“The 50 Best Marriage Tips From Couples Who've Been Married for 50+ Years!”

 

THIS RELATIONSHIP ADVICE IS THE KEY TO MAKING IT THROUGH ANYTHING.

When you first walk down the aisle, tons of people give you marriage tips like "never go to bed angry" and "remember that you're on the same team." Of course, during the honeymoon stage, that advice for a long, successful marriage doesn't seem very pressing. But with the rising number of couples over 50 calling it quits—these "gray divorces" now account for 25 percent of splits—it seems harder than ever to make a marriage really last until death do you part. So, what do those couples who do manage to make their unions last for decades know about love that the rest of us don't? From the small gestures that keep the romance alive to tips on overcoming the challenges most couples face, we've gathered the best marriage tips from those who've stuck it out for half a century. These are the keys to marital success.

 

1 LET YOUR PARTNER KNOW YOU'RE THINKING ABOUT THEM THROUGHOUT THE DAY: If you want your partner to feel both desirable and desired, make sure you're letting them know just how often they're on your mind. "Let your partner know you are thinking about them and putting them first in your mind," suggests Beverly B. Palmer, PhD, a professor of psychology, clinical psychologist, and author who has been married for 50 years.

2 AND LET THEM EXPRESS THEIR FEELINGS FIRST: Instead of always letting your partner know exactly how you're feeling first, make space for them to express themselves before you start sharing. "Understand your partner's point of view and let your partner know that," says Palmer. "After that, you can express yours."

3 ACCEPT YOUR PARTNER FOR WHO THEY ARE: Houses are fixer-uppers, but viewing your spouse that way is a recipe for disaster. "Accept your partner just for who they are. Don't try to change them," Palmer recommends. After all, people can only change if they want to. "Just accept their strengths and weaknesses that make them unique and that you love them for that."

4 IMAGINE WHAT YOUR LIFE WOULD REALLY BE LIKE WITHOUT THEM: Just because your relationship gets rocky from time to time doesn't mean you and your spouse aren't a good match—just try imagining life without them and you'll realize how important they are to you. "Sometimes, when I have a couple in counseling who are either antagonistic toward one another or apathetic, I tell them: 'Think about that you may not have tomorrow with the one you love,'" says Palmer. "'What would you wish you had said or done today that would have made a difference?'"

5 LEARN HOW TO COMPROMISE: Listen, all couples fight. But half the battle of marriage is knowing which fights to pick and which ones you should meet your spouse on halfway. "We compromise," says Anna Pallante, who has been married to her husband Aniello for 58 years. "When you love each other, you commit to make the bumpy road of life smoother together. When you do that each day, you put the love and each other first, instead of yourself. That keeps things peaceful."

6 BE PHYSICALLY AFFECTIONATE WITH ONE ANOTHER: Making your spouse feel loved sometimes means more than just listening to their wants and needs—physical affection is important, too. "A hug and a kiss go a long way," says artist Sheila Rechtshaffer, who has been married to her husband, Bert, for 56 years.

7 END THE NIGHT ON A POSITIVE NOTE: Before you turn in for the evening, make sure you and your spouse are on the same page about the disagreements you had earlier in the day. "Don't go to bed angry," says Bert.

8 ENJOY ONE ANOTHER'S COMPANY: With work, social commitments, and other family members competing for your time, it may be difficult to allocate one-on-one time with your spouse. But making a point to do so—and enjoying it—can make your relationship stronger in the long run. "One of the very most important things is enjoying doing things together," says Tom Wilbur, who has been married for 49 years.

9 MAINTAIN THE FRIENDSHIP IN YOUR RELATIONSHIP: As your relationship progresses, don't forget to maintain your friendship along with the romantic side of your relationship. "We have always been able to spend a great deal of time together and a true friendship was easily formed," says Barbara Adoff, who has been married to her husband Bill for 47 years. "Best friends are there for each other, support each other, and like to have fun together. I often tell my hubby I feel like we're having one very long sleepover."

10 LIVE IN THE MOMENT: Turning otherwise boring activities into small romantic opportunities can keep the passion alive, no matter how long you've been together. "Simply stopping at Wawa for a coffee on our way to run errands makes it special," says Barbara. "We often take time to make things fun or enjoy the moment. If a good song comes on at home we'll stop and dance, we go to the movies and for walks."

11 DECOMPRESS TOGETHER: Self-care is important—and performing those restorative acts with your partner can often make your relationship stronger along the way. "We manage to get into our hot tub most days and this relaxing down time is a treat," says Barbara. "Treats are being good to yourself and to each other."

12 MAKE EVERYTHING A DATE: Want to keep your marriage strong? Take any opportunity to spend time together. "Just going to the grocery store together should be treated like a date," says Barbara's husband, Bill.

13 MAKE SURE YOU HAVE THE SAME FINANCIAL PRIORITIES: While savers and spenders can happily coexist, it's important to see eye-to-eye on your longer-term financial goals to keep your marriage on steady footing. "The biggest problem long-term couples have is finances," says Bill. "Get on the same page right away. Don't let money get in the way."

14 HAVE A SENSE OF HUMOR ABOUT YOURSELF AND YOUR RELATIONSHIP: Sometimes, things don't work out the way you'd planned. Instead of picking a fight with your spouse or getting down, try having a good laugh about things. "Laugh at yourself and at each other," suggests Barbara. "Laugh with each other. Humor is the way to enjoy a marriage and to raise children."

15 DON'T BE AFRAID TO GIVE EACH OTHER SPACE: Space doesn't have to be a bad thing. Just because you want to spend time away from your partner doesn't mean you love or cherish them any less. "I credit still being married to living in a big house," Maureen McEwan, who's been married to her husband Tom for more than 50 years, told Good Housekeeping. "I need space. I need to know that I can be by myself and [have room to be] artistic."

16 KNOW THAT THE GRASS IS NOT ALWAYS GREENER: Many people end up unhappy in their marriage because they wonder, "What if there's someone better out there for me?" or "What if this is not the right path for me?" But most of the time, the answers to those questions are: "There isn't" and "It is." "My grandkids won't settle down because they think the grass is greener," Sheldon Y., who's been married for 50 years, told Elite Daily. "I met my wife and asked her to marry me three days later. When you know someone is right for you, settle down with them and don't let them go. The grass is never greener than love you foster over many years."

