"Breaking Bad Health Habits"

 

Quit smoking. Lay off the junk food. Stop being a couch potato. Don’t stay up too late. All of that sounds simple enough, but simple doesn’t always mean easy. You’ll need a good strategy to break some of those bad habits.

THINK ABOUT IT:

Knowing you need to change something usually isn’t enough motivation to do it. You may even think there’s a good reason you do it. For example, sometimes people who smoke feel like smoke breaks are the only times they can step away from their work during the day. And eating together is a way to bond with friends and family, so you may go along with the crowd instead of choosing healthier foods. But are those really good reasons? You can take a break and go outside without smoking. You can enjoy a meal with friends and make better food choices. A good way to get yourself going is to figure out what benefits you’ll get when you change your habits:

• You’ll feel better when you take care of your health.
• Your chances of certain diseases and conditions may go down.
• More activity and better foods can help you lose a few pounds and feel more comfortable in your clothes.
• Getting more sleep will give you more energy.
• If you smoke, you’ll save money, and your clothes, breath, and home won’t smell like smoke when you quit.

BREAK IT DOWN:

If the change seems overwhelming, start with small steps and goals. One way to do that is a trick from the business world called SWOT:

Strengths: What are you already doing right? What skills do you have?

• Are you a good cook who can make healthy, delicious meals?
• Are you good at scheduling, so you can make time to exercise?
• Who will support you in this? Friends, family, co-workers?

Weaknesses: What could get in your way?

• Do you put things off so you don’t have time to make healthy meals or go to the gym?
• Do you have a hard time sleeping because of stress?

Opportunities: What might help you break your bad habit?

• Can you join a club or support group?
• Does your workplace have a gym?
• Are there apps to help you plan your activities or track your progress?

Threats: Could things you can’t control throw a wrench into your plans?

• Does your work schedule constantly change?
• Do people around you try to pressure you to stick to your bad habits?

Plan how you’ll respond to these challenges. Take a minute and write your responses down to help you sort through it all.

SET SMALL GOALS:

Going cold turkey can be hard, so start small:

• Instead of not eating sweets, have one fewer snack each day.
• If you want to be more active, take a short walk after dinner each night.
• If you can’t sleep, set an alarm to remind you to turn off the TV, phone, or computer an hour before you want to go to bed.

Aim for things you’re pretty sure you can do. Small wins can keep you going.

SWAP BAD FOR GOOD:

It’s important to replace bad habits with good ones. Otherwise, you’re likely to fall back into your old routines. For example, people who quit smoking sometimes replace it with snacking. Having healthy choices around, like fruit, can help keep that from becoming a problem. If you turn off the computer in time to wind down and fall asleep, but replace it with your phone or the TV, that’s probably not going to help. (Light from a screen can keep you awake.) Instead, try meditating, writing in a journal, or reading a book.

A few other tips:

• Pick a new healthy habit you enjoy. If you hate running on a treadmill, chances are you won’t stick with it. If you don’t like broccoli, there’s no point in loading your plate with it.
• Change one habit at a time. Trying to do too much at once can make it so hard to know where to start that you don’t start at all. As you meet each goal, add another one.
• Don’t rush it. Chances are, you didn’t develop the bad habit overnight, so give yourself the time to develop the new one. It can take 2 to 3 months for a new routine to take hold.

TRACK YOUR PROGRESS:

Keep a daily record of the changes you make. If you haven’t met your goals for the week, think about what went wrong, then see what you might do better next week. If you’ve met your goals, give yourself a little reward. Seeing things add up, like your workouts or the days since you’ve had a cigarette, can motivate and encourage you.

FORGIVE YOURSELF:

Setbacks are normal. Don’t beat yourself up when you have one. Think back to when you first started, look at your daily record, and remind yourself of how far you’ve come. One slip-up doesn’t wipe all that out. Then pick up where you left off.

WRITTEN BY: Terri D'Arrigo, WebMD 

REVIEWED BY: Tyler Wheeler, MD, WebMD on September 22, 2021

SOURCES:

Joseph McNamara, PhD, assistant professor of psychology and interim division chief of medical psychology, division of medical psychology, department of psychiatry, University of Florida College of Medicine, Gainesville.

Melanie C. Austin-McCain, assistant professor and admissions coordinator, department of occupational therapy, New York Institute of Technology, Old Westbury.

Inger E. Burnett-Zeigler, PhD, assistant professor, department of psychiatry and behavioral sciences, Northwestern University Feinberg School of Medicine, Chicago.

American Heart Association: “How to Change Bad Habits and Live a Heart Healthy Lifestyle.”

American Psychological Association: “Making Lifestyle Changes That Last.”

West Virginia University: “Motivation to Change Your Health Habits.”

Much Love, Dr.Shermaine, #InformativeRead #PleaseShare #HealthyBodySoulAndSpirit #IWantYou2LiveWell #FeelFree2SignUpAndFollow

The Goal is to Always Make You Aware of What Concerns Your Body, Soul and Spirit, So You Can Have Open, Honest and Frequent Discussions With Your Physicians and Counselors. You Can’t Treat or Cure What You Don’t Know is Sick.
 
