“Healing Foods”

 

EAT, DRINK, AND BE HEALTHY: Healthy food is the medicine we give our bodies every day. It can’t cure what ails you, but certain foods have the power to soothe symptoms and give your body a boost when you have specific illnesses or injuries. Help yourself to these healing foods. 

CHICKEN PHO: This Vietnamese soup packs more healing power than old-fashioned chicken and noodles when it comes to colds. Chicken pho (pronounced “fuh”) also packs the anti-viral power of star anise and the anti-inflammatory properties of cardamom and cinnamon. It has antioxidants in the form of goji berries and coriander seeds. Jalapenos bring calcium and vitamins A and C -- along with some nose-clearing spice. 

SARDINES: Sardines may not be the sexiest fish at the supermarket, but their little bones may help your broken bones heal faster. Usually packed into small tins with water, olive oil, or tomato juice, these tiny fish are full of calcium and vitamin D. They also have more bone-strengthening omega-3 fatty acids than most other fish. Bonus: Sardines are caught wild and young, which means their mercury levels are low. 

UNRIPE BANANAS: Green bananas have a secret superpower: They’re great for diarrhea. They contain resistant starch, which means it doesn’t let your small intestine absorb it quickly. Instead, it feeds good bacteria in your digestive tract and tells the bad bacteria to get out. Bananas are also full of electrolytes like potassium, which can help you replace what you’ve lost. 

HONEY: Skip the honey-flavored lozenges and treat your cough with the real thing. Honey lessens inflammation, soothes pain, and kills bacteria. It’s also full of antibodies that fight viral infections. It’s packed with vitamins like niacin and vitamin C, and minerals like calcium and iron, for a healthy boost of energy. Add 2 tablespoons to warm water or tea for a natural cough suppressant with big benefits. 

KIMCHI: This traditional Korean dish may end your gas and bloating. It’s a spicy mix of vegetables like napa cabbage and radishes that are fermented or preserved with natural good bacteria. When you eat it, it loads your gut with good bacteria, also called probiotics, and moves out bad bacteria that can cause belly distress. Some kinds of sauerkraut and pickles have the same effect: Look for the words “naturally fermented” on the label. 

HORSERADISH: This cousin of mustard, onion, and garlic is anything but subtle. When you grate horseradish, it crushes the cells of the root. This releases the oils that bring out its signature heat. Even a small dab can make your eyes water and nose run. That’s great news if you have sinus or nasal issues: Horseradish moves out mucus that attracts bacteria if it stays in your system too long. Same for the green mound of wasabi that comes with sushi. 

COFFEE: When you have a headache, the blood vessels that feed your brain get tight, then enlarge and press against your nerves. That’s what causes the throb in your head. The caffeine in coffee, black tea, and chocolate causes your blood vessels to go back down in size. Don’t take this as permission to guzzle down cup after cup: You can also get a withdrawal headache after you have too much caffeine. 

KALE: Small scrape? Knife cut? Start healing yourself with kale or other dark, leafy greens like spinach, broccoli, and collard and turnip greens. They have high amounts of the essential nutrient vitamin K, which helps your blood cells group up and clot. Not only does this stop you from losing more blood; it also protects your wound. K also helps your body build healthy bone tissue. 

GINGER: Whether you love or hate the spicy bite of ginger, it’s great for your stomach. The root of the ginger plant has compounds called gingerols. They block the receptors in your digestive tract that cause nausea. Use it to treat morning sickness, motion sickness, and post-surgery or chemotherapy-related stomach issues. Ginger comes in many forms, including candied, dried, fresh, pickled, powdered, and ground. 

HERBAL TEA: Soothe your sore throat with a warm cup of herbal tea. If your throat hurts, peppermint tea has natural numbing qualities. Clove and green tea fight bacteria. Raspberry-flavored tea reduces inflammation. Chamomile will lubricate your throat: Drink it if you’re hoarse. Whatever you choose, make sure it’s decaf so you’re able to rest and sleep. 

APPLES: You know what they say about apples -- and with good reason. Apples have high amounts of pectin, a soluble fiber in the walls of its cells. If you’re constipated, it gets your bowels moving. And if you have diarrhea, it reduces inflammation and helps firm up your bowel movements. To get the most fiber, leave the skin on. Other naturally high-fiber foods include raspberries, cooked artichokes, and Brussels sprouts.  

Reviewed by Christine Mikstas, RD, LD on March 18, 2020, WebMD

SOURCES:

University of Iowa Hospitals & Clinics: “Warfarin, your diet, and vitamin K foods.”

National Institutes of Health, Office of Dietary Supplements: “Vitamin K.”

Johns Hopkins Medicine: “How Wounds Heal.”

Harvard T.H. Chan School of Public Health: “Vitamin K,” “Bananas.” 

UCCE Master Food Preservers of Amador/Calaveras County: “Fermentation Kimchi, Kombucha, Kefir.”

Michigan State University, MSU Extension: “Interested in making your own home-fermented foods?” “Benefits of honey.”

Harvard Health Publishing, Harvard Medical School: “Fermented foods can add depth to your diet,” “Hot stuff has the right stuff,” “Natural ways to relieve constipation.”

Mayo Clinic: “Belching, gas and bloating: Tips for reducing them.”

UCLA History & Special Collections, Louise M. Darling Biomedical Library: “Horseradish.”

Penn State Extension: “Growing Horseradish.”

Sutter Health: “The Health Benefits of Goji Berries.”

University Health News: “7 Surprising Coriander Health Benefits: From Fighting Cholesterol to Treating Diabetes and More.”

University of Maryland Graduate School: “Health Benefits of Cinnamon.”

U.S. National Library of Medicine, National Institutes of Health: “The effect of cardamom supplementation on serum lipids, glycemic indices and blood pressure in overweight and obese pre-diabetic women: a randomized controlled trial,” “The Effectiveness of Ginger in the Prevention of Nausea and Vomiting during Pregnancy and Chemotherapy,” “Honey and Health: A Review of Recent Clinical Research.”