17 DON'T BE AFRAID TO SEEK PROFESSIONAL HELP: Seeking outside help is still a bit taboo in some circles where people assume marriage counseling insinuates their relationship is weak. However, it's actually quite the opposite. "I'm not Cinderella, and he's not Prince Charming," Sherri Sugarman, who's been married to her husband Charlie for more than 50 years, told Good Housekeeping. "Glitches along the way are normal because it's hard to live together all these years. We went to a marriage counselor at one point because we were going in different directions and needed professional help. You always have to keep working on the relationship."

18 REALIZE THAT YOU WILL FIGHT: Sometimes, people have an idolized view of marriage and think that one fight means the end is near. But the truth is, all couples fight—even the happy ones. "It's not all been easy years. Young people will say, 'Oh you almost never fight.' We say, 'No, au contraire, we fight all the time,'" Jim Owen, who's been married to his wife Stanya for 50 years, told Fatherly. "You can [keep your marriage alive], but it takes a lot of work. It's not just something that you can ho-him through life."

19 DON'T ALWAYS LIVE IN THE FUTURE: While it can be nice to envision your future with someone, if you're always focused on what's to come, you won't actually be appreciating your partner in the now—which leads to problems in the future. "I'm always surprised that young people who date for two weeks say, 'I think I finally met the one that I want to spend my life with!' It's almost like they visualize the next 5, 10, or 20 years. I don't think we've ever done that," Owen told Fatherly. "We don't live in the future. We don't think, 'It's going to be so much better once this or that event happens.'"

 

20 KNOW THAT NO MARRIAGE IS PERFECT: Basing your marriage off the marriage of anyone else can be a recipe for disaster. The only people you need to prove your marriage to are you and your partner, not the world. "I think one of the issues that young people face is that they look at social media, they listen to celebrity stuff, and they think that somewhere out there is a possibility of marriage made in heaven, where there are no issues. Like some people have the perfect marriage. And that's simply not true. Every family has issues," Owen explained to Fatherly.

 

21 ALWAYS KISS EACH OTHER GOODNIGHT: The world is full of surprises, and not all of them good, so make the most of every moment with your partner—especially at the end of the day. "Always kiss each other goodnight because you never know what tomorrow may bring," Joyce Smith Speares, who's been married to Benny DeWitt for more than 60 years, told Southern Living.

 

22 UNDERSTAND THAT PATIENCE IS A VIRTUE: It's true. If you hope for anything out of your spouse, hope for patience. "Patience has made our marriage resilient and has been one of the most important reasons that we are still living happily ever after, enjoying our golden years," Ann Yedowitz, who has been married to her husband Joe for more than 50 years, told Southern Living.

 

23 AND KNOW THAT YOU'RE A TEAM, NO MATTER WHAT: The secret to a happy, loving marriage? Knowing that you're in it together, as a team, no matter what either of you face individually. Once you're married, everything should be faced together. "I know Alan is there for me," Evelyn Brier told Good Housekeeping about her husband of more than 50 years. "I was sick with breast cancer [eight] years ago, and he was right there. It was important, and satisfying, to know that there's someone who genuinely cares about my wellbeing. That's what loves does."

24 FOCUS ON FRIENDSHIP, NOT JUST LUST: Being friends before you enter into a romantic relationship can help cement your bond decades down the line. "We were friends for several years before we started officially dating," explains Silvana Clark, an author and speaker who has been married for 42 years. "This gave us time to know each other and have a realistic understanding of our personalities, strengths, and weaknesses."

 

25 KEEP SAYING "YES" TO NEW EXPERIENCES: If you want your relationship to last, make "yes" a priority. "Marry someone who is fun to be with. Then throughout your marriage, say 'yes' to each other," suggests Clark. "'Yes, we can paint the dining room red if you want.' 'Yes, we can go to a musical, even though I don't like singing and tap dancing.' 'Yes, let's get a sheep to mow the yard because it takes too long to use a lawn mower.' We've found, by saying 'yes' to each other, our lives have been filled with new experiences and amazing times together."

 

26 DECIDE WHAT'S A DEALBREAKER BEFORE YOU TIE THE KNOT: Your spouse isn't likely to change just because you got married, so it's important to know what your dealbreakers are before you walk down the aisle. "Of course, we all have problems, but if you are thinking of marrying someone who drinks heavily when upset, is moody and has fits of rage, stay away!" says Clark. "Those traits won't disappear when you get married. Even marrying someone who is a homebody while you love to travel can be a factor in causing stress in a marriage."

 

27 REMINISCE ABOUT WHY YOU FIRST FELL IN LOVE: Your passion for one another may wax and wane over the years but remembering why you first fell in love can help pull you back in when you feel like you're drifting away from each other. "Keep close in your mind some poignant memories of the first rushes of love—when you knew that you never wanted to be far from this person, when your heart felt a physical jump at the sight of them," say Lewis and Marsha McGehee, who have been married for 44 years. "The daily obstacles will work out if the resolve to hold on to your love story is strong."

 

28 MAKE YOUR PARTNER FEEL WANTED: Knowing (and regularly hearing) that your spouse loves you is important, but knowing they want you can make your marriage last a lifetime. "Being attractive…means doing little things for each other and feeling needed and desired," says Lewis. "I want my spouse to want me."

 

29 MAINTAIN A LIFE OUTSIDE OF YOUR RELATIONSHIP: Codependence can quickly sour any relationship—and maintaining your personal interests outside the marriage might just be the key to enjoying a solid union. "I want my spouse to be engaged in a productive life and care about herself," says Lewis.

 

30 TAKE PRIDE IN YOUR APPEARANCE: "I think that maintaining physical attractiveness is also important," Lewis adds. "I don't mean just in a superficial way. Being attractive to your spouse means multiple things, like trying to stay in shape by working out. This has the added benefit of keeping one's mental attitude strong and positive."

 

31 DON'T LOOK FOR EXCUSES TO END THINGS: Throwing out the “D” word in arguments—or even thinking that this fight might be your last one—will inevitably cause tension in your marriage that you may be unable to fix. "Never go into an argument thinking that it could be the end of the relationship," the McGehees advise. "That means speaking your mind, but not saying or doing anything that is not recoverable. Healthy marriages are not always smooth but should always be respectful."