"It's Not Selfish to Love Yourself, Take Care of Yourself and to Make Your Happiness a Priority. It's a Necessity." (Mandy Hale)

"Self-Care is Not Selfish. You Cannot Serve From an Empty Vessel." (Eleanor Brown)

The contents of the WebMD and Self-Care With Dr. Shermaine Sites, such as text, graphics, images, and other material contained on the WebMD and Self-Care With Dr. Shermaine Sites ("Content") are for informational purposes only. The Content is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health provider with any questions you may have regarding a medical condition. Never disregard professional medical advice or delay in seeking it because of something you have read on the WebMD and Self-Care With Dr. Shermaine Sites!

If you think you may have a medical emergency, call your doctor or 911 immediately. WebMD and Self-Care With Dr. Shermaine does not recommend or endorse any specific tests, physicians, products, procedures, opinions, or other information that may be mentioned on the Sites. Reliance on any information provided by WebMD, WebMD employees, others appearing on the Site at the invitation of WebMD, and Self-Care With Dr. Shermaine or other visitors to the Sites is solely at your own risk.  

“What Happens to Your Body When You Drink Alcohol? What Happens When You Quit?”

 

Moderate drinking may help your health, but heavy boozing only hurts it. 

Here's how alcohol affects your body and your health. Alcohol is one of the few socially acceptable drugs that people consume regularly. When it comes to the effects of alcohol on the body, it's not all bad, but it's also not all good. Read on for the nutrition of alcohol and what alcohol does to your body, in moderation and in excess.

ALCOHOL NUTRITION: The calories in alcoholic beverages can vary based on their percentage of alcohol (and added ingredients). Higher-alcohol drinks generally have smaller serving sizes. Here are the usual calories in several common alcoholic beverages:

·                     Sparkling Wine (Champagne, prosecco): 5 oz., 125 calories

·                     White Wine: 5 oz., 125 calories

·                     Red Wine: 5 oz., 130 calories

·                     Light Beers (pilsner, helles, lager): 12 oz., 100 calories

·                     Medium Beers (IPA, APA): 12 oz., 190 calories

·                     Heavy Beers (IIPA, stout): 12 oz., 220 calories

·                     Malt Liquor: 12 oz., 210 calories

·                     Liqueurs: 1.5 oz. (1 shot), 170 calories (can vary with additional ingredients like sugar and cream)

·                     Distilled Liquors (rum, vodka, gin, whiskey): 1.5 oz. (1 shot), 100 calories

DEHYDRATION: Dehydration is more than just a parched feeling—it can contribute to neurological, urological, circulatory and gastrointestinal disorders over time. When you drink alcohol, it suppresses the hormone in your body that helps your body stay hydrated, called the antidiuretic hormone. Alcohol itself is also a diuretic, which means it draws water out of your body. When you get dehydrated from alcohol consumption, it can also lead to electrolyte imbalances. The seriousness of electrolyte imbalances depends on the severity of your dehydration. For example, sometimes rehydrating with a drink with electrolytes, like coconut water or a sports drink, can do the trick. Other times, these imbalances can be serious and require medical treatment. One way to limit the dehydrating effects of alcohol is to alternate a glass of water between alcoholic drinks. A study published in the Journal of the International Society of Sports Nutrition found that those who drank beer and water after exercising were just as hydrated as those who drank only water.

 

BREAST CANCER: As little as one alcoholic drink per day can raise your risk of breast cancer. Drinking alcohol can raise estrogen levels. Increased estrogen in the body is a known risk factor for breast cancer and can even result from low levels of alcohol consumption. When your body breaks down alcohol, it creates byproducts which may be carcinogenic. The more you drink, the harder it becomes for your body to clear them out. Women are particularly vulnerable to carcinogens from puberty through their first pregnancy, so the timing of alcohol consumption plays a role as well. On the bright side, eating a balanced, nutritious diet can be protective against these alcohol byproducts. For example, women who did not consume the recommended daily amount of folate (400 mcg) regularly were at a heightened risk compared to those who did.

GUT HEALTH: Drinking alcohol can influence the composition and metabolic function of your GI tract. Alcohol causes our stomach cells to produce excess amounts of gastric acid. This can cause stomach irritability and nausea. Ongoing overconsumption of alcohol has been shown to cause oxidative stress that promotes the development of alcoholic liver disease, along with other conditions. Probiotics have been shown to help repair the GI damage, once drinking stops.

PANCREATIC HEALTH: Alcohol is the second most common cause of acute pancreatitis, with risk increasing substantially when someone has more than five drinks a day. Luckily, there has been no association found between moderate wine or beer consumption (one to two drinks daily) and pancreatitis. There are a few reasons why too much alcohol doesn't agree with your pancreas. Ethanol from alcohol promotes the initial pancreatic injury by inflaming and plugging the cells around the pancreas. Continuing to consume excessive amounts of alcohol inhibits the body's ability to repair the damaged cells. Diets high in nutrients such as thiamine, folate, fiber and vitamin D have been shown to be protective against pancreatic damage.

 

LIVER HEALTH: The liver is the first organ many people think of when talking about alcohol. It is well-established that excessive drinking can lead to fat accumulation in your liver and, ultimately, cirrhosis. Fortunately, early stages of liver disease are reversible, but cirrhosis is not. Body fat is highly influenced by alcohol and can have a profound impact on your liver health as well. In a healthy body, fat tissue is necessary and important for longevity. However, over time, excessive alcohol consumption breaks down fat cells and sends them to the liver, where they can accumulate and lead to chronic liver disease. Obesity has been found to exacerbate this effect. Regular exercise has been found to reduce fat accumulation in the liver, and it improves body composition in general, which provides additional protection from liver disease.