Wiley Online Library: “Star anise (Illicium verum): Chemical compounds, antiviral properties, and clinical relevance.”

Penn Medicine: “6 At-Home Remedies to Ease Your Sore Throat.”

Columbia University Department of Neurology: “Pulling Ahead of Headaches.”

National Headache Foundation: “Does Caffeine Trigger or Treat Headaches?”

University of Rochester Medical Center: “Ginger.”

Bastyr University: “Ginger: Boundless Culinary and Medicinal Applications,” “4 Reasons Sardines are Great -- and 2 Recipes to Convince You.” 

Cleveland Clinic: “3 of the Healthiest (and Worst) Fish, According to Our Dieticians.”

Molecules: “Pectin and Pectin-Based Composite Materials: Beyond Food Texture.”

Much Love, Dr.Shermaine, #InformativeRead #PleaseShare #HealthyBodySoulAndSpirit #IWantYou2LiveWell #FeelFree2SignUpAndFollow

The Goal is to Always Make You Aware of What Concerns Your Body, Soul and Spirit, So You Can Have Open, Honest and Frequent Discussions With Your Physicians and Counselors. You Can’t Treat or Cure What You Don’t Know is Sick.
 
"It's Not Selfish to Love Yourself, Take Care of Yourself and to Make Your Happiness a Priority. It's a Necessity." (Mandy Hale)

"Self-Care is Not Selfish. You Cannot Serve From an Empty Vessel." (Eleanor Brown)

The contents of the WebMD and Self-Care With Dr. Shermaine Sites, such as text, graphics, images, and other material contained on the WebMD and Self-Care With Dr. Shermaine Sites ("Content") are for informational purposes only. The Content is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health provider with any questions you may have regarding a medical condition. Never disregard professional medical advice or delay in seeking it because of something you have read on the WebMD and Self-Care With Dr. Shermaine Sites!

If you think you may have a medical emergency, call your doctor or 911 immediately. WebMD and Self-Care With Dr. Shermaine does not recommend or endorse any specific tests, physicians, products, procedures, opinions, or other information that may be mentioned on the Sites. Reliance on any information provided by WebMD, WebMD employees, others appearing on the Site at the invitation of WebMD, and Self-Care With Dr. Shermaine or other visitors to the Sites is solely at your own risk.  

“What’s Really in Your Fast Food?”

 

FRENCH FRIES: The humble potato, fried in a vat of simmering oil, and finished with a sprinkling of salt. What could be simpler? Apparently, quite a lot. Fast-food fries often have more than 15 ingredients, including sugar and artificial coloring. They also have preservatives like sodium acid pyrophosphate and tert-butylhydroquinone, which in high doses has been linked to vision problems. 

HAMBURGERS: Ground beef, right? Sure -- but there also may be growth hormones and antibiotics, which can end up in your system. And in one study, some burgers had over 100 calories more per serving than the fast-food places said they did. 

SODA: It’s the same soda you buy at the grocery store. But when you get it at a fast-food chain, you get more calories because the drink sizes are so large. And we’re not talking “supersize.” A large soda at a typical fast-food place is about 32 ounces and has about 270 calories. Studies show that if you order it, you’ll drink it. 

BREAKFAST SANDWICH: Some of the ingredients listed for what one national outlet calls a “fried egg” include modified corn starch, soybean oil, medium chain triglycerides, propylene glycol, artificial flavor, citric acid, xanthan gum, and -- oh yeah -- egg whites and yolks (listed separately). If you didn’t bargain for all of that, ask for the propylene glycol (also used in fog machines and to make polyester) on the side. 

HOT DOG: What’s in them? Let’s just say they make full use of the animals that supply the meat. They’re also loaded with salt and saturated fat (which most Americans get too much of) and with nitrates, a preservative linked to diabetes and cancer. 

CHICKEN NUGGETS: A piece of chicken breast battered and fried to golden perfection? Not exactly. There’s meat in there, but there are also bones, blood vessels, nerves, connective tissue, and skin. And they have loads of salt and fat, which are linked to obesity, diabetes, and heart disease. 

STRAWBERRY MILKSHAKE: Besides milk and sugar, one leading fast-food outlet also adds high-fructose corn syrup, preservatives like sodium benzoate, and artificial flavors and colors to this drinkable dessert. One thing that appears to be missing: actual strawberries. 

SAUCES: The first ingredient listed for almost any sauce served at a fast-food restaurant is sugar. It may be called sucrose, dextrose, maltose, rice syrup, barley malt, high-fructose corn syrup, or any number of other things, but the end result is the same: quick delivery of lots of calories with almost zero nutritional value. 

Medically Reviewed by Christine Mikstas, RD, LD on September 04, 2020, WebMD

SOURCES:

American Journal of Medicine: “The Autopsy of Chicken Nuggets Reads ‘Chicken Little.’”

Consumers Union: “Which fast food chains serve meat on drugs?”

National Institutes of Health: “Toxicology of tert-butylhydroquinone (TBHQ),” “tert-Butylhydroquinone (tBHQ) protects hepatocytes against lipotoxicity via inducing autophagy independently of Nrf2 activation,” ”Cytotoxicity and DNA damage properties of tert-butylhydroquinone (TBHQ) food additive,” “Risk Assessment of Growth Hormones and Antimicrobial Residues in Meat,” “A review of potential metabolic etiologies of the observed association between red meat consumption and development of type 2 diabetes mellitus,” “Total N-nitroso compounds and their precursors in hot dogs and in the gastrointestinal tract and feces of rats and mice: possible etiologic agents for colon cancer,” “Small, medium, large or supersize? The development and evaluation of interventions targeted at portion size,” “What is the role of portion control in weight management?”

Sugar Science: “Hidden in Plain Sight.”