 

32 CELEBRATE ONE ANOTHER JUST BECAUSE: You shouldn't wait for holidays or anniversaries to celebrate all the wonderful things you love about your spouse. "I have always celebrated birthdays, anniversaries, and it simply being a Wednesday on what started as a crazy work week," says Carol Gee, author of Random Notes (About Life, "Stuff" And Finally Learning to Exhale), who has been married for 47 years. "Celebrate occasions, big and small. These celebrations don't have to be big deals—a cake and coffee to celebrate a birthday, or because it's Friday and you simply love being together."

 

33 KEEP YOUR SPOUSE GUESSING: Keeping your spouse on their toes can go a long way. "One day I asked my husband what he thought the secret to our marriage was," says Gee. "A quiet man of little words, he said, 'I never know what you are going to do from one minute to the next, and I find I like that.'"

 

34 MAKE INTIMACY A PRIORITY OUTSIDE THE BEDROOM: Having an amazing sex life can keep both partners interested but exploring intimacy outside the confines of the bedroom is equally important. "Intimacy is more than sex," says Gee. "It's holding hands, it's kissing each other good morning and goodbye. It's spending time together without outside distractions, cell phones, televisions, that sort of thing."

 

35 PERFORM SMALL GESTURES OF KINDNESS ON A REGULAR BASIS: Over time, many people get so used to their partners being around that they no longer feel the need to perform those little acts of kindness, like pulling out chairs, holding an umbrella for one another, or tackling a chore just so their significant other doesn't have to. "No matter how long we have been married, my husband holding doors open for me makes me feel special," says Gee.

 

36 HAVE A DAILY MEALTIME CHECK-IN: Sharing at least one daily device-free meal can make all the difference when it comes to the health of your relationship. "We have always tried to eat at least one meal together daily," says Gee. "As a working couple (before both retiring) with different work hours, it's typically dinner. Not only do we enjoy a meal together, but we also use this time to talk about our day."

 

37 AND MAKE DINNER AT HOME A SPECIAL OCCASION: Even if you're just heating up last night's leftovers, you can make meals with your spouse feel like a special occasion every night of the week. Light some candles, open a bottle of good wine, or put on a romantic playlist to set the mood. "Casseroles more often than not are served in our dining room on good china," says Gee.

 

38 KEEP THE ROMANCE ALIVE: Sweeping your significant other off their feet is something that can keep those fires lit even after you've been together for decades. "I plan trips where he only has to pack his bag," Gee says. "He, on the other hand, will surprise me by bringing home dinner, or buying the lottery scratch-offs that I adore, and hiding them where I can find them. The unusual locations—such as in the dishes in the cabinet or hidden in our bed—show the thought he puts in just because it tickles me when I find them."

 

39 LEARN WHAT YOU WANT IN BED—AND DON'T BE AFRAID TO TELL YOUR PARTNER: If you want to keep your relationship strong over the years, make sure you're letting your partner know what you want in the bedroom—especially if it's changed over time. "We have learned how to excite each other and how to please each other," says Beverly Solomon, a creative director who has been married for 44 years. "As your love grows, so does the quality of your sexual intimacy. As you age, you really appreciate the shared pleasures of true love."

40 SHOW GRATITUDE: Being thankful can help put things into perspective, keeping you and your spouse from spiraling into despair just because things aren't going the way you expected. "[We] give thanks every day for the blessings we have and for the blessings to come," says Solomon.

 

41 KEEP COMPANY WITH POSITIVE PEOPLE: Want to see your relationship through a rosier lens? Try spending time with friends who share your positive outlook on life. "We avoid negative people and negative situations," Solomon notes. "Being around negative people with negative outlooks can poison your life."

 

42 TAKE TIME TO COOL OFF IF THINGS ARE GETTING TOO HEATED: If you find yourself getting a little bit too passionate during an argument with your spouse, it's often better to back off for the time being and return to the discussion later when you're feeling calmer. "We have disagreements—as all couples do," says Solomon. But, she adds, "if one or both of us feels that we are too upset to discuss an issue in a sane and respectful way, we give ourselves some time to cool down."

 

43 AND DON'T LET YOUR ARGUMENTS SPILL OVER INTO OTHER RELATIONSHIPS: While venting to your friends about your spouse's seeming inability to pick up their socks may be cathartic, spilling the intimate details of what's going wrong in your marriage every time you and your partner disagree may do more harm than good. "We never badmouth each other to others," says Solomon.

 

44 LEARN TO TUNE OUT THE NOISE: Learning to not let others' opinions and advice infiltrate your marriage will keep you and your spouse in sync as time goes by. "When we were first married, there were many expectations placed on us by our parents," says Dana Kichen, a real estate agent who has been married for 42 years. "After four years of tug and pull, we moved out of state and learned to totally rely on each other. This has continued throughout our marriage."

 

45 SPEAK USING "I" STATEMENTS WHEN YOU ARGUE: Instead of enumerating the many ways your partner has upset you, present those issues from your perspective using "I" statements, like, "I feel hurt when you're on your phone when I'm talking to you." "This allows discussion without putting the other person on the defensive, and therefore avoids the escalation of an argument," explains Kichen.

 

46 LEARN TO REALLY APOLOGIZE: Apologizing to your partner is essential for keeping your marriage strong and healthy over the years—but that doesn't always mean concession after a big fight. "Saying 'I'm sorry' does not have to mean 'I was wrong,'" Kichen points out. "It can refer to being sorry for hurting feelings, shouting—anything. This allows you to put hurt feelings aside and go on without one person being right and the other wrong."

 

47 SAY NO TO DISTRACTIONS WHEN YOU'RE COMMUNICATING WITH ONE ANOTHER: When you're having heart-to-hearts with your spouse, it's important to make sure they're your number one priority—not what's on TV, not the laundry in the dryer, and not what's on your phone. "What makes our relationship work is trying not to multi-task when we are communicating with each other," says author Bracha Goetz, who has been married for 40 years. "And when we try to focus on each other completely when communicating, it's like we are in the middle of a first exciting date forever."

 

48 DON'T BRING WORK INTO THE RELATIONSHIP: When work stress spills over into your relationship or relationship stress spills over into your work life, it's a recipe for disaster. "We both did our own thing," says Gayle Carson, a life coach who was married for 45 years before her husband passed away. "I had my own business and eventually my husband had his. We didn't interfere with each other and when we came together, it was glorious."