 

BRAIN HEALTH: A 2018 study in the BMJ found that, after 23 years of follow-up, the lowest incidence of dementia was found in adults who drank between one and fourteen drinks each week (two or fewer drinks per day). Surprisingly, they found that abstainers had the highest rates of dementia; and, unsurprisingly, heavy consumption greatly increased the risk. Moderate alcohol consumption prevents gaps from forming when brain cells naturally die; however, science is still unsure of the mechanisms for this. Additionally, a study in Molecular Psychiatry found that heavy drinkers, specifically men, had significantly more behavioral and social problems than moderate drinkers or abstainers. One nightly glass of wine or beer may be the sweet spot for staying mentally sharp.

 

HEART HEALTH: Moderate alcohol consumption boosts the good HDL cholesterol in our blood, which promotes clean arteries while also reducing inflammation (moderate is defined as one drink per day for women, and two for men). Better yet, low amounts of alcohol can also improve blood flow and blood pressure. This reduces your risk of heart attacks, strokes, heart failure and artery disease. On the other hand, heavy drinking (five or more drinks daily) sabotages these benefits and actually increases blood pressure, which can be an additional risk for heart disease.

 

BONE HEALTH: Booze may boost your bone health as well, when consumed in moderation. The same increases in sex hormones (estrogen and testosterone) that can be a risk factor for reproductive cancers can increase bone density. Wine and beer may be more beneficial than spirits due to their antioxidant content. However, chronically consuming high levels of alcohol can damage your bones and deplete your body of minerals essential for bone health. In studies with rats, vitamin E has been found to improve the negative bone health outcomes associated with alcohol; however, more research is needed to form a conclusion.

BOTTOM LINE: Alcohol is widely available and consumed, someway or somehow, in many cultures. The research is promising about the health benefits of consuming moderate amounts of alcohol. However, that is not to say you should pick up the habit if you don't already drink. What is well-established is that abuse of alcohol is incredibly damaging to numerous organs in your body. Alcohol can have a place in a healthy diet when consumed responsibly and in moderation. Cheers to that!

 

Jessica Ball, M.S., R.D., Eating Well, Updated December 11, 2019

“What Happens to Your Body When You Quit Drinking?”

The scoop on why you'll lose weight, get better sleep and feel better overall.

Whatever your alcohol intake-whether you only indulge in a single celebratory Friday-night drink or pour yourself an Olivia Pope-size glass of wine every single night-there are a bevy of benefits to going booze-free. You already know many of them: weight loss, better sleep and a happier, healthier mood. But what, exactly, happens inside your body that makes not drinking so great?

"Alcohol is a toxin," Sal Raichbach, Psy.D., LCSW, chief of clinical compliance at Ambrosia Treatment Center points out. "As it enters the bloodstream, it impacts every organ system and takes a toll on the normal processes of the human body. So, if you stop drinking, then your body doesn't have to go through that recovery process the next day." Here's what happens to your body when you stop drinking—on the outside and inside.

YOU'LL LOSE WEIGHT: If you've ever gone even a week without your favorite cocktail, you've likely noticed your clothing fits a little more loosely. (Hello, skinny jeans!) That's because when you cut out alcohol's empty calories, your body can focus on burning the other calories you consume. "Alcohol contains empty calories, which don't offer nutrients," Raichbach explains. Those empty calories aren't as satisfying as energy from whole foods with nutrients like protein and fiber and fat, so you're likely adding alcohol's calories on top of your nutritional needs. If you eat an adequate amount to maintain your weight, any excess calories will be stored as fat. It's true that most drinks only pack 100 to 200 calories per serving, but that adds up, says David Greuner, M.D., surgical director at NYC Surgical Associates. "Though no longer considered an exact measure, 3,500 calories translates to approximately one pound of weight," he says. So: "By simply eliminating nightly cocktails or weekend binges, you can potentially shed a couple of pounds by month's end."

YOU'LL SLEEP BETTER: Even drinking once or twice a week can wreak havoc on your sleep schedule, Raichbach says. "People who quit drinking often notice that their weekends are more productive and restful because their sleep is restorative," he describes. That may seem counterintuitive-especially for people who struggle to fall asleep at night. "Even though alcohol makes you sleepy, it's not a useful sleep aid," Raichbach explains. "Moderate alcohol consumption diminishes your quality of sleep by reducing the production of melatonin, a hormone that tells our bodies when to sleep and when to wake up. It also increases another chemical that affects sleep regulation, adenosine." What's more, Greuner adds, consuming alcohol forces your brain to work in alpha waves, which is a meditative or resting wave state we typically experience when we're awake. With these hormones, chemicals and brain waves out of whack, you'll find yourself waking up in the middle of the night-or needing to nap at work. And restorative REM sleep can be elusive. Cutting out alcohol can help you sleep soundly through the night.

 

YOU'LL GET SICK LESS: Prone to head colds? Your nightly glass-or three-of wine could be to blame, says Greuner. While light to moderate drinking shouldn't increase your susceptibility, "even a single episode of binge drinking can lead to exertion on the immune system and cause inflammation-a common cause of many ailments." When you refrain from drinking to excess, you'll reduce and reverse inflammation. And because of that "over time, your immune system will be strengthened," Greuner explains.

