Ephesians
4:31, “Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor [perpetual animosity,
resentment, strife, fault-finding] and slander be put away from you, along with
every kind of malice [all spitefulness, verbal abuse, malevolence].” (AMP)
I love children! But if you ask my children, they will probably tell you that’s because I’ve yet to
grow up myself! My eldest daughter often reminds me that I love children and
they love me, because we’re all the same
age…mentally! They relate to you because you relate to them, ma! Which may hold
a tad bit of truth actually! You see, I
love board games, jumping rope, running through the house, playing on the
swings, watching cartoons, blowing bubbles in my milk, dancing to any kind of music (even the music in my head that no one else hears
but me), playing with puppies, wearing ponytails, coloring in coloring books (outside the lines of course), and I
think I have more teddy-bear’s than ‘Build-a-Bear’! In a nutshell, yep, I believe I
love children because I’m still one of them! But it’s also my love of children
that has always made me over-protective
of them. As a child, I had some unfortunate moments happen to me that
should never happen to any child, and so where kids are concerned, I’m a little overly-sensitive.
In relation to that, another reason I’m this way is because of a
little girl, I didn’t even know. A
friend of mine who’s a police officer told me of his worst case on the job. He
said it was the day we were called to a home, and the first person to greet us
was a 5 year old little girl. We walked up to her sitting on the front porch
and introduced ourselves. But when we asked her, her name, her response is what
blew us away. She responded, "my name is Stupid." She's only 5 years old,
but when they were sent to respond to a report of child abuse, that's what she
told them “my
name is Stupid”. The marks of abuse were all over her little body.
There were bruises everywhere, she had a black eye, she had scars on her back,
she had cigarette burns up and down her little arms. And as grave as all of
that sounds, those will heal in time. But what about the names she's been
called? Would she
ever heal from the wounds of words? Can you imagine being called ‘Stupid’ so often in just a span of 5 short years, that
you actually think "Stupid" is your name?
But wait…before you pass judgment…think about this! What about the names
we've called people? Yes, us, believers, the church, disciples of Christ, children of the Most High God. What about the names
we've called people? Even people - maybe especially people - that we say we
love. How many
people we know carry invisible, but indelible scars from being wounded by our
own devastating words? And more often
than not, it's not that we necessarily meant to hurt them. Sometimes, we’re
honestly just angry,
or frustrated, or stressed, or feeling unheard, unloved, unappreciated, taken for granted, used, or ignored. And as our emotions
escalate, so often do our words. And words are like bullets. Once they're fired, you
can't get them back. You can’t stop the bullet. You can’t stop its impact.
You can’t stop its damage. You can’t dismiss the discharge.
And we all know that's true. Many of us still feel the sting of the names we were called a long
time ago? Even though the one who fired
them at us has probably totally forgotten it. In fact, some of us still replay those
words and it’s like an automatic weapon is
firing off rapid bullets into our soul,
self-esteem and self-worth: ‘Stupid; Idiot; Dummy; Ugly; Fat; Useless, Nappy-Head; Pimple-Face;
Loser; Fatso; Bean-Pole; Giraffe; Shrimp…’. All these years later,
those bullets still pierce our heart as though it were yesterday. And truth be told, some of those
bullets were fired off, just yesterday.
Some of them Towards Us, and some of
them From Us.
And sad as it is to say, it's often our children who are most damaged by our hurtful words, because children
tend to become what we call them. Label them as "lazy" or
"stupid" or "worthless" long enough, and it will stick. But
then, so will words like, "princess", “gentleman” or
"smart" or "helper" or "wonderful." Think about
it: If your child/children turned out to be what you’ve called them all these
years, would you be Elated or Embarrassed?
And to add insult to injury, our
kids also store what they hear their parents call each other in those heated
moments; giving them tacit permission to speak disrespectfully in their
own relationships, too. Your precious little girl and
priceless little boy won’t always be little,
but if you don’t teach them better by example, they will always be immature. You
don’t want your speech in heated moments to be the blueprint your children use
in building up or tearing down their own relationships and marriages. Just
think, what your son hears you call your wife will teach him what to call his
one day. What your daughter hears you call your husband will teach her what to
call hers one day. So, have they been hearing the right names called? Has your
speech been setting the proper example to be imitated?