49 PURSUE SOME OF THE SAME INTERESTS: Having a few activities you both love can mean the difference between decades of marital bliss and seemingly endless strife. "We did have common interests for entertainment," says Carson. "Every weekend was spent water skiing, swimming, and out in the boat. We loved going to movies, eating out, and watching TV."

 

50 BUT REMEMBER THAT OPPOSITES ATTRACT: While enjoying some of the same things certainly makes it easier to spend time together, don't operate under the assumption that you have to share a personality to happily share a life together. "Although I was the extrovert and he the introvert, it worked because we didn't push each other in either direction," says Carson.

 

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"The Success of Failure"

 

“EVEN IF GOOD PEOPLE FALL SEVEN TIMES, THEY WILL GET BACK UP”! (Proverbs 24:16 CEV)

Until you Overcome the Fear of Failure, You’ll Be Immobilized at the Prospect of Taking a Risk! That’s why the Most Important thing to Remember when you fail is: NOT TO QUIT! History shows that Failure can Actually Become a Bridge to Your Success!

Listen: In school, Napoleon was FORTY-SECOND in a class of FORTY-THREE, YET he went on to build an army that Conquered Much of the World!

George Washington Lost TWO-THIRDS of His Military Battles, YET against Overwhelming Odds He Won the Revolutionary War and Changed American History!

Albert Einstein was such a SLOW LEARNER that it was suggested he Switch Studies from Physics to Some Other Topic, YET He’s Considered the Father of the Atomic Age!

Funny thing is, when you recall these names, You Don’t Remember Their Failures, BUT Their Successful Contributions to the World!

Keep This In Mind: “Only When You Consider Your Failure to be Final, Are You Finally a Failure!” (Dr.SYS) Failure is Not an Event, Only an Opinion, and as long as it’s NOT Your Opinion, You Can Always Make a Come-Back and Succeed! “Even if good people fall seven times, They WILL Get Back Up”! (Proverbs 24:16 CEV).

In his inaugural address Franklin Roosevelt told the nation: “The only thing we have to fear is fear itself” Understand that Failure is Not Fatal; You Can Begin Again! However, the Fear of Failure Could Prove Fatal to Your Goals By Keeping You From Ever Trying Again!

After cataloging every possible scenario that could come against us, such as tribulation, distress, persecution, famine, nakedness, peril, and sword, Paul writes: “Yet In All These Things We Are More Than Conquerors Through Him Who Loved Us” (Romans 8:37 NKJV). Another translation says it like this: “No, DESPITE all these things, overwhelming victory is ours through Christ, who loved us” (NLT). That word “Despite” means “In Spite Of”! So the Word for You Today Is—DON’T BE AFRAID OF FAILURE! Why? Because IN SPITE OF Your Frustrations, Mistakes, Wrong Turns, And Huge Failures, God’s Word Still Holds True: “…DESPITE ALL THESE THINGS, OVERWHELMING VICTORY IS OURS THROUGH CHRIST…”!

Did you know that star baseball players Only hit the ball about three out of every ten times! Which makes you wonder how do they live with such a high failure rate? I’ll tell you…By Focusing On the Law of Averages! They know that If They Keeping Swinging the Bat, They’ll Get On Base! Today, that’s all I’m challenging you to do, “Keeping Swinging”! You’ll Hit the Ball Out the Park Sooner or Later!

In 1952 Roger Bannister ran in the Olympics and finished in fourth place, failing to win any kind of medal. BUT He Refused To Quit! Up until this time many experts considered it humanly impossible to run the mile in under four minutes. YET that was Bannister’s goal! And on May 6, 1954, He Became the First Man to Do It! Today, runners do it regularly! So, what’s the point? If You Refuse to Quit When You Fail, You’ll Ultimately Succeed! You Just Have to Be Willing to Get Back Up and Keep Moving Forward! So, No Matter How Many Times You Trip and Fall, Get Back Up, Keep Running and Stay In the Race! You May Very Well Be the Next History Maker!

In 1832 Abraham Lincoln was Defeated for the State Legislature. In 1833 he Failed in business. In 1835 his sweetheart Died. In 1836 he had a Nervous Breakdown. In 1838 he was Defeated for Illinois House Speaker. In 1843 he was Defeated for nomination to Congress. In 1854 he was Defeated for the U.S. Senate. In 1856 he was Defeated for nomination for Vice President. In 1858 he was Defeated Again in a U.S. Senate race.  BUT TODAY HE IS CONSIDERED ONE OF AMERICA’S GREATEST PRESIDENTS! A Wise Man Concluded: “It’s a mistake to suppose that people succeed only through success; they often succeed through failures!” And You’re Not Defeated Until the Past Takes Your Focus Off the Future! SO DON’T BE AFRAID OF FAILURE! Whether you become the President of the United States, the President of a Company, the President of a Church Auxiliary, the President of your Neighborhood Watch or the President of your Book Club, You Can Still Become It, Even After Multiple Failures! Just ask Honest Abe! He’ll tell you the Truth! 

Multiple Failures Often Lead To Multiple Successes!

The Psalmist wrote: “BEFORE I WAS AFFLICTED I went astray, BUT NOW I keep Your Word” (Psalm 119:67 NKJV). By doing it the Wrong Way, the Psalmist Eventually Learned To Do It The Right Way! The Truth Is, When You Fail In One Area, It Can Drive You To Explore Other Areas! You see, Most of Life’s Successes are Based On the Principle of Trial and Error! Often Failure Is Not Falling Short of Your Goal, It’s Simply Not Making the Effort! Failure Can Actually Help You Discover Your Area of Success! For example, when you hate your job you will likely fail in it! Yet it’s in losing that hated position that you may be pressed to pursue what you really like to do, and even better, what you are actually called to do! Think about it: The Psalmist Got It Right Only AFTER Getting It Wrong! Likewise, Your Failure May Be the U-Turn You Needed To Drive You Straight to Success!