 

YOU'LL IMPROVE YOUR DIGESTION: The liver is responsible for cleansing the body of toxins-including alcohol. When you take alcohol out of the equation, "the liver doesn't have to deal with metabolizing ethanol and can focus on being the body's filter for other toxins that we naturally encounter," Raichbach says. Drinking too much can also cause fatty liver disease, inflammation of the liver and, over time, cirrhosis and liver failure. Be sure to talk to your doctor if you're taking any medications. Some medicines interact with alcohol and can increase the risk of liver damage from drinking. Plus, our digestive system deals with alcohol differently than other toxins. Alcohol, particularly fermented beverages like beer and wine, can cause stomach cells to overproduce gastric acid, which can irritate the stomach. Excessive alcohol intake can damage the lining of the GI tract as well. "As soon as alcohol enters the body and travels into the esophagus," says Raichbach, "it's already doing damage to cells that digest our food. Studies show that it continues to affect the digestive system as it enters the stomach, where it can negatively affect the lining of the stomach and cause ulcers in the gastrointestinal tract." While you likely wouldn't see these effects with moderate alcohol consumption, stopping drinking eliminates this risk entirely.

 

YOU'LL STAY MORE HYDRATED: "Alcohol is a diuretic, meaning that it increases the rate at which you expel water from your body as urine," explains Raichbach. The need to go or not go to the bathroom begins in your brain, as your pituitary gland releases antidiuretic hormone (ADH) that tells your kidneys it's time to retain water. Drinking even small amounts of alcohol can have a temporary diuretic effect. "Alcohol causes ADH levels to drop, and as a result, the kidneys produce more urine and retain less water," Raichbach says. "When you stop drinking alcohol, you restore ADH levels to their natural state, and your kidneys expel the appropriate amount of water." By retaining water and staying hydrated, your whole body will feel better. “Our bodies are entirely dependent on water," he says. "Every cell in our body uses water in one way or another. It's essential for circulation, maintaining body temperature, and helps to get rid of waste. Without proper hydration, the heart must work harder to pump the same amount of blood, and your kidneys will eventually start to fail."

YOUR SKIN WILL LOOK BETTER: Another plus to rehydrating your body is that your appearance may improve. "Though moderate drinking may not present a large number of immediate life-threatening concerns, it can quickly take a noticeable toll on your appearance-even after one night of overindulging," warns Greuner. "Less water in the body leads to some immediate and visible effects, including dry and more wrinkled skin, red cheeks, eczema and blood-shot eyes." But take a night-or a month-off from drinking, and you'll likely be happier with what you see in the mirror. "With the avoidance of alcohol and proper hydration, your skin should soon return to its normal healthy state," he says.

 

YOU'LL FEEL LESS ANXIOUS: You likely already know that alcohol is a depressant. As such, alcohol "directly affects the brain and neural networks, impacting almost every one of the brain's processes," Raichbach says. "A healthy brain that isn't impaired by alcohol maintains a balance of neurotransmitters like GABA and dopamine." On the other hand, he says, "Alcohol throws off the levels of neurotransmitters that regulate emotions and behavior, and control cognitive abilities." When you drink, your GABA and dopamine levels deplete, and you may feel tired, anxious and depressed when the intoxicating effects of alcohol wear off, Raichbach says. But taking a break from alcohol allows your brain to restore the balance of feel-good hormones.

 

BOTTOM LINE: The recommendations around drinking caution not to start if you don't already drink, but say that in moderation—one glass per day for women and two for men—alcohol can be part of a healthy diet and lifestyle. Besides the above-mentioned benefits of going sober, as little as one drink a day has been linked with an increased risk of breast cancer. Plus, certain populations—including pregnant women, people under 21 and people with certain medical conditions—shouldn’t drink at all. Whether you're considering cutting back, doing a 30-day dry month or giving up alcohol entirely, you'll likely reap some benefits—but drinking in moderation can be OK too.

Jillian Kramer, Eating Well, Updated November 25, 2020

Much Love, Dr.Shermaine, #InformativeRead #PleaseShare #HealthyBodySoulAndSpirit #IWantYou2LiveWell #FeelFree2SignUpAndFollow

The Goal is to Always Make You Aware of What Concerns Your Body, Soul and Spirit, So You Can Have Open, Honest and Frequent Discussions With Your Physicians and Counselors. You Can’t Treat or Cure What You Don’t Know is Sick.
 
"It's Not Selfish to Love Yourself, Take Care of Yourself and to Make Your Happiness a Priority. It's a Necessity." (Mandy Hale)

"Self-Care is Not Selfish. You Cannot Serve From an Empty Vessel." (Eleanor Brown)

The contents of the Eating Well and Self-Care With Dr. Shermaine Sites, such as text, graphics, images, and other material contained on the Eating Well and Self-Care With Dr. Shermaine Sites ("Content") are for informational purposes only. The Content is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health provider with any questions you may have regarding a medical condition. Never disregard professional medical advice or delay in seeking it because of something you have read on the Eating Well and Self-Care With Dr. Shermaine Sites!

If you think you may have a medical emergency, call your doctor or 911 immediately. Eating Well and Self-Care With Dr. Shermaine does not recommend or endorse any specific tests, physicians, products, procedures, opinions, or other information that may be mentioned on the Sites. Reliance on any information provided by Eating Well, Eating Well employees, others appearing on the Site at the invitation of Eating Well, and Self-Care With Dr. Shermaine or other visitors to the Sites is solely at your own risk.  