Much Love, Dr.Shermaine, #InformativeRead #PleaseShare #HealthyBodySoulAndSpirit #IWantYou2LiveWell #FeelFree2SignUpAndFollow

The Goal is to Always Make You Aware of What Concerns Your Body, Soul and Spirit, So You Can Have Open, Honest and Frequent Discussions With Your Physicians and Counselors. You Can’t Treat or Cure What You Don’t Know is Sick.
 
"It's Not Selfish to Love Yourself, Take Care of Yourself and to Make Your Happiness a Priority. It's a Necessity." (Mandy Hale)

"Self-Care is Not Selfish. You Cannot Serve From an Empty Vessel." (Eleanor Brown)

The contents of the WebMD and Self-Care With Dr. Shermaine Sites, such as text, graphics, images, and other material contained on the WebMD and Self-Care With Dr. Shermaine Sites ("Content") are for informational purposes only. The Content is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health provider with any questions you may have regarding a medical condition. Never disregard professional medical advice or delay in seeking it because of something you have read on the WebMD and Self-Care With Dr. Shermaine Sites!

If you think you may have a medical emergency, call your doctor or 911 immediately. WebMD and Self-Care With Dr. Shermaine does not recommend or endorse any specific tests, physicians, products, procedures, opinions, or other information that may be mentioned on the Sites. Reliance on any information provided by WebMD, WebMD employees, others appearing on the Site at the invitation of WebMD, and Self-Care With Dr. Shermaine or other visitors to the Sites is solely at your own risk.

“EATING HABITS AGING YOUR BODY BY A DECADE”

 

Changing these daily food habits will make a lasting impact on your health.

 

Did you know that what you eat, and drink can take away years from your life? In fact, certain types of foods can actually increase the speed at which your cells age, while others have powerful antioxidants that can help slow the process of aging down. Not only does food play an important role in the aging process, but research within the last few years has also shown that your gut microbiome is crucial for strengthening your immune system as you age, helping to prevent age-related diseases. But how can you know which foods to eat and which ones to avoid as you grow older? To find out, we talked with a few expert dietitians to get their advice on certain eating habits that will most certainly speed up the aging process. 

 

EATING PROCESSED FOODS: Eating too much processed food is one of the most common, yet harmful, eating habits that will speed up your aging process. This is mainly because these types of foods, which are usually high in refined carbs, added sugar, and dangerous fats, are known to contain AGEs (advanced glycation end-products). According to Trista Best, MPH, RD, LD, a registered dietitian at Balance One Supplements, AGEs are formed when sugar is combined with fat or protein, and they can greatly speed up the aging process as well as harm your gut health. More specifically, AGEs have been found to age your skin as well as contribute to an increased risk of age-related illness such as Alzheimer’s disease.

 

NOT EATING ENOUGH FIBER: Another important component of healthy aging is including enough fiber in your daily diet, which can come from foods like oats, beans, apples, pears, almonds, and seeds. Your daily fiber intake is crucial because not only does it keep your digestion healthy, but it's also been proven to help lower cholesterol, manage weight, and even help to prevent diabetes and cardiovascular disease. As you can see, without enough fiber, your body will age far more quickly. "Research has long shown that habitually eating a low-fiber diet increases the risk of developing heart disease and diabetes, both of which are conditions that accelerate aging," says registered dietitian in private practice, Kylie Ivanir, RD. To increase your fiber intake, try eating oatmeal for breakfast, or adding beans to your lunch. You can also talk with your doctor about incorporating a fiber supplement into your daily routine.

 

EATING TOO MUCH ADDED SUGAR: Consuming too much added sugar not only ages you by increasing your risk of certain diseases, but it is also linked to poor skin health as well. "High-sugar diets can cause spikes in blood sugar and lead to insulin resistance, which has been linked to diabetes, heart disease, and stroke," says Janet Coleman, RD a registered dietitian with The Consumer Mag, "and the natural process of glycation breaks down collagen in your skin and makes your complexion duller as well." One study from The American Journal of Clinical Nutrition found that consuming added sugar in processed foods was associated with increased "frailty" in older populations, meaning less physical activity and unwanted weight loss.

 

NOT INCLUDING PREBIOTICS: Maintaining a healthy gut is one of the best ways to help slow the aging process, so incorporating prebiotic-rich foods on a daily basis can help. "Prebiotics are the fuel for the beneficial bacteria within our gut, so when we eat prebiotic-rich foods daily, we are improving our gut health. This is important because good gut health is linked to a stronger immune response, which will decrease the likelihood of succumbing to illness; reduced inflammation, which can prevent aches and pains; and a supported mood, which can prevent anxiety and depression," says Kara Landau, RD a registered dietitian and founder at Uplift Food. Thankfully, you have plenty of prebiotic foods to choose from, so you'll be able to find the ones that you actually love to eat. Some prebiotic-rich foods include oats, beans, legumes, spinach, blueberries, asparagus, apples, or garlic. 

BY samantha boesch, eat this not that,FEBRUARY 9, 2022, FACT CHECKED BY olivia tarantino 

Much Love, Dr.Shermaine, #InformativeRead #PleaseShare #HealthyBodySoulAndSpirit #IWantYou2LiveWell #FeelFree2SignUpAndFollow

The Goal is to Always Make You Aware of What Concerns Your Body, Soul and Spirit, So You Can Have Open, Honest and Frequent Discussions With Your Physicians and Counselors. You Can’t Treat or Cure What You Don’t Know is Sick.
 
"It's Not Selfish to Love Yourself, Take Care of Yourself and to Make Your Happiness a Priority. It's a Necessity." (Mandy Hale)

"Self-Care is Not Selfish. You Cannot Serve From an Empty Vessel." (Eleanor Brown)

The contents of the Eat This, Not That and Self-Care With Dr. Shermaine Sites, such as text, graphics, images, and other material contained on the Eat This, Not That and Self-Care With Dr. Shermaine Sites ("Content") are for informational purposes only. The Content is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health provider with any questions you may have regarding a medical condition. Never disregard professional medical advice or delay in seeking it because of something you have read on the Eat This, Not That and Self-Care With Dr. Shermaine Sites!