Another Benefit of Failure is that It Makes You Less Judgmental of Others! When You’ve Experienced Failure You Become More Sympathetic! Instead of Pointing an Accusing Finger, You See the Need to Extend a Helping Hand! Instead of saying Foolish things like, “I can’t believe you did that,” You Remember the Pit God Dug You Out of and Say With Gratitude and Humility, “Been there, done that, got the t-shirt to prove it”! You Know How it Hurts to Fail, and You Feel Their Pain Because of What You’ve Been Through Yourself! This Makes You a Better Friend, a Better Worker, a Better Mentor, a Better Spouse, a Better Parent, a Better Leader, a Better Believer, and a Better Example of Grace!

Jesus told Peter: “…Satan has asked for you, that he may sift you as wheat. But I have prayed for you, that your faith should not fail; and when you have returned to Me, strengthen your brethren” (Luke 22:31-32 NKJV). An even better translation says: “…WHEN YOU HAVE COME THROUGH THE TIME OF TESTING, TURN TO YOUR COMPANIONS AND GIVE THEM A FRESH START” (MSG). Point: Don’t Think It’s Over Just Because You’ve Come Out! It’s Not Over Until You’ve Went Back For Your Brethren To Bring Them Out Too! Remember Your Hurt, Then Remember To Help!

Solomon writes: “Without oxen a stable stays clean, but you need a strong ox for a large harvest” (Proverbs 14:4 NLT). If You Insist On Always Having a Nice Neat Stall, You’ll Have An Empty Stall! However, If You Want a Big Harvest, You’ll Need a Big Ox With a Big Appetite Who Creates Big Messes!
For example, if you decide to have children you’ll have lots of joy, and Lots of Messes to Clean Up! Within minutes, children can take a house that looks like it belongs in Better Homes and Gardens and make it look like a trial run for the Battle of Armageddon! So you’ve an option: Live By Yourself and Enjoy a Less Complicated Life, or Accept the Problems that Come With Having a Handful of Messy Loved Ones! Because like it or not, life comes with good times and bad; some pretty neat times, and without question some very messy times! And more often than not, the fun is found during the messy times! So don’t complain when life isn’t perfect, this side of Heaven, it never will be! Perspective is Key! You want the “large harvest”, you’ll have to deal with the messy oxen and his stable! You want the wonderful spouse and children, you have to accept that sometimes they will be more stressful than wonderful, and that’s okay! You want success, than you’ll have to deal with the struggles of failure!

Remember: Even in the Dictionary, the words STRIVING and STRUGGLE Come Before the word SUCCESS!

With that said, bear in mind: The People In Your Life Are Not Perfect, And Neither Are You! They’ve Made Some Foolish Decisions that have Caused Them Some Huge Failures! However, It’s Not Over! As Bad As Their Failures May Have Been, Their Failures Are Not Final or Fatal! So Don’t Distance Yourself From Loved Ones Who May Not Be “Getting It” Just Yet! Be Patient, Remember What It Was Like When You Were Walking In Their Shoes! And In Time, When They Finally “Get It” (And They Will) You Will Enjoy Being Surrounded By a “Stable Full of Messy Oxen Folks Who Will Bring a Huge Harvest To Your Life”! Even Family Battles Failures! Before the word “SUCCESS”, Words Like “Family, Failure, & Foolishness” All Come First! And It Will Often Be That Way With You and Yours Too! However, You Cannot Change DNA or Flush Out Blood Lines! Those “Nuts” Will Not “Fall Off Your Family Tree” No Matter How Hard You Try to Shake ‘Em! Believe Me…I’ve Tried! :-) They Will Stay There, Remain There and There’s Absolutely Nothing You Can Do About It! So You Might As Well, Help Them Get Better! :-)

Dr. John Maxwell says, “At some point you have to make a transition from believer of the dream, to buyer of the dream. No dream comes true without somebody paying for it. And part of the price you will have to pay is learning from the mistakes you make. You can attend every success seminar, read every success manual and follow every success mentor, but the price must always be paid in messes and mistakes. There isn’t a single person in the world who has achieved anything without paying a price for it. Some pay with their lives or their freedom. Others pay by giving up options or finances or relationships. But one way or another, everybody pays!”

It’s Gonna Cost You, But It Will Be Worth It In The End! So Get Back Up and Begin Again!

People of God, Stop Allowing Your Mistakes and Failures to Define You! Instead let them Re-Define You! “Re-Define” simply means “to Give a New or Different Definition to” or “to Reexamine and Reevaluate with a View to Change”. You’ve wasted enough years of your precious life letting your mistakes give you your value, or worse, lessen it! Today is your day to Reevaluate Your Failures! Instead, look at them through the eyes of those who have failed greatly (Napoleon, George Washington, Albert Einstein, Roger Bannister, Abraham Lincoln etc…) and Remember that In Spite of Their Great Failures, They Eventually Succeeded Greatly! They Did It, And So Will You! So No Matter How Bad You Fail, NEVER BE AFRAID OF FAILURE! There Is Success Even In Failure!

Lastly, Take Note of This: MICHAEL JORDAN – After being cut from his high school basketball team, went home and locked himself in his room and cried! THE BEATLES – Were rejected by Decca Recording Studios, who said ‘we don’t like their sound…they have no future in show business!' STEVE JOBS – At 30 years old he was left devastated and depressed after being unceremoniously removed from the company he started! WALT DISNEY – Was fired from a newspaper for ‘lacking imagination’ and ‘having no original ideas!’ OPRAH WINFREY – Was demoted from her job as a news anchor because she ‘wasn’t fit for television!’ ALBERT EINSTEIN – He wasn’t able to speak until he was almost 4 years old and his teachers said he would ‘never amount to much!’ 

Moral of the Story: DON’T YOU DARE ALLOW A PAST OR PRESENT FAILURE TO CAUSE YOU TO FORFEIT YOUR FUTURE SUCCESS!