“The 50 Best Marriage Tips From Couples Who've Been Married for 50+ Years!”

 

THIS RELATIONSHIP ADVICE IS THE KEY TO MAKING IT THROUGH ANYTHING.

When you first walk down the aisle, tons of people give you marriage tips like "never go to bed angry" and "remember that you're on the same team." Of course, during the honeymoon stage, that advice for a long, successful marriage doesn't seem very pressing. But with the rising number of couples over 50 calling it quits—these "gray divorces" now account for 25 percent of splits—it seems harder than ever to make a marriage really last until death do you part. So, what do those couples who do manage to make their unions last for decades know about love that the rest of us don't? From the small gestures that keep the romance alive to tips on overcoming the challenges most couples face, we've gathered the best marriage tips from those who've stuck it out for half a century. These are the keys to marital success.

 

1 LET YOUR PARTNER KNOW YOU'RE THINKING ABOUT THEM THROUGHOUT THE DAY: If you want your partner to feel both desirable and desired, make sure you're letting them know just how often they're on your mind. "Let your partner know you are thinking about them and putting them first in your mind," suggests Beverly B. Palmer, PhD, a professor of psychology, clinical psychologist, and author who has been married for 50 years.

2 AND LET THEM EXPRESS THEIR FEELINGS FIRST: Instead of always letting your partner know exactly how you're feeling first, make space for them to express themselves before you start sharing. "Understand your partner's point of view and let your partner know that," says Palmer. "After that, you can express yours."

3 ACCEPT YOUR PARTNER FOR WHO THEY ARE: Houses are fixer-uppers, but viewing your spouse that way is a recipe for disaster. "Accept your partner just for who they are. Don't try to change them," Palmer recommends. After all, people can only change if they want to. "Just accept their strengths and weaknesses that make them unique and that you love them for that."

4 IMAGINE WHAT YOUR LIFE WOULD REALLY BE LIKE WITHOUT THEM: Just because your relationship gets rocky from time to time doesn't mean you and your spouse aren't a good match—just try imagining life without them and you'll realize how important they are to you. "Sometimes, when I have a couple in counseling who are either antagonistic toward one another or apathetic, I tell them: 'Think about that you may not have tomorrow with the one you love,'" says Palmer. "'What would you wish you had said or done today that would have made a difference?'"

5 LEARN HOW TO COMPROMISE: Listen, all couples fight. But half the battle of marriage is knowing which fights to pick and which ones you should meet your spouse on halfway. "We compromise," says Anna Pallante, who has been married to her husband Aniello for 58 years. "When you love each other, you commit to make the bumpy road of life smoother together. When you do that each day, you put the love and each other first, instead of yourself. That keeps things peaceful."

6 BE PHYSICALLY AFFECTIONATE WITH ONE ANOTHER: Making your spouse feel loved sometimes means more than just listening to their wants and needs—physical affection is important, too. "A hug and a kiss go a long way," says artist Sheila Rechtshaffer, who has been married to her husband, Bert, for 56 years.

7 END THE NIGHT ON A POSITIVE NOTE: Before you turn in for the evening, make sure you and your spouse are on the same page about the disagreements you had earlier in the day. "Don't go to bed angry," says Bert.

8 ENJOY ONE ANOTHER'S COMPANY: With work, social commitments, and other family members competing for your time, it may be difficult to allocate one-on-one time with your spouse. But making a point to do so—and enjoying it—can make your relationship stronger in the long run. "One of the very most important things is enjoying doing things together," says Tom Wilbur, who has been married for 49 years.

9 MAINTAIN THE FRIENDSHIP IN YOUR RELATIONSHIP: As your relationship progresses, don't forget to maintain your friendship along with the romantic side of your relationship. "We have always been able to spend a great deal of time together and a true friendship was easily formed," says Barbara Adoff, who has been married to her husband Bill for 47 years. "Best friends are there for each other, support each other, and like to have fun together. I often tell my hubby I feel like we're having one very long sleepover."

10 LIVE IN THE MOMENT: Turning otherwise boring activities into small romantic opportunities can keep the passion alive, no matter how long you've been together. "Simply stopping at Wawa for a coffee on our way to run errands makes it special," says Barbara. "We often take time to make things fun or enjoy the moment. If a good song comes on at home we'll stop and dance, we go to the movies and for walks."

11 DECOMPRESS TOGETHER: Self-care is important—and performing those restorative acts with your partner can often make your relationship stronger along the way. "We manage to get into our hot tub most days and this relaxing down time is a treat," says Barbara. "Treats are being good to yourself and to each other."

12 MAKE EVERYTHING A DATE: Want to keep your marriage strong? Take any opportunity to spend time together. "Just going to the grocery store together should be treated like a date," says Barbara's husband, Bill.

13 MAKE SURE YOU HAVE THE SAME FINANCIAL PRIORITIES: While savers and spenders can happily coexist, it's important to see eye-to-eye on your longer-term financial goals to keep your marriage on steady footing. "The biggest problem long-term couples have is finances," says Bill. "Get on the same page right away. Don't let money get in the way."