If you think you may have a medical emergency, call your doctor or 911 immediately. Eat This, Not That and Self-Care With Dr. Shermaine does not recommend or endorse any specific tests, physicians, products, procedures, opinions, or other information that may be mentioned on the Sites. Reliance on any information provided by Eat This, Not That, Eat This, Not That employees, others appearing on the Site at the invitation of Eat This, Not That, and Self-Care With Dr. Shermaine or other visitors to the Sites is solely at your own risk.  

“The 50 Best Marriage Tips From Couples Who've Been Married for 50+ Years!”

 

THIS RELATIONSHIP ADVICE IS THE KEY TO MAKING IT THROUGH ANYTHING.

When you first walk down the aisle, tons of people give you marriage tips like "never go to bed angry" and "remember that you're on the same team." Of course, during the honeymoon stage, that advice for a long, successful marriage doesn't seem very pressing. But with the rising number of couples over 50 calling it quits—these "gray divorces" now account for 25 percent of splits—it seems harder than ever to make a marriage really last until death do you part. So, what do those couples who do manage to make their unions last for decades know about love that the rest of us don't? From the small gestures that keep the romance alive to tips on overcoming the challenges most couples face, we've gathered the best marriage tips from those who've stuck it out for half a century. These are the keys to marital success.

 

1 LET YOUR PARTNER KNOW YOU'RE THINKING ABOUT THEM THROUGHOUT THE DAY: If you want your partner to feel both desirable and desired, make sure you're letting them know just how often they're on your mind. "Let your partner know you are thinking about them and putting them first in your mind," suggests Beverly B. Palmer, PhD, a professor of psychology, clinical psychologist, and author who has been married for 50 years.

2 AND LET THEM EXPRESS THEIR FEELINGS FIRST: Instead of always letting your partner know exactly how you're feeling first, make space for them to express themselves before you start sharing. "Understand your partner's point of view and let your partner know that," says Palmer. "After that, you can express yours."

3 ACCEPT YOUR PARTNER FOR WHO THEY ARE: Houses are fixer-uppers, but viewing your spouse that way is a recipe for disaster. "Accept your partner just for who they are. Don't try to change them," Palmer recommends. After all, people can only change if they want to. "Just accept their strengths and weaknesses that make them unique and that you love them for that."

4 IMAGINE WHAT YOUR LIFE WOULD REALLY BE LIKE WITHOUT THEM: Just because your relationship gets rocky from time to time doesn't mean you and your spouse aren't a good match—just try imagining life without them and you'll realize how important they are to you. "Sometimes, when I have a couple in counseling who are either antagonistic toward one another or apathetic, I tell them: 'Think about that you may not have tomorrow with the one you love,'" says Palmer. "'What would you wish you had said or done today that would have made a difference?'"

5 LEARN HOW TO COMPROMISE: Listen, all couples fight. But half the battle of marriage is knowing which fights to pick and which ones you should meet your spouse on halfway. "We compromise," says Anna Pallante, who has been married to her husband Aniello for 58 years. "When you love each other, you commit to make the bumpy road of life smoother together. When you do that each day, you put the love and each other first, instead of yourself. That keeps things peaceful."

6 BE PHYSICALLY AFFECTIONATE WITH ONE ANOTHER: Making your spouse feel loved sometimes means more than just listening to their wants and needs—physical affection is important, too. "A hug and a kiss go a long way," says artist Sheila Rechtshaffer, who has been married to her husband, Bert, for 56 years.

7 END THE NIGHT ON A POSITIVE NOTE: Before you turn in for the evening, make sure you and your spouse are on the same page about the disagreements you had earlier in the day. "Don't go to bed angry," says Bert.

8 ENJOY ONE ANOTHER'S COMPANY: With work, social commitments, and other family members competing for your time, it may be difficult to allocate one-on-one time with your spouse. But making a point to do so—and enjoying it—can make your relationship stronger in the long run. "One of the very most important things is enjoying doing things together," says Tom Wilbur, who has been married for 49 years.

9 MAINTAIN THE FRIENDSHIP IN YOUR RELATIONSHIP: As your relationship progresses, don't forget to maintain your friendship along with the romantic side of your relationship. "We have always been able to spend a great deal of time together and a true friendship was easily formed," says Barbara Adoff, who has been married to her husband Bill for 47 years. "Best friends are there for each other, support each other, and like to have fun together. I often tell my hubby I feel like we're having one very long sleepover."

10 LIVE IN THE MOMENT: Turning otherwise boring activities into small romantic opportunities can keep the passion alive, no matter how long you've been together. "Simply stopping at Wawa for a coffee on our way to run errands makes it special," says Barbara. "We often take time to make things fun or enjoy the moment. If a good song comes on at home we'll stop and dance, we go to the movies and for walks."

11 DECOMPRESS TOGETHER: Self-care is important—and performing those restorative acts with your partner can often make your relationship stronger along the way. "We manage to get into our hot tub most days and this relaxing down time is a treat," says Barbara. "Treats are being good to yourself and to each other."

12 MAKE EVERYTHING A DATE: Want to keep your marriage strong? Take any opportunity to spend time together. "Just going to the grocery store together should be treated like a date," says Barbara's husband, Bill.

13 MAKE SURE YOU HAVE THE SAME FINANCIAL PRIORITIES: While savers and spenders can happily coexist, it's important to see eye-to-eye on your longer-term financial goals to keep your marriage on steady footing. "The biggest problem long-term couples have is finances," says Bill. "Get on the same page right away. Don't let money get in the way."

14 HAVE A SENSE OF HUMOR ABOUT YOURSELF AND YOUR RELATIONSHIP: Sometimes, things don't work out the way you'd planned. Instead of picking a fight with your spouse or getting down, try having a good laugh about things. "Laugh at yourself and at each other," suggests Barbara. "Laugh with each other. Humor is the way to enjoy a marriage and to raise children."