But families are not the only place our words leave wounds. Proverbs 18:21 says, "The tongue has the power of life and death…",
at school, at
work, at the game, in church, in the mall, at the laundromat, in the
supermarket, at the barbershop, at the nail and hair salons, at the bank, stuck
in traffic, in all our close relationships. Everywhere you go, you are armed
and dangerous with the power of your tongue! So, is your weapon saving lives or
taking them? If people bled physically every time we wounded them verbally, I
wonder what a trail we'd leave behind. How many people are walking around
bleeding internally because of what we said verbally? Is someone now thinking
they’re worthless; damaged goods; not good enough; not thin enough; not pretty
enough. Is someone now feeling less than; insignificant; inadequate, because of
the wounds of our words? Is someone second-guessing themselves; intimidated;
insecure, because our words have wounded and handicapped their confidence?
And
just in case you don’t think our words are that powerful, listen to the translations of Proverbs 12:18:
“Sharp words cut like
a sword, but words of wisdom heal.” (CEV);
“Thoughtless words can
wound as deeply as any sword, but wisely spoken words can heal.” (GNT);
“Speak without
thinking, and your words can cut like a knife. Be wise, and your words can
heal.” (ERV);
“Careless words stab
like a sword, but the words of wise people bring healing.” (GWT);
“Some people like to
make cutting remarks, but the words of the wise soothe and heal.” (TLB);
“Rash language cuts
and maims, but there is healing in the words of the wise.” (MSG);
“The words of the
reckless pierce like swords, but the tongue of the wise brings healing.” (NIV);
“There is one whose
foolish words cut like a sword, but the tongue of the wise brings healing.”
(NLV)
The one thing we cannot
deny is the fact that whether our words hurt or heal is our deliberate choice. We can blame no
one for the words we choose to use to wound others. And we cannot use the
excuse that they brought it out of us; they deserved it; they’ll get over it;
or but what about what they said to me. No, we are responsible and accountable
for our own actions, words, attitude and behavior. We don’t get to point fingers or play the blame game. When our words, “cut; stab and maim”, it
was no accident. Their
wounds from our words are our fault. Which
is why we have to be ever so careful of our speech. The Scripture clearly contrasts the speech of
the Wise and
the Fool. The wise give words that “soothe and bring
healing”; the fool speaks words that “cut like a sword.” So have your words
been wise or foolish? Have your words been hurting or healing?
God puts it this way, "And among all the parts of the body, the tongue is a flame
of fire. It is a whole world of wickedness, corrupting your entire body. It can
set your whole life on fire, for it is set on fire by hell itself" (James
3:6 NLT). The Message Bible says it like this: “It only takes a spark, remember, to set off a
forest fire. A careless or wrongly placed word out of your mouth can do that.
By our speech we can ruin the world, turn harmony to chaos, throw mud on a
reputation, send the whole world up in smoke and go up in smoke with it, smoke
right from the pit of hell.” (MSG)
Now, do you really
think we can afford to take our speech so lightly? Our tongue is set on fire
from the pit of hell and possesses the power to destroy our entire life and the
entire world! Getting a better grip on our lip is vital not optional!
Which is why we need to learn how
to use our ears more than our mouths: “Understand this, my beloved brothers and sisters. Let
everyone be quick to hear [be a careful, thoughtful listener], slow to speak [a
speaker of carefully chosen words and], slow to anger [patient, reflective,
forgiving]” (James 1:19 AMP) The Message
Bible says it like this: “Post this at all the intersections, dear friends: Lead with your ears,
follow up with your tongue, and let anger straggle along in the rear…”
(MSG). And if you think about it, if we would listen more and talk less,
anger would always straggle behind. The word “straggle” is defined as “to trail slowly
behind.” If we would be quick to listen and slow to speak, our anger
would control its own gauge.
Which reminds me of yet another Scripture we need to keep on our
lips BEFORE we speak:
Ephesians 4:26-32, “Be angry [at sin—at immorality, at injustice, at ungodly behavior], yet do not sin; do not let your anger [cause you shame, nor allow it to] last until
the sun goes down. And do not give the
devil an opportunity [to lead you into sin by holding a grudge, or nurturing
anger, or harboring resentment, or cultivating bitterness]…Do not let
unwholesome [foul, profane, worthless, vulgar] words ever come out of your
mouth, but only such speech as
is good for building up others, according to the need and the occasion, so that it will be a blessing to those who
hear [you speak]. And do not grieve
the Holy Spirit of God [but seek to please Him], by whom you were sealed and marked [branded as God’s own] for
the day of redemption [the final deliverance from the consequences of sin].
Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and
clamor [perpetual animosity, resentment, strife, fault-finding] and slander be
put away from you, along with every kind of malice [all spitefulness, verbal
abuse, malevolence]. Be kind and helpful to one another,
tender-hearted [compassionate, understanding], forgiving one another [readily
and freely], just as God in Christ also forgave you.” (AMP)
Even when you’re angry
for justifiable reasons, your anger and words are still your responsibility. There is no
excuse you can use for wounding others with your words, not even when angry. Especially when we, believers, possess the fruit of the Spirit: Galatians 5:22-23, "But
the fruit of the [Holy] Spirit [the work which His presence within
accomplishes] is love, joy (gladness), peace, patience (an even temper,
forbearance), kindness, goodness (benevolence), faithfulness, Gentleness (meekness, humility), SELF-CONTROL (SELF-RESTRAINT, CONTINENCE). Against such things there is no law [that can bring a charge]." (AMPC) So just in case reading this brings some
conviction, call those people who come to mind, immediately, and apologize and
repent. Remember, they were not the cause of your carelessness, You are
responsible for You, no matter what anyone else says or does.
Furthermore, we need to be clear about verbal abuse. It’s not just
calling people names or cursing people out. But we are commanded not to use any
“unwholesome”
speech. “Unwholesome”
is defined as “unhealthy; corrupt;
offensive; not mentally or morally good and normal.” Our words
should be used with wisdom so we don’t wound, but instead we help make healthy
and whole.
We are Commanded not to use any “profane” speech. “Profane” is defined as, “to treat
(something sacred) with abuse, irreverence, or contempt; to cheapen and demean.”
And our “Brothers
and Sisters IN CHRIST” (says the Bible) are among what is, sacred…holy…valued at the price of the Blood of
Jesus Christ. When you speak to them words that wound, you are wounding Him all
over again! You cheapen and demean what He gave His blood and life for! Do you really
want to be charged as guilty for that crime?
We are Commanded to put
“clamor”
away from us. “Clamor”
is defined as “noisy
shouting.” So before you attempt to argue about your argument, know that
you are to be quick to listen, slow to speak, slow to anger and no noisy
shouting allowed! We are to talk TO one another, not AT one another!
And those are just a few of the Commands we’re
given regarding our speech!
But, while we’re at it, we may as well
address a big one in the church regarding our speech and that’s Gossip!
What does the Bible say?
Exodus 23:1-3, “Don’t
pass on malicious gossip. “Don’t
link up with a wicked person and give corrupt testimony. Don’t go along with
the crowd in doing evil and don’t fudge your testimony in a case just to please
the crowd...” (MSG);
Leviticus 19:16,
“Don’t spread gossip and rumors…” (MSG);
Psalm 41:4-7, “…All
the while gathering gossip about me to entertain the street-corner crowd. These
‘friends’ who hate me whisper slanders all over town. They form committees to
plan misery for me.” (MSG);
Proverbs 4:23-27,
“Keep vigilant watch over your heart; that’s where life starts. Don’t talk out
of both sides of your mouth; avoid careless banter, white lies, and gossip.
Keep your eyes straight ahead; ignore all sideshow distractions. Watch your
step, and the road will stretch out smooth before you. Look neither right nor
left; leave evil in the dust.” (MSG);
Proverbs 16:28,
“Troublemakers start fights; gossips break up friendships.” (MSG);
Proverbs 17:4, “Evil
people relish malicious conversation; the ears of liars itch for dirty gossip.”
(MSG);
And that’s just a few
Scriptures! But these give us further motivation to be careful of our speech!
As Believers, whose Conduct should reflect the Image and Likeness of the
Godhead and Christ-Like Character, we need to avoid lies, rumors, gossip,
slander, back-biting, cursing, yelling, arguing and the like.
How can we
possibly win the world when we can’t even get along on the same team with our
brothers and sisters in Christ?! That’s a tremendous loss for all involved! Remember,
our Lifestyle and our Language go hand-in-hand!
Ephesians 5:3-4, “…Though
some tongues just love the taste of gossip,
those who follow Jesus have better uses for language than that. Don’t talk
dirty or silly. That kind of talk doesn’t fit our style. Thanksgiving is our
dialect.” (MSG)
King David was wise
enough to know that we can't conquer this verbal monster in us without some
supernatural intervention. And thus, his prayer that should probably be somewhere we can all
see and repeat daily says this:
Psalm 141, verse 3, "Set a guard over my mouth, Lord;
keep watch over the door of my lips." (NIV) Let’s look at this
further:
“Set a guard, O Lord,
over my mouth; keep watch over the door of my lips [to keep me from speaking
thoughtlessly].” (AMP);
“Help me to guard my
words whenever I say something.” (CEV);
“Lord, help me control
what I say. Don’t let me say anything bad.” (ERV);
“Help me, Lord, to
keep my mouth shut and my lips sealed.” (TLB);
“Lord, help me control
my tongue; help me to be careful about what I say.” (NCV);
“Take control of what
I say, O Lord, and guard my lips.” (NLT);
“Lord, place a guard
at my mouth, a sentry at the door of my lips.” (GNT) – That word “sentry” is defined as “a soldier
stationed to keep guard or to control access to a place.” This is how
serious David was about the guarding of his speech! And a reminder of how
serious we should become likewise.