14 HAVE A SENSE OF HUMOR ABOUT YOURSELF AND YOUR RELATIONSHIP: Sometimes, things don't work out the way you'd planned. Instead of picking a fight with your spouse or getting down, try having a good laugh about things. "Laugh at yourself and at each other," suggests Barbara. "Laugh with each other. Humor is the way to enjoy a marriage and to raise children."

15 DON'T BE AFRAID TO GIVE EACH OTHER SPACE: Space doesn't have to be a bad thing. Just because you want to spend time away from your partner doesn't mean you love or cherish them any less. "I credit still being married to living in a big house," Maureen McEwan, who's been married to her husband Tom for more than 50 years, told Good Housekeeping. "I need space. I need to know that I can be by myself and [have room to be] artistic."

16 KNOW THAT THE GRASS IS NOT ALWAYS GREENER: Many people end up unhappy in their marriage because they wonder, "What if there's someone better out there for me?" or "What if this is not the right path for me?" But most of the time, the answers to those questions are: "There isn't" and "It is." "My grandkids won't settle down because they think the grass is greener," Sheldon Y., who's been married for 50 years, told Elite Daily. "I met my wife and asked her to marry me three days later. When you know someone is right for you, settle down with them and don't let them go. The grass is never greener than love you foster over many years."

17 DON'T BE AFRAID TO SEEK PROFESSIONAL HELP: Seeking outside help is still a bit taboo in some circles where people assume marriage counseling insinuates their relationship is weak. However, it's actually quite the opposite. "I'm not Cinderella, and he's not Prince Charming," Sherri Sugarman, who's been married to her husband Charlie for more than 50 years, told Good Housekeeping. "Glitches along the way are normal because it's hard to live together all these years. We went to a marriage counselor at one point because we were going in different directions and needed professional help. You always have to keep working on the relationship."

18 REALIZE THAT YOU WILL FIGHT: Sometimes, people have an idolized view of marriage and think that one fight means the end is near. But the truth is, all couples fight—even the happy ones. "It's not all been easy years. Young people will say, 'Oh you almost never fight.' We say, 'No, au contraire, we fight all the time,'" Jim Owen, who's been married to his wife Stanya for 50 years, told Fatherly. "You can [keep your marriage alive], but it takes a lot of work. It's not just something that you can ho-him through life."

19 DON'T ALWAYS LIVE IN THE FUTURE: While it can be nice to envision your future with someone, if you're always focused on what's to come, you won't actually be appreciating your partner in the now—which leads to problems in the future. "I'm always surprised that young people who date for two weeks say, 'I think I finally met the one that I want to spend my life with!' It's almost like they visualize the next 5, 10, or 20 years. I don't think we've ever done that," Owen told Fatherly. "We don't live in the future. We don't think, 'It's going to be so much better once this or that event happens.'"

 

20 KNOW THAT NO MARRIAGE IS PERFECT: Basing your marriage off the marriage of anyone else can be a recipe for disaster. The only people you need to prove your marriage to are you and your partner, not the world. "I think one of the issues that young people face is that they look at social media, they listen to celebrity stuff, and they think that somewhere out there is a possibility of marriage made in heaven, where there are no issues. Like some people have the perfect marriage. And that's simply not true. Every family has issues," Owen explained to Fatherly.

 

21 ALWAYS KISS EACH OTHER GOODNIGHT: The world is full of surprises, and not all of them good, so make the most of every moment with your partner—especially at the end of the day. "Always kiss each other goodnight because you never know what tomorrow may bring," Joyce Smith Speares, who's been married to Benny DeWitt for more than 60 years, told Southern Living.

 

22 UNDERSTAND THAT PATIENCE IS A VIRTUE: It's true. If you hope for anything out of your spouse, hope for patience. "Patience has made our marriage resilient and has been one of the most important reasons that we are still living happily ever after, enjoying our golden years," Ann Yedowitz, who has been married to her husband Joe for more than 50 years, told Southern Living.

 

23 AND KNOW THAT YOU'RE A TEAM, NO MATTER WHAT: The secret to a happy, loving marriage? Knowing that you're in it together, as a team, no matter what either of you face individually. Once you're married, everything should be faced together. "I know Alan is there for me," Evelyn Brier told Good Housekeeping about her husband of more than 50 years. "I was sick with breast cancer [eight] years ago, and he was right there. It was important, and satisfying, to know that there's someone who genuinely cares about my wellbeing. That's what loves does."

24 FOCUS ON FRIENDSHIP, NOT JUST LUST: Being friends before you enter into a romantic relationship can help cement your bond decades down the line. "We were friends for several years before we started officially dating," explains Silvana Clark, an author and speaker who has been married for 42 years. "This gave us time to know each other and have a realistic understanding of our personalities, strengths, and weaknesses."

 

25 KEEP SAYING "YES" TO NEW EXPERIENCES: If you want your relationship to last, make "yes" a priority. "Marry someone who is fun to be with. Then throughout your marriage, say 'yes' to each other," suggests Clark. "'Yes, we can paint the dining room red if you want.' 'Yes, we can go to a musical, even though I don't like singing and tap dancing.' 'Yes, let's get a sheep to mow the yard because it takes too long to use a lawn mower.' We've found, by saying 'yes' to each other, our lives have been filled with new experiences and amazing times together."