15 DON'T BE AFRAID TO GIVE EACH OTHER SPACE: Space doesn't have to be a bad thing. Just because you want to spend time away from your partner doesn't mean you love or cherish them any less. "I credit still being married to living in a big house," Maureen McEwan, who's been married to her husband Tom for more than 50 years, told Good Housekeeping. "I need space. I need to know that I can be by myself and [have room to be] artistic."

16 KNOW THAT THE GRASS IS NOT ALWAYS GREENER: Many people end up unhappy in their marriage because they wonder, "What if there's someone better out there for me?" or "What if this is not the right path for me?" But most of the time, the answers to those questions are: "There isn't" and "It is." "My grandkids won't settle down because they think the grass is greener," Sheldon Y., who's been married for 50 years, told Elite Daily. "I met my wife and asked her to marry me three days later. When you know someone is right for you, settle down with them and don't let them go. The grass is never greener than love you foster over many years."

17 DON'T BE AFRAID TO SEEK PROFESSIONAL HELP: Seeking outside help is still a bit taboo in some circles where people assume marriage counseling insinuates their relationship is weak. However, it's actually quite the opposite. "I'm not Cinderella, and he's not Prince Charming," Sherri Sugarman, who's been married to her husband Charlie for more than 50 years, told Good Housekeeping. "Glitches along the way are normal because it's hard to live together all these years. We went to a marriage counselor at one point because we were going in different directions and needed professional help. You always have to keep working on the relationship."

18 REALIZE THAT YOU WILL FIGHT: Sometimes, people have an idolized view of marriage and think that one fight means the end is near. But the truth is, all couples fight—even the happy ones. "It's not all been easy years. Young people will say, 'Oh you almost never fight.' We say, 'No, au contraire, we fight all the time,'" Jim Owen, who's been married to his wife Stanya for 50 years, told Fatherly. "You can [keep your marriage alive], but it takes a lot of work. It's not just something that you can ho-him through life."

19 DON'T ALWAYS LIVE IN THE FUTURE: While it can be nice to envision your future with someone, if you're always focused on what's to come, you won't actually be appreciating your partner in the now—which leads to problems in the future. "I'm always surprised that young people who date for two weeks say, 'I think I finally met the one that I want to spend my life with!' It's almost like they visualize the next 5, 10, or 20 years. I don't think we've ever done that," Owen told Fatherly. "We don't live in the future. We don't think, 'It's going to be so much better once this or that event happens.'"

 

20 KNOW THAT NO MARRIAGE IS PERFECT: Basing your marriage off the marriage of anyone else can be a recipe for disaster. The only people you need to prove your marriage to are you and your partner, not the world. "I think one of the issues that young people face is that they look at social media, they listen to celebrity stuff, and they think that somewhere out there is a possibility of marriage made in heaven, where there are no issues. Like some people have the perfect marriage. And that's simply not true. Every family has issues," Owen explained to Fatherly.

 

21 ALWAYS KISS EACH OTHER GOODNIGHT: The world is full of surprises, and not all of them good, so make the most of every moment with your partner—especially at the end of the day. "Always kiss each other goodnight because you never know what tomorrow may bring," Joyce Smith Speares, who's been married to Benny DeWitt for more than 60 years, told Southern Living.

 

22 UNDERSTAND THAT PATIENCE IS A VIRTUE: It's true. If you hope for anything out of your spouse, hope for patience. "Patience has made our marriage resilient and has been one of the most important reasons that we are still living happily ever after, enjoying our golden years," Ann Yedowitz, who has been married to her husband Joe for more than 50 years, told Southern Living.

 

23 AND KNOW THAT YOU'RE A TEAM, NO MATTER WHAT: The secret to a happy, loving marriage? Knowing that you're in it together, as a team, no matter what either of you face individually. Once you're married, everything should be faced together. "I know Alan is there for me," Evelyn Brier told Good Housekeeping about her husband of more than 50 years. "I was sick with breast cancer [eight] years ago, and he was right there. It was important, and satisfying, to know that there's someone who genuinely cares about my wellbeing. That's what loves does."

24 FOCUS ON FRIENDSHIP, NOT JUST LUST: Being friends before you enter into a romantic relationship can help cement your bond decades down the line. "We were friends for several years before we started officially dating," explains Silvana Clark, an author and speaker who has been married for 42 years. "This gave us time to know each other and have a realistic understanding of our personalities, strengths, and weaknesses."

 

25 KEEP SAYING "YES" TO NEW EXPERIENCES: If you want your relationship to last, make "yes" a priority. "Marry someone who is fun to be with. Then throughout your marriage, say 'yes' to each other," suggests Clark. "'Yes, we can paint the dining room red if you want.' 'Yes, we can go to a musical, even though I don't like singing and tap dancing.' 'Yes, let's get a sheep to mow the yard because it takes too long to use a lawn mower.' We've found, by saying 'yes' to each other, our lives have been filled with new experiences and amazing times together."

 

26 DECIDE WHAT'S A DEALBREAKER BEFORE YOU TIE THE KNOT: Your spouse isn't likely to change just because you got married, so it's important to know what your dealbreakers are before you walk down the aisle. "Of course, we all have problems, but if you are thinking of marrying someone who drinks heavily when upset, is moody and has fits of rage, stay away!" says Clark. "Those traits won't disappear when you get married. Even marrying someone who is a homebody while you love to travel can be a factor in causing stress in a marriage."

 

27 REMINISCE ABOUT WHY YOU FIRST FELL IN LOVE: Your passion for one another may wax and wane over the years but remembering why you first fell in love can help pull you back in when you feel like you're drifting away from each other. "Keep close in your mind some poignant memories of the first rushes of love—when you knew that you never wanted to be far from this person, when your heart felt a physical jump at the sight of them," say Lewis and Marsha McGehee, who have been married for 44 years. "The daily obstacles will work out if the resolve to hold on to your love story is strong."