We need to be mindful
of the power of our words and their ability to wound. Because long after we've
forgotten our "reckless words," the person we wounded may
be carrying a long and lasting scar from them.
Think about it like this: when a drunk driver hits someone, they
may be sorry, apologetic, and wish they could undue it all. And they may even
be forgiven by the person they’ve wounded. But what happens when the person
they hit can never walk again? The driver is sorry, the victim is forgiving, but the life-long damage can’t
be undone! And our words are just like that. We may be sorry for what we said,
and the person may forgive us for what we said, but does that mean the words
disappear…sadly no. Which is why we
have to be careful of what we say, BEFORE we say it.
Truth is, there are
many psychologists, psychiatrists and even pastors that would have no one to
counsel if only we would simply stop speaking careless words. Many people today
are sitting in someone’s office reliving at age 60 what was said to them and
about them at age 6! And if we had to foot the bill for some people’s
counseling sessions for what we’ve said to them and about them, I wonder how
much debt we’d owe?
The good news? We can still name call! God does! And all we have to do
is name call, Just Like Him! God calls people names like, "Workmanship"
(Ephesians 2:10).
He even talks about the way people look, and He’s no respecter of persons
because He talks about men and women alike, "Created in Our Image and Likeness…He Created
Him; Male and Female He Created Them" (Genesis 1:27). God even assigns
worth to people, "My Treasured and Special People and Possession"
(Exodus 19:5).
He even talks about people’s bodies (a
lot like we do), but His words aren’t ‘cutting’,
they’re ‘complimentary’, "The Temple of the Living
God" (2 Corinthians 6:16). And then He even goes so far
as to call people, "My Sons and Daughters" (2 Corinthians 6:18). See, we can talk
about people too, we just have to do it like God did!
So today, make it your
personal mission to speak well of yourself and others. Because truth is, some
of us have spoken words to ourselves that have wounded us for many years. Let
today be the day your speech changes for the better. When speaking to yourself or to
others follow the guidelines of Colossians 4:6, “When you talk, you should always be kind
and wise…” (ERV)
Other translations say it like this:
“Everything you say
should be kind and well thought out…” (GWT);
“…The goal is to bring
out the best in others in a conversation…” (MSG);
“Let your conversation
be always full of grace, seasoned with salt…” (NIV);
“Speak with them in
such a way they will want to listen to you. Do not let your talk sound
foolish…” (NLV);
“Let your conversation
be gracious and attractive…” (NLT)
People of God, don’t
wound (yourself or others) with your words! Instead, allow your words (to
yourself and others) to be kind; wise; well thought out; bringing out the best
in any conversation; full of grace and seasoned with salt. Allow your words to
be so sweet and sound that people want to hear you speak; and allow your words
to also be more gracious than your gait and more attractive than you’re
appearance.
And if you should ever
be accused of verbal abuse, make sure that the evidence of your lifestyle and
language, are so concrete, that you’d be found innocent of all charges!
“Verbal and emotional abuse are just as
damaging as physical abuse.” (Author Unknown);
“It’s easier to build up a child than to
repair an adult. Your words and actions have power in your child’s life, use
them wisely.”;
“Psychological abuse is far worse than
physical abuse, after all, cuts and bruises can heal, your mind however holds
words for an eternity and they hurt more than any punch or slap, choose your words
wisely before you speak, they cannot be taken back once spoken.”;
“If words are not weapons, then why do they
hurt so much.”;
“Be careful what you say. You can say
something hurtful in ten seconds, but ten years later, the wounds are still
there.” (Joel Osteen);
“Just because a person doesn’t put hands on
you, that doesn’t mean they aren’t abusive. Abuse is control, blatant
disrespect, and also hurtful words. Don’t settle for emotional abuse thinking
it’s ok because it’s not physical.” (Tony Gaskins, Jr.)
Much Love, Dr.Shermaine #InformativeRead #PleaseShare #HealthyBodySoulAndSpirit
"It's Not Selfish to Love Yourself, Take Care of Yourself and to Make Your Happiness a Priority. It's a Necessity." (Mandy Hale)
"Self-Care is Not Selfish. You Cannot Serve From an Empty Vessel." (Eleanor Brown)