 

26 DECIDE WHAT'S A DEALBREAKER BEFORE YOU TIE THE KNOT: Your spouse isn't likely to change just because you got married, so it's important to know what your dealbreakers are before you walk down the aisle. "Of course, we all have problems, but if you are thinking of marrying someone who drinks heavily when upset, is moody and has fits of rage, stay away!" says Clark. "Those traits won't disappear when you get married. Even marrying someone who is a homebody while you love to travel can be a factor in causing stress in a marriage."

 

27 REMINISCE ABOUT WHY YOU FIRST FELL IN LOVE: Your passion for one another may wax and wane over the years but remembering why you first fell in love can help pull you back in when you feel like you're drifting away from each other. "Keep close in your mind some poignant memories of the first rushes of love—when you knew that you never wanted to be far from this person, when your heart felt a physical jump at the sight of them," say Lewis and Marsha McGehee, who have been married for 44 years. "The daily obstacles will work out if the resolve to hold on to your love story is strong."

 

28 MAKE YOUR PARTNER FEEL WANTED: Knowing (and regularly hearing) that your spouse loves you is important, but knowing they want you can make your marriage last a lifetime. "Being attractive…means doing little things for each other and feeling needed and desired," says Lewis. "I want my spouse to want me."

 

29 MAINTAIN A LIFE OUTSIDE OF YOUR RELATIONSHIP: Codependence can quickly sour any relationship—and maintaining your personal interests outside the marriage might just be the key to enjoying a solid union. "I want my spouse to be engaged in a productive life and care about herself," says Lewis.

 

30 TAKE PRIDE IN YOUR APPEARANCE: "I think that maintaining physical attractiveness is also important," Lewis adds. "I don't mean just in a superficial way. Being attractive to your spouse means multiple things, like trying to stay in shape by working out. This has the added benefit of keeping one's mental attitude strong and positive."

 

31 DON'T LOOK FOR EXCUSES TO END THINGS: Throwing out the “D” word in arguments—or even thinking that this fight might be your last one—will inevitably cause tension in your marriage that you may be unable to fix. "Never go into an argument thinking that it could be the end of the relationship," the McGehees advise. "That means speaking your mind, but not saying or doing anything that is not recoverable. Healthy marriages are not always smooth but should always be respectful."

 

32 CELEBRATE ONE ANOTHER JUST BECAUSE: You shouldn't wait for holidays or anniversaries to celebrate all the wonderful things you love about your spouse. "I have always celebrated birthdays, anniversaries, and it simply being a Wednesday on what started as a crazy work week," says Carol Gee, author of Random Notes (About Life, "Stuff" And Finally Learning to Exhale), who has been married for 47 years. "Celebrate occasions, big and small. These celebrations don't have to be big deals—a cake and coffee to celebrate a birthday, or because it's Friday and you simply love being together."

 

33 KEEP YOUR SPOUSE GUESSING: Keeping your spouse on their toes can go a long way. "One day I asked my husband what he thought the secret to our marriage was," says Gee. "A quiet man of little words, he said, 'I never know what you are going to do from one minute to the next, and I find I like that.'"

 

34 MAKE INTIMACY A PRIORITY OUTSIDE THE BEDROOM: Having an amazing sex life can keep both partners interested but exploring intimacy outside the confines of the bedroom is equally important. "Intimacy is more than sex," says Gee. "It's holding hands, it's kissing each other good morning and goodbye. It's spending time together without outside distractions, cell phones, televisions, that sort of thing."

 

35 PERFORM SMALL GESTURES OF KINDNESS ON A REGULAR BASIS: Over time, many people get so used to their partners being around that they no longer feel the need to perform those little acts of kindness, like pulling out chairs, holding an umbrella for one another, or tackling a chore just so their significant other doesn't have to. "No matter how long we have been married, my husband holding doors open for me makes me feel special," says Gee.

 

36 HAVE A DAILY MEALTIME CHECK-IN: Sharing at least one daily device-free meal can make all the difference when it comes to the health of your relationship. "We have always tried to eat at least one meal together daily," says Gee. "As a working couple (before both retiring) with different work hours, it's typically dinner. Not only do we enjoy a meal together, but we also use this time to talk about our day."

 

37 AND MAKE DINNER AT HOME A SPECIAL OCCASION: Even if you're just heating up last night's leftovers, you can make meals with your spouse feel like a special occasion every night of the week. Light some candles, open a bottle of good wine, or put on a romantic playlist to set the mood. "Casseroles more often than not are served in our dining room on good china," says Gee.

 

38 KEEP THE ROMANCE ALIVE: Sweeping your significant other off their feet is something that can keep those fires lit even after you've been together for decades. "I plan trips where he only has to pack his bag," Gee says. "He, on the other hand, will surprise me by bringing home dinner, or buying the lottery scratch-offs that I adore, and hiding them where I can find them. The unusual locations—such as in the dishes in the cabinet or hidden in our bed—show the thought he puts in just because it tickles me when I find them."

 

39 LEARN WHAT YOU WANT IN BED—AND DON'T BE AFRAID TO TELL YOUR PARTNER: If you want to keep your relationship strong over the years, make sure you're letting your partner know what you want in the bedroom—especially if it's changed over time. "We have learned how to excite each other and how to please each other," says Beverly Solomon, a creative director who has been married for 44 years. "As your love grows, so does the quality of your sexual intimacy. As you age, you really appreciate the shared pleasures of true love."