 

28 MAKE YOUR PARTNER FEEL WANTED: Knowing (and regularly hearing) that your spouse loves you is important, but knowing they want you can make your marriage last a lifetime. "Being attractive…means doing little things for each other and feeling needed and desired," says Lewis. "I want my spouse to want me."

 

29 MAINTAIN A LIFE OUTSIDE OF YOUR RELATIONSHIP: Codependence can quickly sour any relationship—and maintaining your personal interests outside the marriage might just be the key to enjoying a solid union. "I want my spouse to be engaged in a productive life and care about herself," says Lewis.

 

30 TAKE PRIDE IN YOUR APPEARANCE: "I think that maintaining physical attractiveness is also important," Lewis adds. "I don't mean just in a superficial way. Being attractive to your spouse means multiple things, like trying to stay in shape by working out. This has the added benefit of keeping one's mental attitude strong and positive."

 

31 DON'T LOOK FOR EXCUSES TO END THINGS: Throwing out the “D” word in arguments—or even thinking that this fight might be your last one—will inevitably cause tension in your marriage that you may be unable to fix. "Never go into an argument thinking that it could be the end of the relationship," the McGehees advise. "That means speaking your mind, but not saying or doing anything that is not recoverable. Healthy marriages are not always smooth but should always be respectful."

 

32 CELEBRATE ONE ANOTHER JUST BECAUSE: You shouldn't wait for holidays or anniversaries to celebrate all the wonderful things you love about your spouse. "I have always celebrated birthdays, anniversaries, and it simply being a Wednesday on what started as a crazy work week," says Carol Gee, author of Random Notes (About Life, "Stuff" And Finally Learning to Exhale), who has been married for 47 years. "Celebrate occasions, big and small. These celebrations don't have to be big deals—a cake and coffee to celebrate a birthday, or because it's Friday and you simply love being together."

 

33 KEEP YOUR SPOUSE GUESSING: Keeping your spouse on their toes can go a long way. "One day I asked my husband what he thought the secret to our marriage was," says Gee. "A quiet man of little words, he said, 'I never know what you are going to do from one minute to the next, and I find I like that.'"

 

34 MAKE INTIMACY A PRIORITY OUTSIDE THE BEDROOM: Having an amazing sex life can keep both partners interested but exploring intimacy outside the confines of the bedroom is equally important. "Intimacy is more than sex," says Gee. "It's holding hands, it's kissing each other good morning and goodbye. It's spending time together without outside distractions, cell phones, televisions, that sort of thing."

 

35 PERFORM SMALL GESTURES OF KINDNESS ON A REGULAR BASIS: Over time, many people get so used to their partners being around that they no longer feel the need to perform those little acts of kindness, like pulling out chairs, holding an umbrella for one another, or tackling a chore just so their significant other doesn't have to. "No matter how long we have been married, my husband holding doors open for me makes me feel special," says Gee.

 

36 HAVE A DAILY MEALTIME CHECK-IN: Sharing at least one daily device-free meal can make all the difference when it comes to the health of your relationship. "We have always tried to eat at least one meal together daily," says Gee. "As a working couple (before both retiring) with different work hours, it's typically dinner. Not only do we enjoy a meal together, but we also use this time to talk about our day."

 

37 AND MAKE DINNER AT HOME A SPECIAL OCCASION: Even if you're just heating up last night's leftovers, you can make meals with your spouse feel like a special occasion every night of the week. Light some candles, open a bottle of good wine, or put on a romantic playlist to set the mood. "Casseroles more often than not are served in our dining room on good china," says Gee.

 

38 KEEP THE ROMANCE ALIVE: Sweeping your significant other off their feet is something that can keep those fires lit even after you've been together for decades. "I plan trips where he only has to pack his bag," Gee says. "He, on the other hand, will surprise me by bringing home dinner, or buying the lottery scratch-offs that I adore, and hiding them where I can find them. The unusual locations—such as in the dishes in the cabinet or hidden in our bed—show the thought he puts in just because it tickles me when I find them."

 

39 LEARN WHAT YOU WANT IN BED—AND DON'T BE AFRAID TO TELL YOUR PARTNER: If you want to keep your relationship strong over the years, make sure you're letting your partner know what you want in the bedroom—especially if it's changed over time. "We have learned how to excite each other and how to please each other," says Beverly Solomon, a creative director who has been married for 44 years. "As your love grows, so does the quality of your sexual intimacy. As you age, you really appreciate the shared pleasures of true love."

40 SHOW GRATITUDE: Being thankful can help put things into perspective, keeping you and your spouse from spiraling into despair just because things aren't going the way you expected. "[We] give thanks every day for the blessings we have and for the blessings to come," says Solomon.

 

41 KEEP COMPANY WITH POSITIVE PEOPLE: Want to see your relationship through a rosier lens? Try spending time with friends who share your positive outlook on life. "We avoid negative people and negative situations," Solomon notes. "Being around negative people with negative outlooks can poison your life."

 

42 TAKE TIME TO COOL OFF IF THINGS ARE GETTING TOO HEATED: If you find yourself getting a little bit too passionate during an argument with your spouse, it's often better to back off for the time being and return to the discussion later when you're feeling calmer. "We have disagreements—as all couples do," says Solomon. But, she adds, "if one or both of us feels that we are too upset to discuss an issue in a sane and respectful way, we give ourselves some time to cool down."

 

43 AND DON'T LET YOUR ARGUMENTS SPILL OVER INTO OTHER RELATIONSHIPS: While venting to your friends about your spouse's seeming inability to pick up their socks may be cathartic, spilling the intimate details of what's going wrong in your marriage every time you and your partner disagree may do more harm than good. "We never badmouth each other to others," says Solomon.