“Failure is not falling down, but refusing to get up.” (Chinese Proverb)

“Failure is good as long as it doesn’t become a habit.” (Michael Eisner)

“Failure is the opportunity to begin again more intelligently.” (Henry Ford)

“Courage allows the successful woman to fail and learn powerful lessons, from the failure. So that in the end, she didn’t fail at all.” (Dr. Maya Angelou)

“Failure is not opposite of Success, it’s part of Success.” (Pinterest)

“Failures are part of life. If you don’t fail, you don’t learn. If you don’t learn, you’ll never change.” (Pinterest)

“In order to succeed you must fail, so that you know what NOT to do the next time.” (Anthony D’Angelo)

“I’ve missed more than 9,000 shots in my career. I’ve lost almost 300 games. 26 times I’ve been trusted to take the game winning shot and missed. I’ve failed over and over and over again, that is why I succeed.” (Michael Jordan)

“Success is not final, failure is not fatal: it is the courage to continue that counts.” (Winston Churchill)

“You try, you fail. You try, you fail. The real failure is when you stop trying.” (Pinterest)

“There is no failure except giving up.” (Becka Schoettle)

“Most great people have attained their greatest success just one step beyond their greatest failure.” (Napoleon Hill)

“Embrace failure. Missteps and roadblocks are inevitable, but are ultimately an opportunity to learn, pivot, and go after your goals with new perspective.” (Jenny Fleiss)

“Many of life’s failures are people who did not realize how close they were to success when they gave up.” (Thomas A. Edison)

“Failure is an event, not a person. Yesterday ended last night.” (Zig Ziglar)

“Doubt kills more dreams than failure ever will.” (Pinterest)

“Success is not built on success. It’s built on failure. It’s built on frustration. Sometimes it’s built on catastrophe.” (Sumner Redstone)

“Failure is another stepping stone to greatness.” (Oprah Winfrey)

“I’ve not failed. I’ve just found 10,000 ways that won’t work.” (Thomas A. Edison)

“Failure will never overtake me if my determination to succeed is strong enough.” (Og Mandino)

“Failure is the Tuition you Pay to Earn Success.” (Walter Brunell)

“Failure is nothing more than postponed success!” (Pinterest)

“Failure is a Bruise not a Tattoo!” (Pinterest)

“Failure is the condiment that gives success its flavor.” (Truman Capote)

“Those who have failed miserably are often the first ones to see God’s formula for success.” (Erwin Lutzer)

“She was unstoppable. Not because she did not have failures or doubts. But because she continued on despite them.” (Beau Taplin)

“We have forty million reasons for failure, but not a single excuse.” (Rudyard Kipling)

“Failure is nature’s plan to prepare you for great responsibilities.” (Napoleon Hill)

“It is not failure itself that holds you back; it is the fear of failure that paralyzes you.” (Brian Tracy)

“You will always pass failure on your way to success.” (Pinterest)

“Failure is Success if we learn from it.” (Malcolm Forbes)

“Don’t be afraid to fail. Don’t waste energy trying to cover up failure. Learn from your failures and go on to the next challenge. It’s OK to fail. If you’re not failing, you’re not growing.” (H. Stanley Judd)

“Failure should be our teacher, not our undertaker. Failure is delay, not defeat. It is a temporary detour, not a dead-end.” (Denis Waitley)

“Success is going from failure to failure without a loss of enthusiasm.” (Winston Churchill)

“In order to succeed, your desire for success should be greater than your fear of failure.” (Bill Cosby)

“After my spectacular failures, I could not be satisfied with an ordinary success.” (Mason Cooley)

“Do not judge me by my successes, judge me by how many times I fell down and got back up again.” (Nelson Mandela)

“Failure is a great teacher, and if you are open to it, every mistake has a lesson to offer.” (Oprah)

Much Love, Dr.Shermaine #EnjoyTheRead #BeInspired #BeEncouraged #BeEmpowered #BeChallenged

"It's Not Selfish to Love Yourself, Take Care of Yourself and to Make Your Happiness a Priority. It's a Necessity." (Mandy Hale)

"Self-Care is Not Selfish. You Cannot Serve From an Empty Vessel." (Eleanor Brown)

“The Success of Failure!”

“EVEN IF GOOD PEOPLE FALL SEVEN TIMES, THEY WILL GET BACK UP”! (Proverbs 24:16 CEV)

Until you Overcome the Fear of Failure, You’ll Be Immobilized at the Prospect of Taking a Risk! That’s why the Most Important thing to Remember when you fail is: NOT TO QUIT! History shows that Failure can Actually Become a Bridge to Your Success!

Listen: In school, Napoleon was FORTY-SECOND in a class of FORTY-THREE, YET he went on to build an army that Conquered Much of the World!

George Washington Lost TWO-THIRDS of His Military Battles, YET against Overwhelming Odds He Won the Revolutionary War and Changed American History!

Albert Einstein was such a SLOW LEARNER that it was suggested he Switch Studies from Physics to Some Other Topic, YET He’s Considered the Father of the Atomic Age!

Funny thing is, when you recall these names, You Don’t Remember Their Failures, BUT Their Successful Contributions to the World!

Keep This In Mind: “Only When You Consider Your Failure to be Final, Are You Finally a Failure!” (Dr.SYS) Failure is Not an Event, Only an Opinion, and as long as it’s NOT Your Opinion, You Can Always Make a Come-Back and Succeed! “Even if good people fall seven times, They WILL Get Back Up”! (Proverbs 24:16 CEV).

In his inaugural address Franklin Roosevelt told the nation: “The only thing we have to fear is fear itself” Understand that Failure is Not Fatal; You Can Begin Again! However, the Fear of Failure Could Prove Fatal to Your Goals By Keeping You From Ever Trying Again!

After cataloging every possible scenario that could come against us, such as tribulation, distress, persecution, famine, nakedness, peril, and sword, Paul writes: “Yet In All These Things We Are More Than Conquerors Through Him Who Loved Us” (Romans 8:37 NKJV). Another translation says it like this: “No, DESPITE all these things, overwhelming victory is ours through Christ, who loved us” (NLT). That word “Despite” means “In Spite Of”! So the Word for You Today Is—DON’T BE AFRAID OF FAILURE! Why? Because IN SPITE OF Your Frustrations, Mistakes, Wrong Turns, And Huge Failures, God’s Word Still Holds True: “…DESPITE ALL THESE THINGS, OVERWHELMING VICTORY IS OURS THROUGH CHRIST…”!

Did you know that star baseball players Only hit the ball about three out of every ten times! Which makes you wonder how do they live with such a high failure rate? I’ll tell you…By Focusing On the Law of Averages! They know that If They Keeping Swinging the Bat, They’ll Get On Base! Today, that’s all I’m challenging you to do, “Keeping Swinging”! You’ll Hit the Ball Out the Park Sooner or Later!

