to spread His knowledge everywhere like a sweet-smelling perfume…” NOTE: That says “Sweet”, not “Sour”!  

Then it goes on to say: “…Our offering to God is to be the perfume of Christ that goes out to those who are being saved and to those who are being lost. To those who are being lost, this perfume smells like death, and it brings them death. But to those who are being saved, it has the sweet smell of life, and it brings them life...” (ERV)

Believe it or not, but “offerings” are not always about money! I know, who knew?! But it’s true, says this Scripture. “…Our OFFERING TO GOD is to be the PERFUME OF CHRIST…” it may not be money, but it is certainly of great worth, and valued in the eyes of God. To smell like Christ is an offering to God. So, have you been giving God this offering, or one that doesn’t smell quite as sweet?

Then we come to the last of the Scripture: “…Our offering to God is to be the perfume of Christ that goes out to those who are being saved and to those who are being lost. To those who are being lost, this perfume smells like death, and it brings them death. But to those who are being saved, it has the sweet smell of life, and it brings them life...” (ERV) Despite what you may see in many churches today, there should still be a distinction between them that are saved, and them that are not! And the two should never find themselves so comfortable, and compatible with one another that you can’t tell the difference between the two!

2 Corinthians 6:14-18, “Don’t become partners with those who reject God. How can you make a partnership out of right and wrong? That’s not partnership; that’s war. Is light best friends with dark? Does Christ go strolling with the Devil? Do trust and mistrust hold hands? Who would think of setting up pagan idols in God’s holy Temple? But that is exactly what we are, each of us a temple in whom God lives. God himself put it this way: “I’ll live in them, move into them; I’ll be their God and they’ll be my people. So leave the corruption and compromise; leave it for good,” says God. “Don’t link up with those who will pollute you. I want you all for myself. I’ll be a Father to you; you’ll be sons and daughters to me.” The Word of the Master, God.” (MSG)

There should be a distinction People of God! Unbelievers should come in our presence and smell the scent of death. If you don’t get right, hell is your heritage. And believers should come in our presence and smell the scent of life! We should look, act and sound like heaven, hope and healing. No matter where we go (or as the Scripture puts it, everywhere we go) we should smell like the Fragrance of Christ. There should always be a distinctive scent about us. We should make believers feel encouraged, and unbelievers, feel uncomfortable. They need to see the wide gap between having Christ and not having Him. They should wonder about our joy in the midst of turmoil. How do we keep our faith, how do we continue to smile, how do we continue to serve, how do we continue to hope, to trust, to believe for better, even while enduring the worst. They should smell victory in our presence, and in our absence. Our Fragrance of Christ, the Fragrance of Life should follow us and linger behind us.

So, about our aroma, yeah, it's there longer than we are, and the aroma that we should be leaving is the finest of fragrances. We should leave behind us a trail of joy, and peace, and blessing, making people feel important and listened to, and cared about. Actually, what you should leave behind is the essence of Jesus. 

So church, before you go shopping for your favorite fragrance, take some quiet time to yourself and inhale, do you have on the most important scent of all? Do you smell like Christ? Do you smell like love, understanding, comfort, belief, change? Do you smell like life? If not, going to the store may get you a fragrance that people can smell in your presence and absence. However, you can’t purchase the Fragrance of Christ that changes lives. It’s not bought, borrowed, lent or stolen. It’s Lived! It’s Shared! It’s Sweet! It’s Long-Lasting! A perfume bought from the store will change the scent of an atmosphere for a little while, but the Fragrance of Christ will change the scent of an atmosphere, and a person’s entire life for an eternity. 

Therefore, of the two, which do you think God deems the sweetest scent?

Dare I ask you again family, Are You Wearing the Fragrance of Christ?

P.S. The more consistent you wear His fragrance, the more known you’ll become for it. Like me and my white diamonds, my children knew I was home by the scent I always wore. So, let that be your testament too, that you always smell like the fragrance of Christ, even when people can’t see or hear you, they always smell your sweet scent of LIFE…EVERYWHERE YOU COME AND GO!

Much Love, Dr.Shermaine #InformativeRead #PleaseShare #HealthyBodySoulAndSpirit

"It's Not Selfish to Love Yourself, Take Care of Yourself and to Make Your Happiness a Priority. It's a Necessity." (Mandy Hale)

"Self-Care is Not Selfish. You Cannot Serve From an Empty Vessel." (Eleanor Brown)