 

44 LEARN TO TUNE OUT THE NOISE: Learning to not let others' opinions and advice infiltrate your marriage will keep you and your spouse in sync as time goes by. "When we were first married, there were many expectations placed on us by our parents," says Dana Kichen, a real estate agent who has been married for 42 years. "After four years of tug and pull, we moved out of state and learned to totally rely on each other. This has continued throughout our marriage."

 

45 SPEAK USING "I" STATEMENTS WHEN YOU ARGUE: Instead of enumerating the many ways your partner has upset you, present those issues from your perspective using "I" statements, like, "I feel hurt when you're on your phone when I'm talking to you." "This allows discussion without putting the other person on the defensive, and therefore avoids the escalation of an argument," explains Kichen.

 

46 LEARN TO REALLY APOLOGIZE: Apologizing to your partner is essential for keeping your marriage strong and healthy over the years—but that doesn't always mean concession after a big fight. "Saying 'I'm sorry' does not have to mean 'I was wrong,'" Kichen points out. "It can refer to being sorry for hurting feelings, shouting—anything. This allows you to put hurt feelings aside and go on without one person being right and the other wrong."

 

47 SAY NO TO DISTRACTIONS WHEN YOU'RE COMMUNICATING WITH ONE ANOTHER: When you're having heart-to-hearts with your spouse, it's important to make sure they're your number one priority—not what's on TV, not the laundry in the dryer, and not what's on your phone. "What makes our relationship work is trying not to multi-task when we are communicating with each other," says author Bracha Goetz, who has been married for 40 years. "And when we try to focus on each other completely when communicating, it's like we are in the middle of a first exciting date forever."

 

48 DON'T BRING WORK INTO THE RELATIONSHIP: When work stress spills over into your relationship or relationship stress spills over into your work life, it's a recipe for disaster. "We both did our own thing," says Gayle Carson, a life coach who was married for 45 years before her husband passed away. "I had my own business and eventually my husband had his. We didn't interfere with each other and when we came together, it was glorious."

49 PURSUE SOME OF THE SAME INTERESTS: Having a few activities you both love can mean the difference between decades of marital bliss and seemingly endless strife. "We did have common interests for entertainment," says Carson. "Every weekend was spent water skiing, swimming, and out in the boat. We loved going to movies, eating out, and watching TV."

 

50 BUT REMEMBER THAT OPPOSITES ATTRACT: While enjoying some of the same things certainly makes it easier to spend time together, don't operate under the assumption that you have to share a personality to happily share a life together. "Although I was the extrovert and he the introvert, it worked because we didn't push each other in either direction," says Carson.

 

Much Love, Dr.Shermaine, #InformativeRead #PleaseShare #HealthyBodySoulAndSpirit #IWantYou2LiveWell #FeelFree2SignUpAndFollow

The Goal is to Always Make You Aware of What Concerns Your Body, Soul and Spirit, So You Can Have Open, Honest and Frequent Discussions With Your Physicians and Counselors. You Can’t Treat or Cure What You Don’t Know is Sick.
 
"It's Not Selfish to Love Yourself, Take Care of Yourself and to Make Your Happiness a Priority. It's a Necessity." (Mandy Hale)

"Self-Care is Not Selfish. You Cannot Serve From an Empty Vessel." (Eleanor Brown)

 

The contents of the Best Life Online and Self-Care With Dr. Shermaine Sites, such as text, graphics, images, and other material contained on the Best Life Online and Self-Care With Dr. Shermaine Sites ("Content") are for informational purposes only. The Content is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health provider with any questions you may have regarding a medical condition. Never disregard professional medical advice or delay in seeking it because of something you have read on the Best Life Online and Self-Care With Dr. Shermaine Sites!

If you think you may have a medical emergency, call your doctor or 911 immediately. Best Life Online and Self-Care With Dr. Shermaine does not recommend or endorse any specific tests, physicians, products, procedures, opinions, or other information that may be mentioned on the Sites. Reliance on any information provided by Best Life Online, Best Life Online employees, others appearing on the Site at the invitation of Best Life Online, and Self-Care With Dr. Shermaine or other visitors to the Sites is solely at your own risk.  

“Dating and Marriage Tips From Couples Who Have Been Married 25+ Years”

 

Can we agree that all advice isn’t good advice? Sometimes your friends want to tell you how to do something even if they haven’t been through it (*shaking my head*). So, instead of boring you with tips that are just theories, here are some dating, marriage and relationship tips from couples have been married for at least 25 years or more.

1. DON’T GO TO BED ANGRY: Even if you can’t resolve a disagreement before you hit the sheets, you can agree to let the anger go for the night. Remind each other how lucky you are — even as you disagree — to have each other to disagree with.

2. GIVE COMPLIMENTS: To give a compliment, you’ve got to pay attention — really notice something about someone. If it’s been a while since you’ve doled out flattering praise, try it. It costs nothing to say, “You look good,” “You did a great job,” or “I like your shirt.” Yet compliments can really reassure and pump up your spouse.

3. HOLD HANDS: Back in our parents’ time, hand-holding and discreet pecks on the cheek were the tasteful, chaste displays of affection. Although anything goes these days, its encouraged that couples simply hold hands in public. It somehow affirms to everyone your undying affection and love for each other, and it shows everyone that you are proud to be with each other and you want everyone to know it. There’s an actual electrical connection that passes between us when we touch. You can use that electrical connection to provide juice in your marriage. Give each other little pats and gentle touches and hold hands frequently when you’re walking or driving, and you’ll keep the energy — and the sweetness — flowing between you.

4. BE A LITTLE OLD-FASHIONED: Once you are in love, ask questions like: Is this person likely to be a good provider? Can they manage money? Are they likely to be a good parent? Because marriage is a financial arrangement in addition to a love one and one in which your economic future is entwined with somebody else’s. And as one husband eloquently said, “Making love is so much better when the bills are paid!”