In 1952 Roger Bannister ran in the Olympics and finished in fourth place, failing to win any kind of medal. BUT He Refused To Quit! Up until this time many experts considered it humanly impossible to run the mile in under four minutes. YET that was Bannister’s goal! And on May 6, 1954, He Became the First Man to Do It! Today, runners do it regularly! So, what’s the point? If You Refuse to Quit When You Fail, You’ll Ultimately Succeed! You Just Have to Be Willing to Get Back Up and Keep Moving Forward! So, No Matter How Many Times You Trip and Fall, Get Back Up, Keep Running and Stay In the Race! You May Very Well Be the Next History Maker!

In 1832 Abraham Lincoln was Defeated for the State Legislature. In 1833 he Failed in business. In 1835 his sweetheart Died. In 1836 he had a Nervous Breakdown. In 1838 he was Defeated for Illinois House Speaker. In 1843 he was Defeated for nomination to Congress. In 1854 he was Defeated for the U.S. Senate. In 1856 he was Defeated for nomination for Vice President. In 1858 he was Defeated Again in a U.S. Senate race.  BUT TODAY HE IS CONSIDERED ONE OF AMERICA’S GREATEST PRESIDENTS! A Wise Man Concluded: “It’s a mistake to suppose that people succeed only through success; they often succeed through failures!” And You’re Not Defeated Until the Past Takes Your Focus Off the Future! SO DON’T BE AFRAID OF FAILURE! Whether you become the President of the United States, the President of a Company, the President of a Church Auxiliary, the President of your Neighborhood Watch or the President of your Book Club, You Can Still Become It, Even After Multiple Failures! Just ask Honest Abe! He’ll tell you the Truth! 

Multiple Failures Often Lead To Multiple Successes!

The Psalmist wrote: “BEFORE I WAS AFFLICTED I went astray, BUT NOW I keep Your Word” (Psalm 119:67 NKJV). By doing it the Wrong Way, the Psalmist Eventually Learned To Do It The Right Way! The Truth Is, When You Fail In One Area, It Can Drive You To Explore Other Areas! You see, Most of Life’s Successes are Based On the Principle of Trial and Error! Often Failure Is Not Falling Short of Your Goal, It’s Simply Not Making the Effort! Failure Can Actually Help You Discover Your Area of Success! For example, when you hate your job you will likely fail in it! Yet it’s in losing that hated position that you may be pressed to pursue what you really like to do, and even better, what you are actually called to do! Think about it: The Psalmist Got It Right Only AFTER Getting It Wrong! Likewise, Your Failure May Be the U-Turn You Needed To Drive You Straight to Success!

Another Benefit of Failure is that It Makes You Less Judgmental of Others! When You’ve Experienced Failure You Become More Sympathetic! Instead of Pointing an Accusing Finger, You See the Need to Extend a Helping Hand! Instead of saying Foolish things like, “I can’t believe you did that,” You Remember the Pit God Dug You Out of and Say With Gratitude and Humility, “Been there, done that, got the t-shirt to prove it”! You Know How it Hurts to Fail, and You Feel Their Pain Because of What You’ve Been Through Yourself! This Makes You a Better Friend, a Better Worker, a Better Mentor, a Better Spouse, a Better Parent, a Better Leader, a Better Believer, and a Better Example of Grace!

Jesus told Peter: “…Satan has asked for you, that he may sift you as wheat. But I have prayed for you, that your faith should not fail; and when you have returned to Me, strengthen your brethren” (Luke 22:31-32 NKJV). An even better translation says: “…WHEN YOU HAVE COME THROUGH THE TIME OF TESTING, TURN TO YOUR COMPANIONS AND GIVE THEM A FRESH START” (MSG). Point: Don’t Think It’s Over Just Because You’ve Come Out! It’s Not Over Until You’ve Went Back For Your Brethren To Bring Them Out Too! Remember Your Hurt, Then Remember To Help!

Solomon writes: “Without oxen a stable stays clean, but you need a strong ox for a large harvest” (Proverbs 14:4 NLT). If You Insist On Always Having a Nice Neat Stall, You’ll Have An Empty Stall! However, If You Want a Big Harvest, You’ll Need a Big Ox With a Big Appetite Who Creates Big Messes!
For example, if you decide to have children you’ll have lots of joy, and Lots of Messes to Clean Up! Within minutes, children can take a house that looks like it belongs in Better Homes and Gardens and make it look like a trial run for the Battle of Armageddon! So you’ve an option: Live By Yourself and Enjoy a Less Complicated Life, or Accept the Problems that Come With Having a Handful of Messy Loved Ones! Because like it or not, life comes with good times and bad; some pretty neat times, and without question some very messy times! And more often than not, the fun is found during the messy times! So don’t complain when life isn’t perfect, this side of Heaven, it never will be! Perspective is Key! You want the “large harvest”, you’ll have to deal with the messy oxen and his stable! You want the wonderful spouse and children, you have to accept that sometimes they will be more stressful than wonderful, and that’s okay! You want success, than you’ll have to deal with the struggles of failure!

Remember: Even in the Dictionary, the words STRIVING and STRUGGLE Come Before the word SUCCESS!

With that said, bear in mind: The People In Your Life Are Not Perfect, And Neither Are You! They’ve Made Some Foolish Decisions that have Caused Them Some Huge Failures! However, It’s Not Over! As Bad As Their Failures May Have Been, Their Failures Are Not Final or Fatal! So Don’t Distance Yourself From Loved Ones Who May Not Be “Getting It” Just Yet! Be Patient, Remember What It Was Like When You Were Walking In Their Shoes! And In Time, When They Finally “Get It” (And They Will) You Will Enjoy Being Surrounded By a “Stable Full of Messy Oxen Folks Who Will Bring a Huge Harvest To Your Life”! Even Family Battles Failures! Before the word “SUCCESS”, Words Like “Family, Failure, & Foolishness” All Come First! And It Will Often Be That Way With You and Yours Too! However, You Cannot Change DNA or Flush Out Blood Lines! Those “Nuts” Will Not “Fall Off Your Family Tree” No Matter How Hard You Try to Shake ‘Em! Believe Me…I’ve Tried! :-) They Will Stay There, Remain There and There’s Absolutely Nothing You Can Do About It! So You Might As Well, Help Them Get Better! :-)

Dr. John Maxwell says, “At some point you have to make a transition from believer of the dream, to buyer of the dream. No dream comes true without somebody paying for it. And part of the price you will have to pay is learning from the mistakes you make. You can attend every success seminar, read every success manual and follow every success mentor, but the price must always be paid in messes and mistakes. There isn’t a single person in the world who has achieved anything without paying a price for it. Some pay with their lives or their freedom. Others pay by giving up options or finances or relationships. But one way or another, everybody pays!”