40 SHOW GRATITUDE: Being thankful can help put things into perspective, keeping you and your spouse from spiraling into despair just because things aren't going the way you expected. "[We] give thanks every day for the blessings we have and for the blessings to come," says Solomon.

 

41 KEEP COMPANY WITH POSITIVE PEOPLE: Want to see your relationship through a rosier lens? Try spending time with friends who share your positive outlook on life. "We avoid negative people and negative situations," Solomon notes. "Being around negative people with negative outlooks can poison your life."

 

42 TAKE TIME TO COOL OFF IF THINGS ARE GETTING TOO HEATED: If you find yourself getting a little bit too passionate during an argument with your spouse, it's often better to back off for the time being and return to the discussion later when you're feeling calmer. "We have disagreements—as all couples do," says Solomon. But, she adds, "if one or both of us feels that we are too upset to discuss an issue in a sane and respectful way, we give ourselves some time to cool down."

 

43 AND DON'T LET YOUR ARGUMENTS SPILL OVER INTO OTHER RELATIONSHIPS: While venting to your friends about your spouse's seeming inability to pick up their socks may be cathartic, spilling the intimate details of what's going wrong in your marriage every time you and your partner disagree may do more harm than good. "We never badmouth each other to others," says Solomon.

 

44 LEARN TO TUNE OUT THE NOISE: Learning to not let others' opinions and advice infiltrate your marriage will keep you and your spouse in sync as time goes by. "When we were first married, there were many expectations placed on us by our parents," says Dana Kichen, a real estate agent who has been married for 42 years. "After four years of tug and pull, we moved out of state and learned to totally rely on each other. This has continued throughout our marriage."

 

45 SPEAK USING "I" STATEMENTS WHEN YOU ARGUE: Instead of enumerating the many ways your partner has upset you, present those issues from your perspective using "I" statements, like, "I feel hurt when you're on your phone when I'm talking to you." "This allows discussion without putting the other person on the defensive, and therefore avoids the escalation of an argument," explains Kichen.

 

46 LEARN TO REALLY APOLOGIZE: Apologizing to your partner is essential for keeping your marriage strong and healthy over the years—but that doesn't always mean concession after a big fight. "Saying 'I'm sorry' does not have to mean 'I was wrong,'" Kichen points out. "It can refer to being sorry for hurting feelings, shouting—anything. This allows you to put hurt feelings aside and go on without one person being right and the other wrong."

 

47 SAY NO TO DISTRACTIONS WHEN YOU'RE COMMUNICATING WITH ONE ANOTHER: When you're having heart-to-hearts with your spouse, it's important to make sure they're your number one priority—not what's on TV, not the laundry in the dryer, and not what's on your phone. "What makes our relationship work is trying not to multi-task when we are communicating with each other," says author Bracha Goetz, who has been married for 40 years. "And when we try to focus on each other completely when communicating, it's like we are in the middle of a first exciting date forever."

 

48 DON'T BRING WORK INTO THE RELATIONSHIP: When work stress spills over into your relationship or relationship stress spills over into your work life, it's a recipe for disaster. "We both did our own thing," says Gayle Carson, a life coach who was married for 45 years before her husband passed away. "I had my own business and eventually my husband had his. We didn't interfere with each other and when we came together, it was glorious."

49 PURSUE SOME OF THE SAME INTERESTS: Having a few activities you both love can mean the difference between decades of marital bliss and seemingly endless strife. "We did have common interests for entertainment," says Carson. "Every weekend was spent water skiing, swimming, and out in the boat. We loved going to movies, eating out, and watching TV."

 

50 BUT REMEMBER THAT OPPOSITES ATTRACT: While enjoying some of the same things certainly makes it easier to spend time together, don't operate under the assumption that you have to share a personality to happily share a life together. "Although I was the extrovert and he the introvert, it worked because we didn't push each other in either direction," says Carson.

 

Much Love, Dr.Shermaine, #InformativeRead #PleaseShare #HealthyBodySoulAndSpirit #IWantYou2LiveWell #FeelFree2SignUpAndFollow

The Goal is to Always Make You Aware of What Concerns Your Body, Soul and Spirit, So You Can Have Open, Honest and Frequent Discussions With Your Physicians and Counselors. You Can’t Treat or Cure What You Don’t Know is Sick.
 
"It's Not Selfish to Love Yourself, Take Care of Yourself and to Make Your Happiness a Priority. It's a Necessity." (Mandy Hale)

"Self-Care is Not Selfish. You Cannot Serve From an Empty Vessel." (Eleanor Brown)

 

The contents of the Best Life Online and Self-Care With Dr. Shermaine Sites, such as text, graphics, images, and other material contained on the Best Life Online and Self-Care With Dr. Shermaine Sites ("Content") are for informational purposes only. The Content is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health provider with any questions you may have regarding a medical condition. Never disregard professional medical advice or delay in seeking it because of something you have read on the Best Life Online and Self-Care With Dr. Shermaine Sites!

If you think you may have a medical emergency, call your doctor or 911 immediately. Best Life Online and Self-Care With Dr. Shermaine does not recommend or endorse any specific tests, physicians, products, procedures, opinions, or other information that may be mentioned on the Sites. Reliance on any information provided by Best Life Online, Best Life Online employees, others appearing on the Site at the invitation of Best Life Online, and Self-Care With Dr. Shermaine or other visitors to the Sites is solely at your own risk.