5. WATCH YOUR PARTNER WHILE THEY PLAY: Watching someone play a game is “extremely diagnostic.” You get a chance to observe how someone behaves under stress, whether they’re honest and how they handle defeat. Small things can tell you very big things about a couple’s suitability.

6. DO A SENSE OF HUMOR CHECK: Observe what makes your partner laugh. If he thinks a whoopee cushion is funny and you don’t, it certainly won’t get funnier for you 30 years from now. It’s a simple test of whether your world views align.

7. CUT BACK ON COMPLAINTS: Yesteryear’s couples had a comic reputation for nagging — yet, in truth, many partners often held their tongues. A stumbling block in modern marriages is a constant soundtrack of discord. Current generations think that closeness comes from sharing everything, letting each other know how miserable you are. But it doesn’t motivate me to treat you better. Relaying every annoyance is a bad idea. Instead, pick your battles. “Not everything needs to be addressed.”

8. TRY THOUGHTFUL LITTLE ACTS: Back in the day, with fewer stresses, limited technology and less multitasking, couples were more “present” in their relationships. The presence of little, daily thoughtful acts showed caring and appreciation for one another. Things like making breakfast for your spouse or packing their lunch, bringing them coffee in the morning or a drink or glass of wine at the end of the day, warming up their car or putting their keys and other personal effects on the hall table, ready to go. Sustaining a happy relationship requires careful thought, a generous spirit and hard work. There’s a lot of wisdom to be gained from our parents or grandparents. They had companionship marriage, but we’ve raised the bar — we want romance, great sex, and more intimacy. We can reconcile these two approaches. With some of the gentleness and graciousness of previous generations with the technology and savvy of today’s marriages.

9. MAINTAIN SAME-SEX FRIENDS — AND INTERESTS: Women, don’t try to regulate your husband’s pleasures and don’t be jealous if they don’t include you. It’s only been during the past couple of decades that couples expected to share a bulk of their free time together. Retro couples didn’t necessarily want to participate in each others hobbies. Couples should keep close ties with their same-sex friends throughout marriage. This will give you both time to cultivate your own interests, and not be totally reliant on each other for their entertainment.

10. STILL DRESS TO IMPRESS: You can inspire romance by dressing up for the occasion. “With our hectic schedules, it’s tempting to resort to sweatpants all weekend or immediately changing into a ratty T-shirt after work. Instead, dress up the next time you and your spouse have dinner or plan a night out. Wearing a beautiful dress or a button-down shirt and slacks will be unexpected and make your partner feel special that you took the extra time to look nice. Taking time with your appearance inspires romance and shows your partner you care. Never let yourself go. Look your best as often as possible — it will make your partner feel loved and proud.

11. PUT PEN TO PAPER: Back before cell phones and instant messaging, people wrote letters of affection to each other, often waiting weeks to receive them. Love letters exchanged between a couple can strengthen their relationship by helping them to connect to one another on a deeper level. These letters may also become treasured keepsakes that can be revisited and experienced anew each time they are read. You’ll reap bonus points if you hand write it on beautiful paper and enclose a cherished memento such as a photograph or ticket stub from a movie you saw together.

12. MAKE MANNERS COOL AGAIN: “Please,” “thank you,” “pardon me” and “may I” are phrases that seemed to have all but disappeared from present-day vocabularies, especially with our loved ones. You should extend your partner the same courtesy you would a stranger. When speaking to your spouse, don’t be rude, be respectful. Use a combination of old-school civility and modern frankness. Additionally, try more sweetness and tenderness by saying things more lovingly. Politeness is like a lubricant for your daily interactions; it makes everything go more smoothly. Husbands, show her that chivalry is not dead: Pull out her chair, open the door for her, help her over a puddle, give her your coat when it is cold outside, help her to put on her coat. This act of affection shows that she is important and there is a level of respect for her.

13. HAVE COUPLES FUN: Cocktail hour and formal anniversary celebrations with like-minded couples were common activities shared by our parents and their friends. It’s fun and a great way to be social with others and playful with one another. It is important to identify friends who are healthy additions to your social circle. Your goal is to become close with other couples with similar standards and interests who have positive attitudes about marriage and family life. Gravitate toward fun couples who make you feel supported and enhance your active, healthy lifestyle. Friends like these are good for your marriage and overall well-being.

August 15, 2016 by Angela L. Davis, BlackDoctor+Org

Much Love, Dr.Shermaine, #InformativeRead #PleaseShare #HealthyBodySoulAndSpirit #IWantYou2LiveWell #FeelFree2SignUpAndFollow

The Goal is to Always Make You Aware of What Concerns Your Body, Soul and Spirit, So You Can Have Open, Honest and Frequent Discussions With Your Physicians and Counselors. You Can’t Treat or Cure What You Don’t Know is Sick.
 
"It's Not Selfish to Love Yourself, Take Care of Yourself and to Make Your Happiness a Priority. It's a Necessity." (Mandy Hale)

"Self-Care is Not Selfish. You Cannot Serve From an Empty Vessel." (Eleanor Brown)

The contents of the BlackDoctor+Org and Self-Care With Dr. Shermaine Sites, such as text, graphics, images, and other material contained on the BlackDoctor+Org and Self-Care With Dr. Shermaine Sites ("Content") are for informational purposes only. The Content is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health provider with any questions you may have regarding a medical condition. Never disregard professional medical advice or delay in seeking it because of something you have read on the BlackDoctor+Org and Self-Care With Dr. Shermaine Sites!

If you think you may have a medical emergency, call your doctor or 911 immediately. BlackDoctor+Org and Self-Care With Dr. Shermaine does not recommend or endorse any specific tests, physicians, products, procedures, opinions, or other information that may be mentioned on the Sites. Reliance on any information provided by BlackDoctor+Org, BlackDoctor+Org employees, others appearing on the Site at the invitation of BlackDoctor+Org, and Self-Care With Dr. Shermaine or other visitors to the Sites is solely at your own risk.