It’s Gonna Cost You, But It Will Be Worth It In The End! So Get Back Up and Begin Again!

People of God, Stop Allowing Your Mistakes and Failures to Define You! Instead let them Re-Define You! “Re-Define” simply means “to Give a New or Different Definition to” or “to Reexamine and Reevaluate with a View to Change”. You’ve wasted enough years of your precious life letting your mistakes give you your value, or worse, lessen it! Today is your day to Reevaluate Your Failures! Instead, look at them through the eyes of those who have failed greatly (Napoleon, George Washington, Albert Einstein, Roger Bannister, Abraham Lincoln etc…) and Remember that In Spite of Their Great Failures, They Eventually Succeeded Greatly! They Did It, And So Will You! So No Matter How Bad You Fail, NEVER BE AFRAID OF FAILURE! There Is Success Even In Failure!

Lastly, Take Note of This: MICHAEL JORDAN – After being cut from his high school basketball team, went home and locked himself in his room and cried! THE BEATLES – Were rejected by Decca Recording Studios, who said ‘we don’t like their sound…they have no future in show business!' STEVE JOBS – At 30 years old he was left devastated and depressed after being unceremoniously removed from the company he started! WALT DISNEY – Was fired from a newspaper for ‘lacking imagination’ and ‘having no original ideas!’ OPRAH WINFREY – Was demoted from her job as a news anchor because she ‘wasn’t fit for television!’ ALBERT EINSTEIN – He wasn’t able to speak until he was almost 4 years old and his teachers said he would ‘never amount to much!’ Moral of the Story: DON’T YOU DARE ALLOW A PAST OR PRESENT FAILURE TO CAUSE YOU TO FORFEIT YOUR FUTURE SUCCESS!

“Failure is not falling down, but refusing to get up.” (Chinese Proverb)

“Failure is good as long as it doesn’t become a habit.” (Michael Eisner)

“Failure is the opportunity to begin again more intelligently.” (Henry Ford)

“Courage allows the successful woman to fail and learn powerful lessons, from the failure. So that in the end, she didn’t fail at all.” (Dr. Maya Angelou)

“Failure is not opposite of Success, it’s part of Success.” (Pinterest)

“Failures are part of life. If you don’t fail, you don’t learn. If you don’t learn, you’ll never change.” (Pinterest)

“In order to succeed you must fail, so that you know what NOT to do the next time.” (Anthony D’Angelo)

“I’ve missed more than 9,000 shots in my career. I’ve lost almost 300 games. 26 times I’ve been trusted to take the game winning shot and missed. I’ve failed over and over and over again, that is why I succeed.” (Michael Jordan)

“Success is not final, failure is not fatal: it is the courage to continue that counts.” (Winston Churchill)

“You try, you fail. You try, you fail. The real failure is when you stop trying.” (Pinterest)

“There is no failure except giving up.” (Becka Schoettle)

“Most great people have attained their greatest success just one step beyond their greatest failure.” (Napoleon Hill)

“Embrace failure. Missteps and roadblocks are inevitable, but are ultimately an opportunity to learn, pivot, and go after your goals with new perspective.” (Jenny Fleiss)

“Many of life’s failures are people who did not realize how close they were to success when they gave up.” (Thomas A. Edison)

“Failure is an event, not a person. Yesterday ended last night.” (Zig Ziglar)

“Doubt kills more dreams than failure ever will.” (Pinterest)

“Success is not built on success. It’s built on failure. It’s built on frustration. Sometimes it’s built on catastrophe.” (Sumner Redstone)

“Failure is another stepping stone to greatness.” (Oprah Winfrey)

“I’ve not failed. I’ve just found 10,000 ways that won’t work.” (Thomas A. Edison)

“Failure will never overtake me if my determination to succeed is strong enough.” (Og Mandino)

“Failure is the Tuition you Pay to Earn Success.” (Walter Brunell)

“Failure is nothing more than postponed success!” (Pinterest)

“Failure is a Bruise not a Tattoo!” (Pinterest)

“Failure is the condiment that gives success its flavor.” (Truman Capote)

“Those who have failed miserably are often the first ones to see God’s formula for success.” (Erwin Lutzer)

“She was unstoppable. Not because she did not have failures or doubts. But because she continued on despite them.” (Beau Taplin)

“We have forty million reasons for failure, but not a single excuse.” (Rudyard Kipling)

“Failure is nature’s plan to prepare you for great responsibilities.” (Napoleon Hill)

“It is not failure itself that holds you back; it is the fear of failure that paralyzes you.” (Brian Tracy)

“You will always pass failure on your way to success.” (Pinterest)

“Failure is Success if we learn from it.” (Malcolm Forbes)

“Don’t be afraid to fail. Don’t waste energy trying to cover up failure. Learn from your failures and go on to the next challenge. It’s OK to fail. If you’re not failing, you’re not growing.” (H. Stanley Judd)

“Failure should be our teacher, not our undertaker. Failure is delay, not defeat. It is a temporary detour, not a dead-end.” (Denis Waitley)

“Success is going from failure to failure without a loss of enthusiasm.” (Winston Churchill)

“In order to succeed, your desire for success should be greater than your fear of failure.” (Bill Cosby)

“After my spectacular failures, I could not be satisfied with an ordinary success.” (Mason Cooley)

“Do not judge me by my successes, judge me by how many times I fell down and got back up again.” (Nelson Mandela)

“Failure is a great teacher, and if you are open to it, every mistake has a lesson to offer.” (Oprah)

Much Love, Dr.Shermaine #EnjoyTheRead #BeInspired #BeEncouraged #BeEmpowered #BeChallenged

"It's Not Selfish to Love Yourself, Take Care of Yourself and to Make Your Happiness a Priority. It's a Necessity." (Mandy Hale)

"Self-Care is Not Selfish. You Cannot Serve From an Empty Vessel." (Eleanor Brown)